Poll: Ever ended up having sex on a first date?

[Painkiller]

Since I'm back in the dating game again. I thought I'd like to know how often this occurs with other people.

I'm not talking about some gal/guy you've picked up in a bar, your both drunk and things happen afterwards. Basically, one night stands.

I'm talking about meeting a girl/guy, getting a number, or whatever. Planning a date, going out on the date, and then things happen during the course of the date, in which you end up in the sack together.

....and if so, would you consider a serious relationship with a person that has sex with you on the first date?

[dks1240]

well of course my answer to the poll was no. :yes: and since the girl pretty much is the one who determines whether or not sex will be going on then i seriously doubt this will ever occur. i think the only time there would be the slightest possibility would be if the date was just a total rebound guy and i was desperate...then yea, that wouldnt result in any sort of relationship.

cant wait to see everyone's response to this. this is going to be entertaining :D

[Painkiller]

Never been there on a first date, but a friend of mine just went there with a girl he had just met, and took out. Now she wants to start dating him regular, but he doesn't know what to do. He thinks she was too easy, so somethings up with her. (Hidden Agenda) Maybe she wants a baby's daddy or something. :laugh: Truthfully, I should have answered 3. Things happened on a first date with a girl I dated, and I ended up dating her a long time, nearly 5 years.

[Blondie]

Depends.

:laugh:

Blondie

[zoony]

Does college count, or are we talking real world only here?

[Painkiller]

Originally posted by zoony
Does college count, or are we talking real world only here?

:laugh: College counts.

[richard saunders]

I said no....I've had sex a bunch of times(embarassingly)
the first day meeting someone

But, never in a dating scenerio...

[Heidenreich]

Originally posted by Painkiller


:laugh: College counts.

I think college may throw off the curve here....

My answer would be yes.

[SkinsNut73]

Yes, happened once. The best part was when she said "I don't normally do this sort of thing" :)

...yea, riiiiiiiiight....

It kinda does make you think about whether or not this can really be a serious relationship....not a definite dealbreaker but there was more hesitancy than normal.

[Blondie]

Originally posted by SkinsNut73
Yes, happened once. The best part was when she said "I don't normally do this sort of thing" :)

...yea, riiiiiiiiight....

It kinda does make you think about whether or not this can really be a serious relationship....not a definite dealbreaker but there was more hesitancy than normal.

OK. If I get this straight......you WANT to have sex on the first date, BUT if the woman HAS SEX on the first date then she is too easy............but it is ok for you.

OK. I got it.

Blondie

[Westbrook36]

Is this thread a joke? Sex on the first date is the story of my life. :laugh:

[SkinsNut73]

Originally posted by Blondie


OK. If I get this straight......you WANT to have sex on the first date, BUT if the woman HAS SEX on the first date then she is too easy............but it is ok for you.

OK. I got it.

Blondie

Yea...what's wrong with that :laugh:

A better way to say it might be...it makes you wonder if she has slept with half the men in town. Like I said, it's not a dealbreaker if she does have sex on the first date...but it puts a thought in your head.

...and as it turns out, the one time it happened with me....well, let's just say she just might have slept with half the men in town.

[Blondie]

Originally posted by SkinsNut73


Yea...what's wrong with that :laugh:

A better way to say it might be...it makes you wonder if she has slept with half the men in town. Like I said, it's not a dealbreaker if she does have sex on the first date...but it puts a thought in your head.

...and as it turns out, the one time it happened with me....well, let's just say she just might have slept with half the men in town.

So, which half of the women did YOU sleep with on the first date?

I mean, you slept with her, so it could be said you had slept with half the women also.

Just a question.......no judgement.

I don't really care what any one else did or does. It does NOT effect my life one way or the other.

I just wonder sometimes how a woman who sleeps on the first date is a slut but the guy is just......well.........being a guy.

Blondie

[PokerPacker]

Originally posted by Blondie


So, which half of the women did YOU sleep with on the first date?

I mean, you slept with her, so it could be said you had slept with half the women also.

Just a question.......no judgement.

I don't really care what any one else did or does. It does NOT effect my life one way or the other.

I just wonder sometimes how a woman who sleeps on the first date is a slut but the guy is just......well.........being a guy.

Blondie exactly, the guy is just being a guy, what else do you expect?

[Blondie]

Originally posted by PokerPacker
exactly, the guy is just being a guy, what else do you expect?

Coming into the 21st century?????

Blondie

[Rypien 91]

Yeah, one time...I would up falling in love with her and then getting married to her about 3 months ago...:cheers:

[Tarhog]

Originally posted by Blondie


So, which half of the women did YOU sleep with on the first date?

I mean, you slept with her, so it could be said you had slept with half the women also.

Just a question.......no judgement.

I don't really care what any one else did or does. It does NOT effect my life one way or the other.

I just wonder sometimes how a woman who sleeps on the first date is a slut but the guy is just......well.........being a guy.

Blondie

I believe you may have whats known as a 'point' here :)

Truth is, men - we KNOW we can't be trusted. But we'd prefer, always, to have the delusion that our woman can be. And because we generally hold our own selves in low esteem, we figure 'hell...I find myself disgusting ....if she did that with me right off the bat, Lord knows what she'll do when I'm not around'.

[Heidenreich]

Originally posted by Blondie


I just wonder sometimes how a woman who sleeps on the first date is a slut but the guy is just......well.........being a guy.

Blondie

dks hit the nail on the head earlier when she said that it's the girl who pretty much determines whether or not sex will be going on.

Women go on dates knowing if there's going to be any sex. Men go on dates hoping there will be, and trying to figure out the best way to sway the answer to yes....

With this fact in mind, if sex occurs on the first date, it's because the girl "gave it up" In the eyes of many, if a girl gives it up too often, she's a slut. If a guy gets a lot of women, he's a man.

Not saying it's fair, but it's the way of the world.

That being said, there are such things as "Man whores" but that is a title that few men achieve......

[Blondie]

Originally posted by Heidenreich



That being said, there are such things as "Man whores" but that is a title that few men achieve......

UNFORTUNATELY I know a couple.

Blondie

[PokerPacker]

i think its called a "gigalo"

[Westbrook36]

Let's be frank. Guys all try to bang girls. We get as far as the woman allows. If she puts out, while we are happy that night and might consider them a future booty call, it usually never turns into something serious. This is why girls try to hold out. Most girls want something more stable.

They probably want the hot sex too but don't want the guy to think they are a slut.

[SkinsHokieFan]

Originally posted by Westbrook36
Let's be frank. Guys all try to bang girls. We get as far as the woman allows. If she puts out, while we are happy that night and might consider them a future booty call, it usually never turns into something serious. This is why girls try to hold out. Most girls want something more stable.

They probably want the hot sex too but don't want the guy to think they are a slut.

Hit it all right there on the head (no pun intended)

[Blondie]

Originally posted by Westbrook36
Let's be frank. Guys all try to bang girls. We get as far as the woman allows. If she puts out, while we are happy that night and might consider them a future booty call, it usually never turns into something serious. This is why girls try to hold out. Most girls want something more stable.

They probably want the hot sex too but don't want the guy to think they are a slut.

And this is so so so wrong.

You want the sex.

If she gives it up she is a slut.

The double standard is still alive and well. Do the ones you won't take home to mom.

What a crock of ****.

Geez. Will these archaic beliefs EVER go away?

Blondie

[SkinsNut73]

Originally posted by Blondie


So, which half of the women did YOU sleep with on the first date?

I mean, you slept with her, so it could be said you had slept with half the women also.

Just a question.......no judgement.

I don't really care what any one else did or does. It does NOT effect my life one way or the other.

I just wonder sometimes how a woman who sleeps on the first date is a slut but the guy is just......well.........being a guy.

Blondie


You are absolutely right...she might be thinking the same thing about me....and rightfully so. I'm not saying she is a slut because she has sex on the first date.


If I find out this is the 2nd or 3rd time she's done this, you can get past this. If this is the 52nd time...then the chances of a serious relationship just went out the window.

[Predicto]

Originally posted by Blondie


OK. If I get this straight......you WANT to have sex on the first date, BUT if the woman HAS SEX on the first date then she is too easy............but it is ok for you.

OK. I got it.

Blondie

Welcome to the world of Internet Male. His self-righteous double standard is second to none.

I have, in the far ancient past, had sex on a first date. If you let that be a significant factor in whether your relationship progresses, then I pity you. You might just miss out on the love of your life.

The only factor should be whether you like the person and want to see them again. And the same rules should apply to both of you.

[Pete]

First date a few times........................

You can throw in a few one nighters too.

[twa]

Not on a first date for me..of course I really only dated two girls.
After this thread I realise I should have gone on to college ;)

[Westbrook36]

Originally posted by Blondie


And this is so so so wrong.

You want the sex.

If she gives it up she is a slut.

The double standard is still alive and well. Do the ones you won't take home to mom.

What a crock of ****.

Geez. Will these archaic beliefs EVER go away?

Blondie

Wrong or not, it's just the way things are. A guy is inevitably going to think if this chick banged me on the first night, how many other guys has she done this with.

No offense to you, but most girls who bring up the whole how it is double standard argument are normally the ones who have had sex a few times on the first date.

Nothing wrong with that, of course. I just won't be making you my girlfriend, Blondie. :)

[Blondie]

Originally posted by Westbrook36


Wrong or not, it's just the way things are. A guy is inevitably going to think if this chick banged me on the first night, how many other guys has she done this with.

No offense to you, but most girls who bring up the whole how it is double standard argument are normally the ones who have had sex a few times on the first date.

Nothing wrong with that, of course. I just won't be making you my girlfriend, Blondie. :)

Don't smile after that statement.

So, you are saying since I am discussing this double standard, then I AM a first date sleeping slut?

