Califan007
August-20th-2006, 12:06 PM
After two weeks of preseason football, I'm ready to make some predictions as to what we'll see this upcoming season:
Week 1: Portis will be held out mainly for precautionary measures. The committee of Betts, Cartwright and Sellers will run for 160 yards against the Vikings. At least one ES member will create a thread suggesting scenarios in which we trade Portis for a #1 draft pick because "We can do fine with Betts, Cartwright and Sellers carrying the rock for us".
Week 3: Brunell will overthrow an open Antwaan Randle El. Several threads will be created calling for Campbell to start next week.
Week 4: Lloyd will catch one pass for 15 yards. A thread will be started proclaiming him to be a "high priced bust" while another thread will deem him "no better than Rod Gardner".
Week 6: Mark Brunell will throw an interception. Several threads will be created calling for Campbell to start next week.
Week 7: Someone will point out the fact that the Skins offense last season had scored more points and gained more yards in their first seven games, than the Skins offense this season through its first seven games. Nine threads will be merged into one and be titled "Gibbs Needs To Take The Offense Back From Al Saunders (Mega-Merge Mix)".
Week 10: Antwaan Randle El will have returned only one punt for a TD so far all season. A thread will be started proclaiming him to be a "high priced bust" while another thread will deem him "no better than Antonio Brown".
Week 12: Mark Brunell gets sacked on one drive, taking the Skins out of field goal range. Several threads will be created calling for Campbell to start next week.
Week 13: Playoff scenario threads start to pop up all over the 1st page, each one have at least three posts saying that Campbell needs to start the remaining games "If we plan on advancing at all in the postseason".
Week 14: Someone will point out the fact that the Skins have the #5 offense this week to go along with the #2 defense. Nine threads will be merged into one and be titled "Saunders Was The Best Offseason Pickup The Skins Made (Mega-Merge Mix)".
Week 15: The Skins win the division. One ES member creates a thread titled "We Will Do Nothing In The Postseason With Brunell As QB!". 247 other members b****slap him for seven pages straight.
Week 16: Skins earn bye and at least one home field game. Several dozen threads are created about getting tickets for the home playoff game. Someone bashes Daniel Snyder because they couldn't get a ticket.
Week 17: Sellars stubs his toe running out of bounds. Three threads are created calling Gibbs "stupid" for playing Sellers in a "meaningless game".
Week 19 (1st playoff game): Mark Brunell doesn't throw a TD pass. Several threads will be created calling for Campbell to start next week.
Week 20 (conference championship): Skins win big. Antwaan Randle El returns opening kickoff for a TD. Carter and Archuleta combine for three sacks. Lloyd and Moss each catch TDs of 50+ yards. Defense allows 6 points. Portis runs for over 100 yards. Someone starts a thread saying Gibbs was "stupid" for playing the starters in the 4th quarter. 247 other members b****slap him for seven pages straight.
Super Bowl: Skins win Super Bowl in tight, well fought game. Seven threads are started about how good it felt seeing Brunell smiling and finally winning "the big one". 12 threads are started about how great it was to see Portis' TD celebration dance. 29 threads will be started about how great it feels seeing Gibbs shut all the naysayers up, each thread having the phrase "the game has passed Gibbs by" in the title. One thread will be started about how sickening it was seeing Snyder in on the Super Bowl celebration festivities. 247 other members b****slap him for seven pages straight. Warrick Holdman is named MVP of the game.
Epilogue: Redskins lose their first preseason game of 2007, with first string offense looking less than sharp. Jason Campbell, the starter after Mark Brunell retires, throws an interception. Several threads will be created calling for Brunell to come out of retirement and start next week.
Week 1: Portis will be held out mainly for precautionary measures. The committee of Betts, Cartwright and Sellers will run for 160 yards against the Vikings. At least one ES member will create a thread suggesting scenarios in which we trade Portis for a #1 draft pick because "We can do fine with Betts, Cartwright and Sellers carrying the rock for us".
Week 3: Brunell will overthrow an open Antwaan Randle El. Several threads will be created calling for Campbell to start next week.
Week 4: Lloyd will catch one pass for 15 yards. A thread will be started proclaiming him to be a "high priced bust" while another thread will deem him "no better than Rod Gardner".
Week 6: Mark Brunell will throw an interception. Several threads will be created calling for Campbell to start next week.
Week 7: Someone will point out the fact that the Skins offense last season had scored more points and gained more yards in their first seven games, than the Skins offense this season through its first seven games. Nine threads will be merged into one and be titled "Gibbs Needs To Take The Offense Back From Al Saunders (Mega-Merge Mix)".
Week 10: Antwaan Randle El will have returned only one punt for a TD so far all season. A thread will be started proclaiming him to be a "high priced bust" while another thread will deem him "no better than Antonio Brown".
Week 12: Mark Brunell gets sacked on one drive, taking the Skins out of field goal range. Several threads will be created calling for Campbell to start next week.
Week 13: Playoff scenario threads start to pop up all over the 1st page, each one have at least three posts saying that Campbell needs to start the remaining games "If we plan on advancing at all in the postseason".
Week 14: Someone will point out the fact that the Skins have the #5 offense this week to go along with the #2 defense. Nine threads will be merged into one and be titled "Saunders Was The Best Offseason Pickup The Skins Made (Mega-Merge Mix)".
Week 15: The Skins win the division. One ES member creates a thread titled "We Will Do Nothing In The Postseason With Brunell As QB!". 247 other members b****slap him for seven pages straight.
Week 16: Skins earn bye and at least one home field game. Several dozen threads are created about getting tickets for the home playoff game. Someone bashes Daniel Snyder because they couldn't get a ticket.
Week 17: Sellars stubs his toe running out of bounds. Three threads are created calling Gibbs "stupid" for playing Sellers in a "meaningless game".
Week 19 (1st playoff game): Mark Brunell doesn't throw a TD pass. Several threads will be created calling for Campbell to start next week.
Week 20 (conference championship): Skins win big. Antwaan Randle El returns opening kickoff for a TD. Carter and Archuleta combine for three sacks. Lloyd and Moss each catch TDs of 50+ yards. Defense allows 6 points. Portis runs for over 100 yards. Someone starts a thread saying Gibbs was "stupid" for playing the starters in the 4th quarter. 247 other members b****slap him for seven pages straight.
Super Bowl: Skins win Super Bowl in tight, well fought game. Seven threads are started about how good it felt seeing Brunell smiling and finally winning "the big one". 12 threads are started about how great it was to see Portis' TD celebration dance. 29 threads will be started about how great it feels seeing Gibbs shut all the naysayers up, each thread having the phrase "the game has passed Gibbs by" in the title. One thread will be started about how sickening it was seeing Snyder in on the Super Bowl celebration festivities. 247 other members b****slap him for seven pages straight. Warrick Holdman is named MVP of the game.
Epilogue: Redskins lose their first preseason game of 2007, with first string offense looking less than sharp. Jason Campbell, the starter after Mark Brunell retires, throws an interception. Several threads will be created calling for Brunell to come out of retirement and start next week.