cphil006
September-20th-2006, 01:20 PM
This was taken from a Bears post and modified to fit our game...
The Redskins will punch the Texans in their stupid faces
What's up Houston. You hear that sound? No, not the sound of
premature ejaculations on some boat on Lake Minnetonka. No, not the
sound of thousands of simultaneous bong loads being ripped in St. Paul.
No, not the sound of a "cold front movin' in, yah, y'betch yah."
No. That sound you hear is the sound of fear. Oversized, tighty whitey
briefs drenched in pee-pee fear. Little children scared of the Bogeyman
fear. Strippers listening to Fred Smoot negotiate lap dances fear.
Yeah, that's right... I said it.
There's a storm cloud moving over Houston and it is raining Burgondy
and Gold acid rain. The kind that burns like a Antwaan Randle-El punt
return. Flesh to skull in under 4.3 seconds... A storm named the
Washington Redskins. The Washington Redskins are so fierce Sun Tzu came back to life to write a sequel, based on Joe Gibbs's strategy.
We already know the Redskins defense will punch you in your stupid face.
Like Carlos Rogers lobotomizing touchdowns out of Andre Johnsons' brain.
Andre still can't find his way to the Stadium. Capers, Boselli, Burleson, Chavous, Bennett... all
gone. Not because of contract disputes or money or coaching philosophy.
No, one reason. Capital Punishment super flying ninja kicks to the
head. Heck, even Dom Capers lives in Georgia because he thinks
there are no redskins there.
But enough about the Texans who left... let's discuss the Redskins who thunder in David Carr's nightmares... even when he is awake. Sean Taylor is a bad, bad man. He is like a Jesse Ventura body slam. But he doesn't wear a pink boa. Speaking of politics, did you know that Antwaan Randle-El is a Prince in Nigeria? And he is about to negotiate a large export of pain to Houston.
Speaking of Houston, I know it's been said before, but is there a reason
the Texans cannot play in the elements like the winterized, snow-chain
crapping, mercury sipping, teflon sweating, rust-proof, anondized
Washington Redskins? Is it for the same reason they wear skirts, keep Little Kitty diaries and play Hula Hoop?
Here's a new secret; The Redskins offense. They will punch your stupid face too! Mark Brunell is a statistical complexity so intense that computers get the Y2K bug all over again when analysing his numbers. A Mark Brunell bomb once caused native aboriginies in Australia to think the Sun had been devoured by a dragon and the Earth was about to end. Mark Brunell passes are so precisely accurate that we now set our clocks to Brunell Mean Time.
Then there's the toughest SOB this side of Thor. Marcus Washington doesn't
tackle men. Marcus Washington folds space time into subatomic particle crushing wormholes. Marcus Washington has been to the Pro Bowl so many times that he fooled Hawaii into thinking he is a native son. You say, but,
he is a native son... See! Marcus Washington is in your head now too, biatch!
You might want to watch the rest of our defense as well; if David Carr had a line like that in front of him he might get to bore us for another 14 years.
One can go on and on about the Washington Redskins players... how John Hall roundhouses Chuck Norris-like kicks through the uprights. How Clinton Portis goes through holes like the Detroit Lions go through coaches. How players react upon the sight of Sean Taylor like Mike Tice reacts at the sight of a library. How Cornelius Griffin turned the next guard into Spongebob Squarepants with one glance of curiosity. Or how Philip Daniels name is two incredibly tough words strung together - like Nuclear War. Think about that Houston, wordsmiths that you are...
*snicker.*
The Texans of legend and history have a fierce legacy of toughness and
warrior spirit. Their NFL namesakes may someday share this trait. But
not while the Washington Redskins are in the same league. Who knows... maybe with certain Houston wrestling connections, the Casserly can negotiate
charter membership into the next XFL?
But until then, they will continue to be the whipping boys of the
ultimate bringers of doom, devastation, destruction and domination.
Deadly distractions brought by a demonwind of desecrating Booyahness.
The man-eating, fire-spitting, atom-smashing men of so many superlative
adjectives that even Japanese game show hosts cannot adequately
describe their kick-*****-ocity.