Spell it out for me here Westbrook. I don't want to misunderstand.

Did you just call me a slut?

Blondie

[Darth Tater]

How about no dates? In the apartment complex I lived in while I was attending college, I hooked up with one girl several times though we never dated unless going across the street to buy the beer and coal for the grill consitutes a date.

Another one, went out with a girl on the 'rebound' who was really just trying to make her ex jealous. Dropped by his apartment and they went upstairs. He was on a date with another girl who was at the apartment. She also lived in that complex so we went over to her place. I guess I was just a 'slut',

[Predicto]

Originally posted by Westbrook36


Wrong or not, it's just the way things are. A guy is inevitably going to think if this chick banged me on the first night, how many other guys has she done this with.

No offense to you, but most girls who bring up the whole how it is double standard argument are normally the ones who have had sex a few times on the first date.

Nothing wrong with that, of course. I just won't be making you my girlfriend, Blondie. :)

It's just the way things are.

Stupid, that is.

[Westbrook36]

Originally posted by Blondie


Don't smile after that statement.

So, you are saying since I am discussing this double standard, then I AM a first date sleeping slut?

Spell it out for me here Westbrook. I don't want to misunderstand.

Did you just call me a slut?

Blondie

No, I said most girls. Does most = all?

I could care less if you slept with the whole Redskins team on the first date. Are you looking for a reason to be offended or something because of the subject matter? Looks like a little misplaced anger to me. :rolleyes:

[Predicto]

Originally posted by Westbrook36


No, I said most girls. Does most = all?

I could care less if you slept with the whole Redskins team on the first date. Are you looking for a reason to be offended or something because of the subject matter? Looks like a little misplaced anger to me. :rolleyes:

How is that misplaced? You blatantly labelled her, specifically. The smiley at the end did not change a thing.

[Blondie]

Originally posted by Westbrook36


No, I said most girls. Does most = all?

I could care less if you slept with the whole Redskins team on the first date. Are you looking for a reason to be offended or something because of the subject matter? Looks like a little misplaced anger to me. :rolleyes:

YOU said......."Nothing wrong with that, of course. I just won't be making you my girlfriend, Blondie"

YOU PUT MY NAME OUT THERE.

MY NAME.

Now........roll your eyes.......say I have misplaced anger.....OR WHATEVER.

YOU put MY name out there.

THAT is why I am asking you to clarify the statement.

I am not offended. I don't give a rat's butt who does what.....or how many times. It is not me........but I will ALWAYS question the double standard of first date sex.

And I find your trying to turn this around to say I have misplaced anger very very amusing. Be a man Westbrook.

Or is that asking too much?

Blondie

[Westbrook36]

Did I make an incorrect statement? As much as it might upset her, it has been my experience that most girls who argue the double standard over quick sex argument are the ones who have had quick sex in relationships.

This has been my experience. I haven't done any complete studies on this subject. I stated it as I believe it to be true.

I don't know Blondie more than just seeing a name on a screen. If it doesn't apply to her, she shouldn't be offended. Come to think of it, based off her answer on page one, she shouldn't be offended either way.

[Tarhog]

Originally posted by Westbrook36


No, I said most girls. Does most = all?

I could care less if you slept with the whole Redskins team on the first date. Are you looking for a reason to be offended or something because of the subject matter? Looks like a little misplaced anger to me. :rolleyes:

Knock it off man.

You know what you're doing. This isn't some soapbox thread where someones taking some holier-than-thou position. Its a light-hearted one.

Or at least it was. We don't need the mean-spirited stuff.

[zoony]

Originally posted by Westbrook36
Is this thread a joke? Sex on the first date is the story of my life. :laugh:

You have to have a partner for it to count westy... ;)

[Westbrook36]

Originally posted by Blondie


YOU said......."Nothing wrong with that, of course. I just won't be making you my girlfriend, Blondie"

YOU PUT MY NAME OUT THERE.

MY NAME.

Now........roll your eyes.......say I have misplaced anger.....OR WHATEVER.

YOU put MY name out there.

THAT is why I am asking you to clarify the statement.

I am not offended. I don't give a rat's butt who does what.....or how many times. It is not me........but I will ALWAYS question the double standard of first date sex.

And I find your trying to turn this around to say I have misplaced anger very very amusing. Be a man Westbrook.

Or is that asking too much?

Blondie

If I hadnt seen a few other instances of you inevitably getting a thread locked with the whole "WHAT DID YOU SAY!?!?!?" routine, I'd give you explanation. Now that I think about it, I really don't care.

http://www.mountain.ru/news/2003/11-12/image_350shisha1sud.jpg
http://www.fcps.k12.va.us/StratfordLandingES/Ecology/Mammals/Eastern%20Mole/MOLEHILL.jpg

[iheartskins]

Originally posted by zoony


You have to have a partner for it to count westy... ;)

And a partner is not the mirror. :)

[Blondie]

Originally posted by Westbrook36


If I hadnt seen a few other instances of you inevitably getting a thread locked with the whole "WHAT DID YOU SAY!?!?!?" routine, I'd give you explanation. Now that I think about it, I really don't care.






Dang. I have THAT KIND OF POWER.

Wow.

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

I never knew.


Blondie

[Park City Skins]

QUOTE]Originally posted by Westbrook36


If I hadnt seen a few other instances of you inevitably getting a thread locked with the whole "WHAT DID YOU SAY!?!?!?" routine, I'd give you explanation. Now that I think about it, I really don't care.

http://www.mountain.ru/news/2003/11-12/image_350shisha1sud.jpg
http://www.fcps.k12.va.us/StratfordLandingES/Ecology/Mammals/Eastern%20Mole/MOLEHILL.jpg [/QUOTE]

Read: I am so busted and I'm getting my lunch handed to me.


No worries Westbrook. Like many in the past, we're laughing at the guy who's dumb enough to cross Blondie. :)

[Tarhog]

Originally posted by Westbrook36


If I hadnt seen a few other instances of you inevitably getting a thread locked with the whole "WHAT DID YOU SAY!?!?!?" routine, I'd give you explanation. Now that I think about it, I really don't care.

http://www.mountain.ru/news/2003/11-12/image_350shisha1sud.jpg
http://www.fcps.k12.va.us/StratfordLandingES/Ecology/Mammals/Eastern%20Mole/MOLEHILL.jpg

If theres any corollary with threads getting locked and individual posters being involved, I'm betting you've got Blondie beat by a longshot Westbrook.

I like you. I'm one of the reasons you're still here. But, other than stating the obvious, that theres a double standard for women related to promiscuity, Blondies done nothing but have fun in this thread.

You're just instigating.

[Westbrook36]

I apologize if it seemed I was taking a shot at Blondie. As is my nature, I was just making a little joke at the end of my comment for a few laughs but I really don't know her well enough to do so.

[iheartskins]

I will say this about the double standard...

If guys sleep with a lot of girls, they are thought of by potential mates of the opposite sex as (at least) somewhat undesirable as long term partners.

If girls sleep with a lot of guys, they are thought of by potential mates of the opposite sex as pretty to very undesirable as long term partners.

The double standard really lies in the perception of the promiscous person among their friends of the same sex. Guys who sleep with a lot of other girls are though of by their guy and (maybe their female) friends in a positive light. However, girls who sleep with a lot of other guys are though of by their female (and maybe their male) friends as sluts.

I just think we should frame the argument here before people get too angry about the double standard...

[Tarhog]

Honestly, get your girlfriend, wife, mom, sister, any anonymous female on the phone. String together a couple of sentences including 'banged her', 'booty call', and 'slut'. Give me a report back on how that goes?

I'm not arguing this is a place for choir boys. But you throw that stuff around, you're bound to get some opposition from female members.

Lets get back to the light-hearted topic.

[Ancalagon the Black]

Man. Who cares how many people a girl has slept with in the past? If she is really into you and wants to be faithful, you figure it out real quick.

[TK]

Originally posted by Tarhog
I'm one of the reasons you're still here.
I'm the other one. After us, you're pretty much on your own.


Originally posted by Tarhog
You're just instigating.
Yes he is. And everyone else here knows it.

[Heidenreich]

Originally posted by Tarhog
Honestly, get your girlfriend, wife, mom, sister, any anonymous female on the phone. String together a couple of sentences including 'banged her', 'booty call', and 'slut'. Give me a report back on how that goes?

I'm not arguing this is a place for choir boys. But you throw that stuff around, you're bound to get some opposition from female members.

Lets get back to the light-hearted topic.

Since I like to be a help to everyone, I just tried this with my roomates gf.

She just asked me who was coming over tomorrow for the Memorial Day BBQ, and I told her "Name removed for obvious reasons" is coming. I hope I can bang that slut before the night is over."

She in turn threw the margarita she was drinking in my face.

So there you have it. These broads don't like it when you talk like that. And now I have to clean the kitchen too, cause now its a mess, and no girl will give it up if you live in filth.......

[Blondie]

Originally posted by Heidenreich


Since I like to be a help to everyone, I just tried this with my roomates gf.

She just asked me who was coming over tomorrow for the Memorial Day BBQ, and I told her "Name removed for obvious reasons" is coming. I hope I can bang that slut before the night is over."

She in turn threw the margarita she was drinking in my face.

So there you have it. These broads don't like it when you talk like that. And now I have to clean the kitchen too, cause now its a mess, and no girl will give it up if you live in filth.......

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

I can't believe she didn't DRINK the margarita FIRST and then throw the glass!!

:laugh: :laugh:

;)

Blondie

[Heidenreich]

She knows better, she was using my Redskin glass!

[Blondie]

Originally posted by Heidenreich
She knows better, she was using my Redskin glass!

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

Ah.

Smart girl.

;);)

Blondie

[Park City Skins]

Originally posted by Heidenreich
She knows better, she was using my Redskin glass!

Have to respect a woman who has priorities. Good Margarita or a Redskins glass. :)


Nice job on glass choice there.

[Ax]

Yes to the poll question. Many times before being saved by the Mrs.

Some, I might have considered loose, but certainly not because they chose to have sex with me on the first date. I was more surprised when they didn't. Most of the "official" dates I had were set up by the girls. I was too busy chasing anything that moved to actually set up a date. So with them usually making the arrangements, it didn't mean it was in the bag, so to say, but my chances were greatly improved.

I had many long term relationships based solely on sex. Mostly with girls/women older than me. If that made both of us a slut, then so be it.

But to say that a woman having sex on the first date makes her a slut is, to put it bluntly, ignorant. Some of the women in my black book were virgins when they got married, and married when they got me. So what does that say?
(Yes, I was a dog before I met my wife)
Whether or not a girl gives it up on the first date doesn't necessarily mean squat.

Bottom line is, there is nothing wrong with having sex on a first date. Just like in "Back To The Future" I'm sure many would be shocked to learn what Mom was really like back in the day.

[portisizzle]

Originally posted by Westbrook36
I apologize if it seemed I was taking a shot at Blondie. As is my nature, I was just making a little joke at the end of my comment for a few laughs but I really don't know her well enough to do so.

No need to apologize. Your comments are right on point, IMO. Stand your ground. A woman who wants to give it up on the first date would not make it past first base with a respectable male . Nothing like dating (or marrying) a woman with no self esteem.:rolleyes:

And to the point about double standards. Since when could we make broad generalized statements about the sexual motivations of men? Men who take advantage of women are no different that women who are willing to be taken advantage of. THEY ARE ONE IN THE SAME. My guess is these individuals deserve each other in their quest to......... screw. Because it is definately NOT about love, compassion, respect, and decency.

[FBChick]

Well, I never ran into any trouble on the whole sex bit, and I would often have sex on the first date and had enough turn into long term relationships (including the man I've been married to for 9 years now) to say, which ever way your view is, it isn't going to have any kind of serious repercussions. Sure there are guys out there who would hold it against you as a woman, but chances are probably pretty good it wouldn't have been a relationship that would have lasted anyway.

[Predicto]

Originally posted by portisizzle


No need to apologize. Your comments are right on point, IMO. Stand your ground. A woman who wants to give it up on the first date would not make it past first base with a respectable male . Nothing like dating (or marrying) a woman with no self esteem.:rolleyes:

And to the point about double standards. Since when could we make broad generalized statements about the sexual motivations of men? Men who take advantage of women are no different that women who are willing to be taken advantage of. THEY ARE ONE IN THE SAME. My guess is these individuals deserve each other in their quest to......... screw. Because it is definately NOT about love, compassion, respect, and decency.

Portis, you are not being consistent here, or you did not read the thread carefully.

There is nothing wrong with stating that men and women should have the same standards, and should be judged by the same standards. You will find many who agree.

That is not what Westbrook was saying. He was standing for the proposition that women should be judged by a different standard and live by different rules than do men. Then, he basically called out Blondie for being a "slut."

Is that where you are suggesting he "stand his ground?"

[zoony]

no offense to any involved... but the whole 'double standard' thing is a dead horse... and has been for decades.

Why even bring it up? (you know who you are)

Yes, it exists. And no, there's nothing any of us can do about it. :rolleyes:

Back to the poll... and all the juicy gossip :)

[portisizzle]

Originally posted by Westbrook36


Wrong or not, it's just the way things are. A guy is inevitably going to think if this chick banged me on the first night, how many other guys has she done this with.

No offense to you, but most girls who bring up the whole how it is double standard argument are normally the ones who have had sex a few times on the first date.

Nothing wrong with that, of course. I just won't be making you my girlfriend, Blondie. :)

Predicto, I pulled this comment in response to your question.

I consider this to be the "way things are". I agree with Westbrook 100% and stand behind the comment. ( Not that he needs support)

This is why I think it is hard for women to find good men who are willing to respect and admire her. No one can relate to this better that a father who has a daughter.(That would include me) Seems like women like DKS have their stuff together and will not put up with some slug. Somehow I have to instill a HIGH level of self esteem in my daughter so that she will be less likely to submit to the pressure of the one night stand.


And for the record, the comment to Blondie was over the top. That being said, leave it to Blondie to take the high road.:rolleyes: Or the low road as is the case......

[Predicto]

Do the same rules apply to men and women, or not? If not, how is that justifiable? That is all I am talking about.

[portisizzle]

Originally posted by Predicto
Do the same rules apply to men and women, or not? If not, how is that justifiable? That is all I am talking about.

My original post responds to your question. Assuming you are talking to me. The pertinent quote......

Since when could we make broad generalized statements about the sexual motivations of men? Men who take advantage of women are no different that women who are willing to be taken advantage of. THEY ARE ONE IN THE SAME.

[zoony]

I keep coming back to this thread hoping that I'll be able to nose in and eavesdrop on other's sexual exploits... but alas, more of the same. :doh:

c'mon... dks, someone... throw us a bone here. :)

[Woofer]

Three times.

I learned to avoid doing it though, at least while I was dating. (I'm married now).


See, there is a problem.
















































All of the women fell deeply in love with me.
































It's a curse.
:ladiesman

[Grumpy Vet]

I don't agree that a woman is always the gatekeeper. That has not been my experience. Frankly I think the whole...."I'm a man and I gotta have it and gotta go for it" is a bit played out. Society seems to have allowed this stereotype and many play up to it. Men can control themselves if they choose to.

My answer is no - I have not had sex on a first date. As goofy as this sounds....I found after a few dates and playing a little hard to get or conservative made things pretty interesting.......Yes - even and especially in college and in the fraternity.

[dks1240]

Originally posted by zoony
I keep coming back to this thread hoping that I'll be able to nose in and eavesdrop on other's sexual exploits... but alas, more of the same. :doh:

c'mon... dks, someone... throw us a bone here. :)


hehe. sorry to have such a disappointing post. it seems like since my junior year of highschool that ive almost always had a boyfriend so the first dates i go on are few and far between. i am fairly picky so when i go out with a guy i have a pretty good idea of what he is like...he has already gone through a personal interview, ive checked his references, and hes had a background check. (kidding)

i guess the only semi close thing to having sex on the first date was last spring break. my boyfriend and i had broken up about a month before and i decided to drive up to boston to visit a guy friend that for the past few months had openingly admitted to really liking me. anyway, i had 'convinced' myself that nothing would happen between us. needless to say i think i made that guy the happiest guy in the world that weekend. does that count? :doh: :laugh:

(and actually for much longer than just that weekend too since now he has achieved boyfriend status) :)

[LiveStrongSkins]

Originally posted by Blondie
Depends.

:laugh:

Blondie

According to the poll i would have to say yes, but mine is a little different. I was playing in the district basketball tournament and our game was at wakefield (her school) That school is crazy about basketball. When we come in there we were being hackled and everyone is getting chips thrown at us and all these kids are saying such nice things about us. :laugh: I look up and see this absolute knockout just standing there. We make eye contact and as im being shoved by administrators i say to her "I will get your number" she just smiled and laughed (guess she was used to that kinda thing). Anyway after the game i approached her again while she was talking to a bunch of the hacklers, she told me wow you really are persistent and gave me her number (Score!). We talked on the phone for about 2 weeks until one day she says hey can you come pick me up from the wakefield indoor pool. She also said that i could come to her house afterwards to "watch a movie". I get to the pool and i say to myself, This just is not fair!! She had to have done that on purpose. The bathing suit looked like she just tied dental floss into knots on certain parts of her body. We get to her house and as soon as we go downstairs it on! 3 years later were engaged, and we'll definetly be together forever. She left school to be with me when i was diagnosed with cancer and was there for me every step of the way. I can only repay her by making her a queen for the rest of my life! :D

[REEGSKINS]

yes many times.

[Park City Skins]

portisizzle is going to very disappointed in you all. ;)


and ps, the high road was taken. That much is obvious.

[TheDoyler23]

Even when I was single, that wasn't for me. I don't have any problems with other people engaging as long as there is mutual respect and consent.

[rdsknbill]

I'd have to say a few times

However, the wife held out for SIX MONTHS while we were dating. :yikes:

Now we try to go on "first dates" as much as possible :D

[portisizzle]

Originally posted by Park City Skins
portisizzle is going to very disappointed in you all. ;)


and ps, the high road was taken. That much is obvious.

No I am not disappointed at all. But thanks for playing.

[Park City Skins]

Originally posted by portisizzle


No I am not disappointed at all. But thanks for playing.

You're welcome. :)

[Destino]

Originally posted by Ancalagon the Black
Man. Who cares how many people a girl has slept with in the past? If she is really into you and wants to be faithful, you figure it out real quick.

BINGO. That's my position too. I've never understood why some dudes are so damn nervous about how many have come before them. The only thing I can think of is they don't like the idea of a girl being able to compare them to what else is out there.

I don't have any of those stupid hang ups so I can't really say for sure.

[Destino]

Originally posted by portisizzle


No need to apologize. Your comments are right on point, IMO. Stand your ground. A woman who wants to give it up on the first date would not make it past first base with a respectable male . Nothing like dating (or marrying) a woman with no self esteem.:rolleyes:

And to the point about double standards. Since when could we make broad generalized statements about the sexual motivations of men? Men who take advantage of women are no different that women who are willing to be taken advantage of. THEY ARE ONE IN THE SAME. My guess is these individuals deserve each other in their quest to......... screw. Because it is definately NOT about love, compassion, respect, and decency.

Since when did it need to be about love, respect, and decency? Sometimes you just get a little crazy not knowing what's going to happen next.

[iheartskins]

I think the main reason people are anxious about promiscuous partners is the fear of STDs. If a woman had slept with a number of guys but was STD free, then no problem.