The Washington Redskins...Hail victory.
The Redskins will punch the Texans in their stupid faces
What's up Houston. You hear that sound? No, not the sound of
premature ejaculations on some boat on Lake Minnetonka. No, not the
sound of thousands of simultaneous bong loads being ripped in St. Paul.
No, not the sound of a "cold front movin' in, yah, y'betch yah."
No. That sound you hear is the sound of fear. Oversized, tighty whitey
briefs drenched in pee-pee fear. Little children scared of the Bogeyman
fear. Strippers listening to Fred Smoot negotiate lap dances fear.
Yeah, that's right... I said it.
There's a storm cloud moving over Houston and it is raining Burgondy
and Gold acid rain. The kind that burns like a Antwaan Randle-El punt
return. Flesh to skull in under 4.3 seconds... A storm named the
Washington Redskins. The Washington Redskins are so fierce Sun Tzu came back to life to write a sequel, based on Joe Gibbs's strategy.
We already know the Redskins defense will punch you in your stupid face.
Like Carlos Rogers lobotomizing touchdowns out of Andre Johnsons' brain.
Andre still can't find his way to the Stadium. Capers, Boselli, Burleson, Chavous, Bennett... all
gone. Not because of contract disputes or money or coaching philosophy.
No, one reason. Capital Punishment super flying ninja kicks to the
head. Heck, even Dom Capers lives in Georgia because he thinks
there are no redskins there.
But enough about the Texans who left... let's discuss the Redskins who thunder in David Carr's nightmares... even when he is awake. Sean Taylor is a bad, bad man. He is like a Jesse Ventura body slam. But he doesn't wear a pink boa. Speaking of politics, did you know that Antwaan Randle-El is a Prince in Nigeria? And he is about to negotiate a large export of pain to Houston.
Speaking of Houston, I know it's been said before, but is there a reason
the Texans cannot play in the elements like the winterized, snow-chain
crapping, mercury sipping, teflon sweating, rust-proof, anondized
Washington Redskins? Is it for the same reason they wear skirts, keep Little Kitty diaries and play Hula Hoop?
Here's a new secret; The Redskins offense. They will punch your stupid face too! Mark Brunell is a statistical complexity so intense that computers get the Y2K bug all over again when analysing his numbers. A Mark Brunell bomb once caused native aboriginies in Australia to think the Sun had been devoured by a dragon and the Earth was about to end. Mark Brunell passes are so precisely accurate that we now set our clocks to Brunell Mean Time.
Then there's the toughest SOB this side of Thor. Marcus Washington doesn't
tackle men. Marcus Washington folds space time into subatomic particle crushing wormholes. Marcus Washington has been to the Pro Bowl so many times that he fooled Hawaii into thinking he is a native son. You say, but,
he is a native son... See! Marcus Washington is in your head now too, biatch!
You might want to watch the rest of our defense as well; if David Carr had a line like that in front of him he might get to bore us for another 14 years.
One can go on and on about the Washington Redskins players... how John Hall roundhouses Chuck Norris-like kicks through the uprights. How Clinton Portis goes through holes like the Detroit Lions go through coaches. How players react upon the sight of Sean Taylor like Mike Tice reacts at the sight of a library. How Cornelius Griffin turned the next guard into Spongebob Squarepants with one glance of curiosity. Or how Philip Daniels name is two incredibly tough words strung together - like Nuclear War. Think about that Houston, wordsmiths that you are...
*snicker.*
The Texans of legend and history have a fierce legacy of toughness and
warrior spirit. Their NFL namesakes may someday share this trait. But
not while the Washington Redskins are in the same league. Who knows... maybe with certain Houston wrestling connections, the Casserly can negotiate
charter membership into the next XFL?
But until then, they will continue to be the whipping boys of the
ultimate bringers of doom, devastation, destruction and domination.
Deadly distractions brought by a demonwind of desecrating Booyahness.
The man-eating, fire-spitting, atom-smashing men of so many superlative
adjectives that even Japanese game show hosts cannot adequately
describe their kick-*****-ocity.
The Washington Redskins...Hail victory.