With that said, I tend to agree with you Destino (and AtB).

[RonJeremy]

I answered Yes, I admit it! Only once though. But not for a lack of effort! (I am not counting drunken "hook-ups" in college when there was a random girl after a party at my house wanting to stay over).

We had met at a bar. She gave me her number. I called, she just wanted a quiet evening for our first date, I cooked her dinner. We watched a movie...and well since I answered yes, you know what happened. ;)

I have never judged a girl on when exactly we slept together. If things didn't work out, it wasn't because of that! :)

[portisizzle]

Originally posted by Destino


Since when did it need to be about love, respect, and decency? Sometimes you just get a little crazy not knowing what's going to happen next.


You and I are in agreement I think. Here is a quote from my first post.


"My guess is these individuals deserve each other in their quest to......... screw."

And let me go on record as saying screwing is FUN.

[jenmdixon]

My answer is no.

I knew from a young age (and from having seen the actions of other people) that sex was not something that I would ever take lightly. In my world, no one gained...entry...without extensive discussions about where one had...er...been previously, what was and wasn't OK, and what monogamy means (to me, to my partner, and to the relationship). And most definitely NEVER without testing or protection. (I volunteered with an AIDS organization in those years. It was pertinent.) Or without knowing each other well (or what I thought was well). Lessons learned.

Once I met my now husband, I realized that there is still another level above that which I had experienced or realized before. I'm glad that I stuck to my guns.

However, to each his or her own. I try not to make value judgments based upon a narrow set of factors. And circumstances are always different in each situation. It's your life, and your decision.

:2cents:

[chomerics]

Yes, I have plenty of times, and it makes no difference to me, I still respect them in the morning :)

Seriously folks, why would a womans promiscuity bother you??? Hell, I like the more "experienced" woman myself, it's always nice to have a partner who knows what she is doing right? I mean hell, sometimes you can wait for three months, do all the romance, wine and dine stuff only to find out she is absolutely horrible in the sack. Then my friends, you have just blown a few grand only to find out you're with Mrs. Cleaver :doh:

Actually, I had spent the night last night with a "first date" and got lucky (but it was about time, the damn ex went frigid the last 6 months :doh: ) and not to be graphic or anything, but I thought I was going to shoot her right through the wall :laugh:

But hey, I talked to her many times over the phone, and through e-mail and although I didn't expect to get lucky, I was pleasently suprised to say the least. I know that at least I have sexual compatibility with her before building a long relationship. It sucks to she's a "dead lay" for lack of a better term after you have spent three months of your life working on her.

I guess what I am trying to say is that there seems to be a double standard through some males in this country, but it isn't right. If they can get their rocks off on the first date, a woman should be able to just as well without being considered a ho or a slut. Also, by having sex on the first date, you know automatically if one part of your relationship (if there ends up being one) will work or not. It can lead to a large monetary savings in the future, as well as not having a lot of frustrationg nights :laugh:

[Coach Williams]

nope, not in million years......

well...maybe a million.....but not in my last 20.....

[Painkiller]

Wow, we've had a little bit of everything in this thread. I see right now "Yes" is comfortably ahead. I guess I'm not surprised much.

For me, maybe I'm less of a man, but I wouldn't prefer it to go there on the first date really. Depending on how well things were going 2nd or 3rd would be fine.

[Whatchamacallit23]

Originally posted by Predicto


Welcome to the world of Internet Male. His self-righteous double standard is second to none.

I have, in the far ancient past, had sex on a first date. If you let that be a significant factor in whether your relationship progresses, then I pity you. You might just miss out on the love of your life.

The only factor should be whether you like the person and want to see them again. And the same rules should apply to both of you.

I agree :)

[Ax]

Originally posted by chomerics
Actually, I had spent the night last night with a "first date" and got lucky (but it was about time, the damn ex went frigid the last 6 months :doh: ) and not to be graphic or anything, but I thought I was going to shoot her right through the wall :laugh:

You should have warned her that she might need a tetanus shot too there, Rusty. ;)

[chomerics]

Originally posted by Ax


You should have warned her that she might need a tetanus shot too there, Rusty. ;)

Hey I was just proud I lasted more then two minutes :laugh: Nothing is more embarrasing then the two pump dump :doh:

[Painkiller]

Originally posted by chomerics


Hey I was just proud I lasted more then two minutes :laugh: Nothing is more embarrasing then the two pump dump :doh:

That can be a bit embarassing, but depending on your biological "gifts" it can be no big deal. ;)

:laugh:

[BlitzFiftySix]

Many times. 18-23 were some pretty good years for me.

[Joe Sick]

I bought her lobster. She better have put out!

j/k but I did vote yes. God bless you, VT women!

[dannyboy70]

A big no for me. I've never even kissed a girl on the first date. I'm far from being prude - I just don't believe in jumping into anything on the first date.

[Symbol]

Yes, but it was before I met my wife, so don't tell her. To the serious relationship question, I had one with the only girl I had sex with on our first date. I was 17, she was 18. We dated for about a year. We broke up, so I don' t know if that's a good example. :D

[dreamingwolf]

dont listen to any of these asses, listen to this ass. Show her your doo dads, if she tickles them let nature do to her what nature wants. If she slaps you, I wasnt here and I didnt give you any advice.

joking aside, if you cool a chick and shes into you and you dont bang her, your wronger than my run on sentence. True if the booty girl doesnt want a long term relationship, she wasnt the one but you still got some and the "one" aint gonna hate you for it.

So bottom line if the first date puts it up there, tag it. She might be the one she might not be the one, but atleast youve been there. Just dont make it the rule, you might miss some good ones.

[Henry]

Nah. I'm not into sex with strangers. Sorry.

I don't really care what the rest of you are into or not into, but I will say that if you are disgusted by with another person's sexual behaviour you shouldn't practice it yourself. That makes you a hypocrite. Using your gender as an excuse simply makes you a hypocrite in denial.

[gbear]

I had random sex once turn into a two year relationship. Does that count? If so yes, if not then no. Yes, some large amount of liquid courage was involved.

It wasn't a date, we met at a party and really hit it off.

In hind sight, life is certainly simpler/easier if sex isn't the first impression. I never went that route again.

I think the post about it not really being a double standard is somewhat true when it comes to how we think of people of the opposite sex. I don't think women want serious relationships with "players" any more than men want them with "loose women." That being said there is a serious difference in how men treat "player" men and how women treat "player" women. Ironically, I think the double standard most women complain about is of the female gender's making. I guess men could more harshly judge other men... but why bother?

I'm not sure why anybody is judged harshly on who/how many they've been with. I don't care who my wife first had intimate relations with. I care with whom she last has them. All of this assumes safe behavior in past or at least behavior that won't hurt me.

[SkinsFanMania]

I don't really care whether she's done it before or not. If I liked her than I would date her.

[MonkeySkin]

Can't turn a hoe into a housewife.

[SkinsNut73]

Seems like it's an issue that is important enough to some people that they can't ignore the fact that their date gives it up on the first night....and others could care less. I suppose the others who could care less might have another hangup that would prevent them from dating someone??? Hell...I could take you to another message board I frequent where there is a group of men who say they will not date a woman with a FICO score of less than 750! I'm not kidding....

....so, to each his own...

[RonJeremy]

Originally posted by SkinsNut73
....Hell...I could take you to another message board I frequent where there is a group of men who say they will not date a woman with a FICO score of less than 750! I'm not kidding....

....so, to each his own...

I use credit scores...due to the fact that I am a LOAN OFFICER!

Using credit scores to determine whether a person is a potential date!!....:doh:. What kind of message board IS that?? :wtf:

[SkinsNut73]

Originally posted by RonJeremy


I use credit scores...due to the fact that I am a LOAN OFFICER!

Using credit scores to determine whether a person is a potential date!!....:doh:. What kind of message board IS that?? :wtf:

It's over at askmen.com. I actually venture over there because they are entertaining...a bunch of nutcases...but they make me feel "normal" :)

Can't you picture it RJ...you are in the heat of the moment with the lady at your house....you are helping her take off her blouse and you whisper in her ear..."by the way Baby, what's your FICO score?" :laugh:

....and when she says "it's 715"...

...you say "Get the F%$K out a here you fiscally irresponsible whore"...

[Destino]

Originally posted by SkinsNut73
Can't you picture it RJ...you are in the heat of the moment with the lady at your house....you are helping her take off her blouse and you whisper in her ear..."by the way Baby, what's your FICO score?" :laugh:

....and when she says "it's 715"...

...you say "Get the F%$K out a here you fiscally irresponsible whore"...

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

[Kilmer17]

Someone needs to do a better job of defining "date".

[Predicto]

Originally posted by MonkeySkin
Can't turn a hoe into a housewife.

Can't turn a hoe into a decent husband or father.

[Henry]

Originally posted by Predicto


Can't turn a hoe into a decent husband or father.

Indeed. I remember in high school a girl once told me there were guys that you want to **** and guys you wanted to marry, and I was a guy you wanted to marry. Let me tell you, when you're 15 that's not exactly what you want to hear when asking a girl out. 20 years later I'm ok with it. :)

There are plenty of double standards in this world, and not all of them are practiced by men.

[Painkiller]

Originally posted by Kilmer17
Someone needs to do a better job of defining "date".

First Post Bro....


I'm talking about meeting a girl/guy, getting a number, or whatever. Planning a date, going out on the date, and then things happen during the course of the date, in which you end up in the sack together.

Originally posted by yours truly. :)


For the sake of argument, let's clarify even further..

let's say you meet the girl at the bar, you hit it off, and you get her number. (but nothing else happens that night, and you both go on your merry way) You call her up (after waiting the 2 days or whatever, lol) and line up a date. You then pick her up, take her out, and things "happen" during the course of the date that lead you back to one or the other's place, and end up making whoopee by nights end.

How's that?

[SkinsNut73]

Originally posted by Painkiller


For the sake of argument, let's clarify even further..

let's say you meet the girl at the bar, you hit it off, and you get her number. (but nothing else happens that night, and you both go on your merry way) You call her up (after waiting the 2 days or whatever, lol) and line up a date. You then pick her up, take her out, and things "happen" during the course of the date that lead you back to one or the other's place, and end up making whoopee by nights end.

How's that?



....is this girl a Cowboys fan? Yes or no? ;)

[Predicto]

Originally posted by Henry


There are plenty of double standards in this world, and not all of them are practiced by men.

True indeed. But this particular double standard is generally practiced by men.

[Kilmer17]

Originally posted by Painkiller


First Post Bro....



Originally posted by yours truly. :)


For the sake of argument, let's clarify even further..

let's say you meet the girl at the bar, you hit it off, and you get her number. (but nothing else happens that night, and you both go on your merry way) You call her up (after waiting the 2 days or whatever, lol) and line up a date. You then pick her up, take her out, and things "happen" during the course of the date that lead you back to one or the other's place, and end up making whoopee by nights end.

How's that?

Much clearer. So by definition hooking up with the chick who can do the longest upside down keg hit doesnt qualify as a date.

The College rules are messing a bunch of people up.

[jenmdixon]

Originally posted by Predicto
True indeed. But this particular double standard is generally practiced by men.

Wrong.

[zoony]

In my limited world experience, I've found that women tend to pass judgement on promiscuous women more than men do.

Not saying this is the way it is, just saying that's what I've seen.

[Destino]

Originally posted by zoony
In my limited world experience, I've found that women tend to pass judgement on promiscuous women more than men do.

Not saying this is the way it is, just saying that's what I've seen.

I have to agree. Woman can be extremely horrible with eachother and often describe other women as "sluts" and "whores." Very counter productive behavior but one I've seen engaged in often.

[rdsknbill]

CAT FIGHT!!!!!!!!! :laugh:

[Predicto]

Originally posted by Destino


I have to agree. Woman can be extremely horrible with eachother and often describe other women as "sluts" and "whores." Very counter productive behavior but one I've seen engaged in often.


You and Jen are correct. I need to retract.

What I MEANT to say is that this particular double standard FAVORS men.

[halter91]

2 times if I recall, but i haven't dated in so long forget.

[riggins44]

:doh: The offseason seems to get longer and longer each year. :D

[Painkiller]

Originally posted by riggins44
:doh: The offseason seems to get longer and longer each year. :D

:laugh: We're getting there, only a few more months. ;)

[Leonard Washington]

i'll take it any way i can get it

[dks1240]

Originally posted by Leonard Washington
i'll take it any way i can get it


:laugh: :laugh:


that falls in the top 10 greastest post EVER. :laugh:

[Painkiller]

Originally posted by dks1240



:laugh: :laugh:


that falls in the top 10 greastest post EVER. :laugh:

dks, I just noticed your sig. How appropriate... :laugh:

;)

[dks1240]

Originally posted by Painkiller


dks, I just noticed your sig. How appropriate... :laugh:

;)


haha, i didnt think anyone actually read the writing. the tattoo normally gets in the way of that :laugh:

[stevenaa]

Nope. My wife and I dated several months first, but knew each other a while before dating. Sex is a powerful thing that can cloud the senses. I think it's best to know the person before jumping in. Now if your into just dating around, I suppose it doesn't matter. But, I always believed that every date was a potential mate. Thus I was very selective with who I dated.


As to the double standard, I don't think it is as prevelant as it has been portrayed. I bet woman have the same standard regarding the promiscuity of their dates.

[illone]

having sex on the first date is a MUCH bigger deal to a woman than to a man. That's just the way it is. Women get all emotional and attached right away and men usually get turned off by that. For men it's all about the chase and as soon as we conquor "it" we move on to try to conquor and bang other chicks. It's kind of like Monopoly. The one with the most property at the end wins.

You women can complain about it all you want, but the truth is if you want a guy to respect you then act respectable. I would be willing to bet that any woman who gets upset about this subject is a woman that has been screwed over by a man because they gave up the ghost too soon.

It's a crazy game, really. If you give it up too soon then the guy will not respect you. If you hold out too long we'll think you are a c*ck-tease and won't want to date you anymore.

Don't hate the playa, hate the game.

[jenmdixon]

Originally posted by illone
having sex on the first date is a MUCH bigger deal to a woman than to a man. That's just the way it is. Women get all emotional and attached right away and men usually get turned off by that. For men it's all about the chase and as soon as we conquor "it" we move on to try to conquor and bang other chicks. It's kind of like Monopoly. The one with the most property at the end wins.

You women can complain about it all you want, but the truth is if you want a guy to respect you then act respectable. I would be willing to bet that any woman who gets upset about this subject is a woman that has been screwed over by a man because they gave up the ghost too soon.

It's a crazy game, really. If you give it up too soon then the guy will not respect you. If you hold out too long we'll think you are a c*ck-tease and won't want to date you anymore.

Don't hate the playa, hate the game.

Obviously, you haven't met my female friend from college who enjoys a love-em-and-leave-em attitude, with guys begging her (yes, you read that right - begging - I saw it for myself) to try a long-term relationship after one-night stands or first-dates. She's not a long-term relationship type though - but that doesn't make her a slut or a 'ho.

...or my male friend from college who would rather wait than go for it, and always ends up being cheated on or dumped because he doesn't want a cheap screw. No, he's not a shutin and he doesn't live with his parents - he's looking for someone special and is religious.

I think it all depends on the person and what their attitude is towards sex and who they choose as their sexual partners. If you choose badly (whether through laziness, fear, lack of education about the issues, stupidity, alcohol-haze, etc.), well, it's on you, since sex has this great component called self-control, right?

Yes, there are plenty of people who try their damndest to adhere to these archaic and STUPID stereotypes (and yes, including the phrases "she was a ****-tease" and "I've got blueballs because you won't put out" and "you can't make a wife out of a 'ho").

Try to escape being a lemming.

[Rocky21]

How often do you get to quote Lynyrd Skynyrd?

"I know who you are baby
I know what they call you girl
Never put you down baby
I’m just like you baby, I’m on the hunt"

Hate the double standard. I don't practice it.

[GSF]

Does it count if the date was with 2 girls?:evil:

[illone]

Originally posted by GSF
Does it count if the date was with 2 girls?:evil:


Bonus!!!

:cool:

[rdsknbill]

Originally posted by GSF
Does it count if the date was with 2 girls?:evil:

:yikes: :notworthy :notworthy

Mega Bonus

[illone]

Originally posted by jenmdixon
Obviously, you haven't met my female friend from college who enjoys a love-em-and-leave-em attitude, with guys begging her (yes, you read that right - begging - I saw it for myself) to try a long-term relationship after one-night stands or first-dates. She's not a long-term relationship type though - but that doesn't make her a slut or a 'ho.


Yes, it does make her a slut. No offense but any guy will tell you that her behavior qualifies as slutty. You are bias because you are her friend.

Again, no offense to you or her but for the sake of the discussion she qualifies as a slut. It's a shame that this double standard exists, but that's life.

[jenmdixon]

Originally posted by illone
Yes, it does make her a slut. No offense but any guy will tell you that her behavior qualifies as slutty. You are bias because you are her friend.

Again, no offense to you or her but for the sake of the discussion she qualifies as a slut. It's a shame that this double standard exists, but that's life.

So, tell me, in your world, what exactly constitutes a slut? How many sexual partners? In what timeframe? How one dresses? How one acts other than in sexual encounters?

I'm all ears.

[Henry]

ill, quit while you're behind, buddy.

[rdsknbill]

Henry SSHHHH

This could get good ;)

[sonsofwashington]

As I read this whole thread I tried to recall an offical "first date" that included sex at some point during the "date". Like some people have mentioned "offical dates" are not my bag. I have been on dates, but dont really enjoy them....too much tension to conform to the other person for the sake of not making the date an entire nightmare.....and some dates can really be nightmares......and then you are really screwed..HAHAHAHA. Laughing at my bad experiences.

So since I can't recall I guess the answer is no, but I swear it is yes...so so close to want to touch to so close to touch. lol.

My take on a woman's past:
What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas......just as long as when she leaves Vegas she stays the hell away from Nevada! lol.

[zoony]

Is illone really taking this subject on?

:doh:

[illone]

Originally posted by jenmdixon
So, tell me, in your world, what exactly constitutes a slut? How many sexual partners? In what timeframe? How one dresses? How one acts other than in sexual encounters?

I'm all ears.


This is not about my world or your world or any of that. This is nothing personal. Like I said above, I mean no offense or personal attack here. I don't know you or your friend. I am sure she is a great person, as are you.

BUT, nine times out of ten if you tell that story in public with people listening someone is going to think to themself "what a slut". Anyone who tells you otherwise is scared to tell the truth and just wants to kiss your ass.

The point here is that most people are very quick to judge others. I didn't make this up, this is a fact of life. If you were to tell most people on the street that "Hey my girlfriend here likes sex and doesn't deal with relationships" 99% of the people who heard you are going to think "slut" right away.

Sad but true.

[sonsofwashington]

Here is how I define slut:

A woman who will sleep with any man on any given night in any number of consecutive nights without regard for the man, the man's partners/friends (wifes, friends), herself, and or her partners/friends. So really what I mean is if you sleep with anything that moves without regard my impression of you is that you are a 'slut'. If I get to know you and I like your personality, then I'll consider the promiscuity to be a personality defect, which we all have, and then i'll probably just think you're 'easy'.

A slut is the kinda girl who sleeps with every man, including her best friend's husband. It's a little more selfish than just being easy. That is sort of where I am going with that.

Can't say I haven't slutted myself at one point in my life......17-20, but it's all good. No harm done, no relationships severed and I'm still alive and healthy.

[Henry]

Originally posted by illone



This is not about my world or your world or any of that. This is nothing personal. Like I said above, I mean no offense or personal attack here. I don't know you or your friend. I am sure she is a great person, as are you.

BUT, nine times out of ten if you tell that story in public with people listening someone is going to think to themself "what a slut". Anyone who tells you otherwise is scared to tell the truth and just wants to kiss your ass.

The point here is that most people are very quick to judge others. I didn't make this up, this is a fact of life. If you were to tell most people on the street that "Hey my girlfriend here likes sex and doesn't deal with relationships" 99% of the people who heard you are going to think "slut" right away.

Sad but true.

The thing I don't get here, and maybe I'm mis-reading you here, is not that a double standard exists for some men (which it clearly does.) But that you think this justifies practicing the double standard yourself. What you think and do IS your world, and has nothing to do with what other men think.

[illone]

Originally posted by Henry


The thing I don't get here, and maybe I'm mis-reading you here, is not that a double standard exists for some men (which it clearly does.) But that you think this justifies practicing the double standard yourself. What you think and do IS your world, and has nothing to do with what other men think.


I understand what you are saying, Henry and can see why you would think that I am that way. I did post above that I think it's a shame that this double standard exists. Did you catch that part?

I've been with the same woman for over a year and a half. I no longer care about the game nor do I play it personally. I do get to witness it regularly as I have plenty of single friends and at one point I was single too so I get "it". I used to care about only one thing, taking down as much real estate as possible in as little time as possible. Command and conquor:laugh:

It's a widely known fact that women are labeled as "whores" far quicker and easier than any man would be for the same actions. In most circles it is socially acceptable for men to act worse than a woman in the same situation and not be frowned upon. In other words my neighbor Lisa slept with the postman, she's a slut. Well, what about the postman?

Jen, I apologize if I offended you in any way. I did not mean to single you out and I re-read my post above. It was a bit harsh. I'm much better in person because over the net I tend to blurt stuff out without explaining it. Anyways, hope you don't take offense to the slut comments. When I say she is considered a slut what I really mean is that most people would label her as such simply because that is human nature.

[TODD]

Originally posted by sonsofwashington
Here is how I define slut:

A woman who will sleep with any man on any given night in any number of consecutive nights without regard for the man, the man's partners/friends (wifes, friends), herself, and or her partners/friends. So really what I mean is if you sleep with anything that moves without regard my impression of you is that you are a 'slut'. If I get to know you and I like your personality, then I'll consider the promiscuity to be a personality defect, which we all have, and then i'll probably just think you're 'easy'.

Switch those genders around and you have yourself... a guy. :)

[WM_Marylander]

Probably the only college aged kid who'll say no.


Not really my bag. I'm probably in the barely will even kiss a girl on the first date. I'm not against that either, but I just do what feels comfortable.

It is not that I'm against that type of thing, because, to each his own, but, just not my style. Rather make sure it's something that is worth my time, or something I'd really want to think back and say, eh, that was worth it.

Though, I won't say never, maybe with that someone it'll happen. But, I'd bet probably not.

[sonsofwashington]

Originally posted by TODD


Switch those genders around and you have yourself... a guy. :)

A better word for that is a 'player'. I use the words 'player' and 'easy'. As opposed to 'man' and 'slut'. Unless the hoe cheated on me! lol. j/k

When my female friends ask me about guys...........if I think he is a male slut I call the guy a player. What I am trying to tell them is becareful cause he probably will cheat on you and sex is certainly a priority for him. Its up to them to decide what to do from there. Doesn't entirely bash the person, but certainly keeps it real.

[jenmdixon]

Originally posted by illone
This is not about my world or your world or any of that. This is nothing personal. Like I said above, I mean no offense or personal attack here. I don't know you or your friend. I am sure she is a great person, as are you.

BUT, nine times out of ten if you tell that story in public with people listening someone is going to think to themself "what a slut". Anyone who tells you otherwise is scared to tell the truth and just wants to kiss your ass.

The point here is that most people are very quick to judge others. I didn't make this up, this is a fact of life. If you were to tell most people on the street that "Hey my girlfriend here likes sex and doesn't deal with relationships" 99% of the people who heard you are going to think "slut" right away.

Sad but true.

99%? If they are all men, perhaps.

Women don't all think that way - in fact, women would be more likely to think that she has issues (which she does) and/or has been abused.

At least most of the women I know would be thinking that way...



Originally posted by Henry
The thing I don't get here, and maybe I'm mis-reading you here, is not that a double standard exists for some men (which it clearly does.) But that you think this justifies practicing the double standard yourself. What you think and do IS your world, and has nothing to do with what other men think.


ITA, Henry. Thanks for saying it.

Putting labels on people requires that you associate the label with your own knowledge/experiences, so it *IS* your world from which you speak.



Originally posted by illone
I understand what you are saying, Henry and can see why you would think that I am that way. I did post above that I think it's a shame that this double standard exists. Did you catch that part?

I've been with the same woman for over a year and a half. I no longer care about the game nor do I play it personally. I do get to witness it regularly as I have plenty of single friends and at one point I was single too so I get "it". I used to care about only one thing, taking down as much real estate as possible in as little time as possible. Command and conquor:laugh:

It's a widely known fact that women are labeled as "whores" far quicker and easier than any man would be for the same actions. In most circles it is socially acceptable for men to act worse than a woman in the same situation and not be frowned upon. In other words my neighbor Lisa slept with the postman, she's a slut. Well, what about the postman?

Jen, I apologize if I offended you in any way. I did not mean to single you out and I re-read my post above. It was a bit harsh. I'm much better in person because over the net I tend to blurt stuff out without explaining it. Anyways, hope you don't take offense to the slut comments. When I say she is considered a slut what I really mean is that most people would label her as such simply because that is human nature.


illone, np. I know it's not personal.

But understand that calling someone a 'slut' has a really negative connotation - especially when you basically said that you used to act like one when you were single. Pot calling the kettle black, as it were.

I am not sure where people get these ideas that all women are that judgmental. Yeah, some are (including women in my own family). But that doesn't mean all of them are - in fact, I know more women with open minds than closed. I guess I'm lucky that way.

I also find it quite ironic that it has been posted that women are *SO* judgmental about women who are more free in their sexual lives when it has been mostly MEN in this thread who have judged those women as 'sluts'. JMHO.

[jenmdixon]

Originally posted by sonsofwashington
Here is how I define slut:

A woman who will sleep with any man on any given night in any number of consecutive nights without regard for the man, the man's partners/friends (wifes, friends), herself, and or her partners/friends. So really what I mean is if you sleep with anything that moves without regard my impression of you is that you are a 'slut'. If I get to know you and I like your personality, then I'll consider the promiscuity to be a personality defect, which we all have, and then i'll probably just think you're 'easy'.

A slut is the kinda girl who sleeps with every man, including her best friend's husband. It's a little more selfish than just being easy. That is sort of where I am going with that.

Can't say I haven't slutted myself at one point in my life......17-20, but it's all good. No harm done, no relationships severed and I'm still alive and healthy.



Originally posted by TODD
Switch those genders around and you have yourself... a guy. :)

:1stplace:



Originally posted by sonsofwashington
A better word for that is a 'player'. I use the words 'player' and 'easy'. As opposed to 'man' and 'slut'. Unless the hoe cheated on me! lol. j/k

When my female friends ask me about guys...........if I think he is a male slut I call the guy a player. What I am trying to tell them is becareful cause he probably will cheat on you and sex is certainly a priority for him. Its up to them to decide what to do from there. Doesn't entirely bash the person, but certainly keeps it real.

A better word for a MAN is a 'player', eh? But you cannot use that label for a WOMAN, right?

That's a bunch of crap.

'Player' would be acceptable ONLY if it is used for BOTH sexes OR for NEITHER. So would the use of 'slut' or 'ho', but only if the use of it is consistent for BOTH sexes.

[sonsofwashington]

What I meant was:

"Switch those genders around and you have yourself..." a player.

It's not meant to be a compliment. I think you think I'm calling a man a player as some sort of compliment. I thought I tried to give an example of how I am not using it as a compliment, but maybe where you are from 'player' is a good thing.

I'm not saying you can't call a girl a player, I'm just telling you how I phrase it. It's not a rule, it just my habit. 'player' and 'easy' apply to both sexes, but I was just giving yall a little insight to my habit. No double standard at all. I would have no problem flipping the owrds in any situation. I think people would still get my drift.

This is sort of off topic as far as the whole 'slut' issue is concerned. The whole issue of equality between men and women is can be ugly in so many areas. I'm not saying women or men shoud be discriminated. I just think it's ugly when women start behaving like men and vice versa. Live your life how ever you want to, but I want my woman to be/act like a woman so I can be a man. That's just me. It's not a discriminatory thing, but it certainly depends on my idea of what I means to be a woman and what it means to be a man. I think, however, that we all have the right our own opinions on that.

For example: (kind of a strech but hopefully you get my point) I dont want to come home to find my wife on the couch with a lip full of tobacco with her hand down her pants.

[stevenaa]

"Women don't all think that way - in fact, women would be more likely to think that she has issues (which she does) and/or has been abused."

I think this is way over generalized.


It odd that so many operate with the, "that's the way it is" mentality regarding the double standard. The act is what it is, whether male or femaile. How is it acceptable for a man sleep around and not a woman. A woman is no more a slut than a man, given equal behavior.

[sonsofwashington]

You are right, but traditionally those threshold points appear to have been different. Recently our society has been able to close the gap a little.

[Johnny Punani2]

Yep, and I married her too!

[Johnny Punani2]

If anyone sleeps with someone on the first date for the first time they meet then they are sluts. Pretty simple....

[chomerics]

Originally posted by jenmdixon


Obviously, you haven't met my female friend from college who enjoys a love-em-and-leave-em attitude, with guys begging her (yes, you read that right - begging - I saw it for myself) to try a long-term relationship after one-night stands or first-dates. She's not a long-term relationship type though - but that doesn't make her a slut or a 'ho.

...or my male friend from college who would rather wait than go for it, and always ends up being cheated on or dumped because he doesn't want a cheap screw. No, he's not a shutin and he doesn't live with his parents - he's looking for someone special and is religious.

I think it all depends on the person and what their attitude is towards sex and who they choose as their sexual partners. If you choose badly (whether through laziness, fear, lack of education about the issues, stupidity, alcohol-haze, etc.), well, it's on you, since sex has this great component called self-control, right?

Yes, there are plenty of people who try their damndest to adhere to these archaic and STUPID stereotypes (and yes, including the phrases "she was a ****-tease" and "I've got blueballs because you won't put out" and "you can't make a wife out of a 'ho").

Try to escape being a lemming.

Great post Jen :cheers:

You hit on so many points, and they are all spot on. It works both ways, I know a bunch of women who have the love-em and leave-em attitude, and I also know a bunch of guys who play it "cool" and hold out only to have their girlfriend getting it on with another guy.

I had a long discussion with this one friend of mine who doesn't like having sex until he really knows a girl (yes he is religious too) but he is a good looking guy who goes out on a lot of dates. He just doesn't understand that sex is a major part of a relationship, and people not only want to have sex, they need to. I tried to tell him this, but do you now how frustrating it is telling a guy he needs to put out :doh:

I have learned through various experiences with many different women in my younger days that you should find someone with the same sexual appetite as yourself or it will never work. Now with that being said, I now find myself single again for the first time in a long time, and I get to FINALLY test out some of my theories on women. I THINK I know how to push a womans buttons (sexual inuendo not intended) but I need to try it out and see how it goes :laugh:

[chomerics]

Originally posted by Johnny Punani
If anyone sleeps with someone on the first date for the first time they meet then they are sluts. Pretty simple....

Well I guess I am a man slut then :laugh:

Come on now Johnny, with a name like Punani do you really think this way? :laugh:

In all seriousness though, Jen is 100% correct in her thinking and she was justified in her posts. The only reason the double standard existists is because people like illone are absolute hypocrites. How anyone can justify calling someone a "slut" then say he takes the command and conquer attitude is beyond me.

It is one of the MAJOR problems with this country right now, and this is a great example. Everyone is sooooo quick to label and stereotype someone else, yet they can't see the real problem lies in the mirror. There is absolutely nothing I hate more in life then a hypoctite and unfortunately, that is pretty much all I see everyday. If people would just practice what the preach, this world would be a hell of a lot better of a place.

Now, bock to the topic, if you are a guy, and you will sleep with a girl on the first date, then you don't get to call anyone a slut. It should be that simple. You can say something like she is promiscious, or something like that, but a slut? No freakin way, you loose the ability to use that word and still be taken serious.

I also will say that through the people I've known in my life, the first to call somebody a slut or a ho is just as promiscious themselves. It is a common defense mechanism built in prople to go on the offensive instead of the defensive. If that person is a slut, then they can put the attention on somebody else instead of themsleves. Hypocritical to say the least.

[Ghost of Nibbs McPimpin]

Ok, I'm actually pretty 'liberal' on this subject but let's call a spade a spade.

I have a friend who was an ex of mine. Like a year, not even that, after we broke up(it was only 6 weeks but it was good for 'rebound') she told me that she had had sex with some of her friends(male friends, pervs) I'll be honest, part of me was saying:

I was your friend, dammit, how did I not get a taste.

Another part told that part: You want a bunch of dude-friends' sloppy seconds?

Another thing, if my daughter told me she had a love-em and leave-em one-night stand attitude towards sex, I'd be disgusted.

And before I get called a sexist, I'd feel the same way if my son didn't open up his heart to any of the girls he was having sex with and not being open about what he was doing with them.

I know it's cool to recognize that women are sexual beings too and that not all want relationships, but men and women are different and the more women want to be like men, the less respect they will earn as potential mothers/caregivers/sisters/daughters.

If I have a girl one day, I hope I'll raise her to be a lady. Not a prude or someone who only does things to please me, but someone who can be adult and honest with anyone that she may get involved with. (and same with a guy, but that's a given as I'll relate to him a certain way and impart honor in a way that is more difficult to do with women--another sexist view of mine lol)

[zoony]

it appears that so far (according to the poll), we have

110 sluts
46 prudes
17 who aren't sure.










....
:jk:

[Johnny Punani2]

Originally posted by chomerics


Well I guess I am a man slut then :laugh:

Come on now Johnny, with a name like Punani do you really think this way? :laugh:

In all seriousness though, Jen is 100% correct in her thinking and she was justified in her posts. The only reason the double standard existists is because people like illone are absolute hypocrites. How anyone can justify calling someone a "slut" then say he takes the command and conquer attitude is beyond me.

It is one of the MAJOR problems with this country right now, and this is a great example. Everyone is sooooo quick to label and stereotype someone else, yet they can't see the real problem lies in the mirror. There is absolutely nothing I hate more in life then a hypoctite and unfortunately, that is pretty much all I see everyday. If people would just practice what the preach, this world would be a hell of a lot better of a place.

Now, bock to the topic, if you are a guy, and you will sleep with a girl on the first date, then you don't get to call anyone a slut. It should be that simple. You can say something like she is promiscious, or something like that, but a slut? No freakin way, you loose the ability to use that word and still be taken serious.

I also will say that through the people I've known in my life, the first to call somebody a slut or a ho is just as promiscious themselves. It is a common defense mechanism built in prople to go on the offensive instead of the defensive. If that person is a slut, then they can put the attention on somebody else instead of themsleves. Hypocritical to say the least.

I can still like Punani and not be a slut. I'm pretty conservative when it comes to relationships. I've never cheatted on any woman I was in a relationship with. I've never slept with a woman I didn't know or just met.

I think my prior post is pretty fair. It deals with both men and women. I think the reason why women are held to a double standard is becuase they have the power when it comes to having sex. Since men are geared to have sex pretty much any time and any place women are the ones who control exactly where and when. If a woman uses that power in a way society in general believes is abusive or excessive then she will face negativity(ala slut, whore, etc)

[illone]

Originally posted by chomerics
Well I guess I am a man slut then :laugh:

Come on now Johnny, with a name like Punani do you really think this way? :laugh:

In all seriousness though, Jen is 100% correct in her thinking and she was justified in her posts. The only reason the double standard existists is because people like illone are absolute hypocrites. How anyone can justify calling someone a "slut" then say he takes the command and conquer attitude is beyond me.



Don't get all high and mighty with me, dood.

Stop, think, stop again, now think. Do you really respect those girls that sleep with you on the first date?

Really?

You are full of it and complete weak sauce if you do. You are the type of guy that is just "too nice" that all the girls want to be friends with. So much so that you sit at home and ask yourself why your sex life sucks. Well, I can now tell you why it sucks. It's because you are soft and you let women push you around. Grow a backbone for crying out loud. Women like confidence, not some weakling.

Nothing in my post was hypocritical. I just call it like it is.

Are you still friends with the girls you slept with on the first date?

Ask yourself why, and honestly come back and post that you don't think of those girls differently.

Ironic how you call me a hypocrite and you call yourself a man slut.

:rolleyes:

[ironmic]

Thats my whole objective:point2sky

[chomerics]

Originally posted by illone
[B]


Don't get all high and mighty with me, dood.

Stop, think, stop again, now think. Do you really respect those girls that sleep with you on the first date?

Really?


Absolutely, I can have sex with a woman on the first date and completely respect her. I am secure enough in my own masculinity to understand what a woman wants, and never hold that against her. I think if a man sleeps with a woman on the first date, and the man doesn't respect the woman after, then he wasn't really much of a man to begin with.

You need to stop looking at women as objects, and start looking at them as people. There are too many people like you out in the world and it doesn't make it a good place, it causes more harm, chaos and destruction then you could ever know.



You are full of it and complete weak sauce if you do. You are the type of guy that is just "too nice" that all the girls want to be friends with. So much so that you sit at home and ask yourself why your sex life sucks. Well, I can now tell you why it sucks. It's because you are soft and you let women push you around. Grow a backbone for crying out loud. Women like confidence, not some weakling.

You have no clue as to who I am do you? I can tell, because that post is sooo far away from my charactor and personality, it's almost laughable. You actually think I am soft? You actually think I let women push me around? Why would you jump to that conclusion? Because I said I respect a girl I'll sleep with on the first date?

What you are saying through your post is that you are not secure enough in your own masculenity to even respect yourself, let alone a woman. I would even stand out on a limb and say people who think like this usually have some homosexual tendencies, but you don't know how to deal with them, so they end up manifesting themselves into actions towards women. They end up treating women like objects instead of people.

You see when you call somebody a slut, but you yourself are one, there are some serious psychologicsl issues going on.



Nothing in my post was hypocritical. I just call it like it is.


Nothing was hypocritical? :wtf: You said a girl is a slut if she sleeps with a guy on the first date, but a guy has to "command and conquer"? Are you kidding me? Do you not see the GIANT CHASIAM OF MISSING LOGIC from your thougts???



Are you still friends with the girls you slept with on the first date?

Ask yourself why, and honestly come back and post that you don't think of those girls differently.

I do not think of them differently, I can honestly say that. You OTOH would have a problem with it wouldn't ya? It is the whole woman as object road bock you have going on. :doh:

[NASMTrainer]

Yes. I'll leave it at that

[Mufumonk]

Why does everyone get so uptight around here? Sluts need love too!

[illone]

chomerics,

I think you are lying and that deep down you know I am right.

I'd start a poll but you already know that most guys don't respect women who give it up on the first date. That's a fact, even though most guys in this thread are scared to admit it.

Women know it, too. Ask any woman what they think about another woman who gives it up quickly. Most women are even quicker to throw out the 'slut' judgement than men I know.

Not sure where you got the homosexual stuff from. Self doubt projected outwards, much? :laugh:

[RaleighSkinsMann]

Originally posted by illone
chomerics,

I think you are lying and that deep down you know I am right.

I'd start a poll but you already know that most guys don't respect women who give it up on the first date. That's a fact, even though most guys in this thread are scared to admit it.

Women know it, too. Ask any woman what they think about another woman who gives it up quickly. Most women are even quicker to throw out the 'slut' judgement than men I know.

Not sure where you got the homosexual stuff from. Self doubt projected outwards, much? :laugh:

Well I can honestly say, I've had a few instances where ive had sex with a chic on the first date, never thought they were sluts or whatever...lol..maybe they wanted to $&ck just like did...as a matter of fact ive been with my girl for 9 years (Dec 3) will be ten...and we had sex on the first date...............:wewantd:

[Henry]

Guys, let's take it down a notch, ok? Nobody's the embodiment of what's wrong with America. Nobody is lying. It's called a difference of opinion.

Illone, I think most women like self confident men. The problem is, many insecure or emotionally distressed women mistake selfish for self-confident, or aren't patient enough to make the distinction one way or the other. Those are the women who men often have a hard time respecting. And a man who sleeps with these types of women is generally emotionally immature himself, which is why he feels the need to belittle them as soon as he is done with them.

Men and women who are comfortable with themselves and their sexuality will not fall into these categories, no matter how far into a relationship they go before deciding to have sex.

Personally, I tend to agree that most women (and men for that matter) who are willing to have sex on the first date generally fall into the insecure category. But even I realize that is not always the case. Some people are just more casual about sex than I am. And as long as they don't give me a hard time for my choices, I see no reason to give them a hard time for theirs.

[illone]

Thanks Henry. I totally get what you are saying. I can come across as pretty harsh sometimes, especially on the net. I'm better in person, I swear:laugh:

[freakofthesouth]

Hey all...I'd like to quickly chime in here, about a current girl that I am dating.

A friend of mine that knows her kinda warms me, 'I always see her making out w/ other guys.' But if he were in my shoes, he will still hang out w/ her.

I met her out, got her number, and we met out one night and had a blast...and we hooked up.

We have been out since, and I've always had the thought of her being sexually flighty in the back of my mind.

However, I honestly believe that this girl likes me; when we go out together, she is w/ me, even when other dudes from her past try to get her attention. This speaks volumes to me...moreover, even if she did act like that before, she was younger, just moved to town...and it was before she even kew me. I can honestly say that I really don't think she's out making out w/ other dudes. Even if she is, I really wouldn't mind that much, because I am not attatched to her. If I saw her w/ another guy or whatever, I would most likely move on. But, I don't think that's the case.

Concluding my little story, I do have faith that you could, in fact, date, have a relationship w/, and potentially marry a woman that you sleep w/ on the first date.

I just want to feed the fire on the notion that women, just like men, are people, w/ thoughts, emotions, and the like. And the reality is, absolutely everyone thinks about and acts on sex and sexual attraction. The idea that men are alotted more sexual freedom is assinine; we are all human beings, w/ the same wants and desires.

As someone pointed out, a lot of the uncomfortable feelings that accompany being w/ a woman that has been w/ others that you know, etc, are based solely on your own insecurities.

We should look at it this way, too: it's the same thing when you think about (or know about) an ex of yours that is dating again, w/ someone else, etc. It is your own insecurities that make you feel like crap about the situation. The longer the relationship is, the harder it is to deal w/ this type of situation, because the more attached we become. We then think, 'hey, that's my woman! He can't be w/ my woman!' In reality, this is an absurd statement. It is only your own projected qualities onto your ex-mate, and your insecurities that make you feel so terrible when you know that they have moved on.

Even though this whole issue is a little off topic, try to look at it this way: if you were getting out of a relationship, and you found someone that you could date, wouldn't it make you happy, at least temporarily? Your ex feels the same way. So, we should only want happiness for the person that we love, or loved. You can see that our own insecurities force an un-natural response to these types of situations.

Understanding the scope and effect of our own perspective on the world, other people, and particualrly the opposite sex, we can clearly see that the problem begins w/ us as we look outward, and we can work from there.

So, to finish my friggin book here (sorry), dating requires a lot of independence, strength, and understanding of the opposite sex. The more secure you can go into a dating situation, the more likely you are to have an open door to meet your potential mate.

[chomerics]

Originally posted by illone
chomerics,

I think you are lying and that deep down you know I am right.

It really does not matter to me what you think. You are only a poster on a message board and I may have to deal with you 10 times for maybe 5 minutes in my life. I have to live with myself everyday, and as long as I am completely comfortable with my position, which I am, I can sleep happy.

If you actually go back and search through some of my threads, you will see that I am not the type of person you think I am. I have posted here about many different personal things, and I am extremely open about my sexuality, almost to a fault. I am just very secure with my position, and I am confident enough in my own abilities and judge of charactor to know I'm right. If I have no problem respecting women, that doesn't mean everyone thinks the same



I'd start a poll but you already know that most guys don't respect women who give it up on the first date. That's a fact, even though most guys in this thread are scared to admit it.

You maybe right, but you were completely off the mark with me. You tried to tell me who I am, and you were in the wrong ballpark. You can think you know who I am, and you can think you know my charactor by reading a single post, but until you read what i have to say on an every day basis, you really haven't a clue as to my charactor. I may have jumped down your throat a little too quick, but I will stick up for myself and call it like I see it.



Women know it, too. Ask any woman what they think about another woman who gives it up quickly. Most women are even quicker to throw out the 'slut' judgement than men I know.

You must have some completely shallow and hollow friends, but maybe that's why you think the way you do. I have friends who have different layers, and they are all confident in their own beliefs and ideas. They would NEVER say something like you just said, but again, it shows why you think the way you do. There is nothing worng with being hollow or naieve, but don't try to say everyone thinks like you do, because they don't. I myself do not, and I know a whole bunch of other people who don't think along those lines either. I stopped thinking like that when I was around 18 years old, once I came to grips with my own understanding of sex, and I have been a much happier man ever since.



Not sure where you got the homosexual stuff from. Self doubt projected outwards, much? :laugh:

It's actually a common psychological belief, and it is pretty prevelant in in mainstrean psychology. I don't remember the exact methodology used, but it has to deal with men treating women like objects instead of people. I believe the term is Gender Narcissism or something like that . . .

Here is a link written by a PhD.

http://www.narth.com/docs/1996papers/schoenwolf.html


General Characteristics of Gender Narcissism

Although I have written previously about gender narcissism (1989, 1991), 1 had not systematically studied the topic. In reexamining the psychoanalytic literature and reviewing the histories and psychodynamics of a group of gender-narcissistic patients, I was able to corroborate the basic theories of classical psychoanalysis, including the much-debated theories of female development, as well as delineate the characteristics and manifestations of gender narcissism.

In selecting patients for the study, I looked for the following features:

(1)Inferiority/superiority feelings about one's gender;

(2)Excessive concern about one's genitals;

(3)Envy of genitals of opposite sex;

(4)Resentment of one's gender role and envy of the role of the opposite sex.

(5)Bitterness and rage about feeling castrated or cheated (females), or about feeling psychologically castrated (males);

(6)Fears of castration (males) or annihilation (females);

(7)Oedipal guilt;

(8)Idealization (grandiosity) about one's own gender and devaluation of opposite gender;

(9)Idealization of mothers and devaluation of fathers.

Google the term heterosexual gender narcissism link (http://www.google.com/search?sourceid=mozclient&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8&q=heterosexual+gender+narcissism) and you will find exactly what I am talking about.

[chomerics]

Originally posted by freakofthenorth

As someone pointed out, a lot of the uncomfortable feelings that accompany being w/ a woman that has been w/ others that you know, etc, are based solely on your own insecurities.

We should look at it this way, too: it's the same thing when you think about (or know about) an ex of yours that is dating again, w/ someone else, etc. It is your own insecurities that make you feel like crap about the situation. The longer the relationship is, the harder it is to deal w/ this type of situation, because the more attached we become. We then think, 'hey, that's my woman! He can't be w/ my woman!' In reality, this is an absurd statement. It is only your own projected qualities onto your ex-mate, and your insecurities that make you feel so terrible when you know that they have moved on.

Even though this whole issue is a little off topic, try to look at it this way: if you were getting out of a relationship, and you found someone that you could date, wouldn't it make you happy, at least temporarily? Your ex feels the same way. So, we should only want happiness for the person that we love, or loved. You can see that our own insecurities force an un-natural response to these types of situations.

Understanding the scope and effect of our own perspective on the world, other people, and particualrly the opposite sex, we can clearly see that the problem begins w/ us as we look outward, and we can work from there.

So, to finish my friggin book here (sorry), dating requires a lot of independence, strength, and understanding of the opposite sex. The more secure you can go into a dating situation, the more likely you are to have an open door to meet your potential mate.

Great post. Having just ended a long 12 year relationship I can concur with what you say. I know I am better off, and if she starts dating, then I will be happy for her. I have already started, and I would expect her to do the same. I still truly care for her, and if that is what makes her happy, then so be it. . . That is until she starts dating illone, then all bets are off :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :jk:

[flyingtiger1013]

When I was single my rule was no nookie by the 3rd date, no fourth date.