I need a good joke! Fast!

[Gallntfox]

My buddy is in Iraq with the Army and has had a really rough week. That jetliner that went down killing 30 or so Turkish contractors happened right in front of him among other things. I am talking to him via IM as I type this and would love to tell type him a great joke to make him laugh a little. Hit me with your best!

[EersSkins05]

What do you have when you have two little green balls in your hand?

Kermit's undivided attention.

[tomgraham]

From Playboy:
Whats the best thing about dating a homeless woman?
You can drop her off anywhere!

[SKINS@THEGOALLINE]

The only military joke I know.

Q: How did Germany overrun Poland so easily at the outset of WWII?
A: They walked in backwards and said they were leaving.

[IONTOP]

An Irish sheep hearder goes to the doctor because he thinks he has an STD on his man area, turns out he is just allergic to wool..

P.S. Thank him for all he does for me.

[G-Prime]

take off your pants.

[d0ublestr0ker0ll]

The only military joke I know.

Q: How did Germany overrun Poland so easily at the outset of WWII?
A: They walked in backwards and said they were leaving.

HAHA! That's a kneeslap. :applause:

[Park City Skins]

One day, Jimmy Joe was walking down Main Street when he saw his buddy Bubba driving a brand new pickup. Bubba pulled up to him with a wide grin.

"Bubba, where'd you get that truck?!?"

"Bobby Sue gave it to me" Bubba replied.

"She gave it to you? I knew she was kinda sweet on ya, but a new truck?"

"Well, Jimmy Joe, let me tell you what happened.

We were driving out on County Road 6, in the middle of nowhere. Bobby Sue pulled off the road, put the truck in 4-wheel drive, and headed into the woods. She parked the truck, got out, threw off all her clothes and said, 'Bubba, take whatever you want'.

So I took the truck!"

"Bubba, you're a smart man!. Them clothes woulda never fit you!"

[Park City Skins]

3 friends, an American, and Irishman, and an Englishman walk into an old pub. All 3 sit at the bar and order pints. By coincidence, all three pints have a fly in them. The American looks at his pint with the fly in it, then simply drinks the whole thing.

The Englishman looks at his and protests. "Hey. I want another pint. I will not drink this one with this filthy fly in it."
Bartender gives him a new pint.

The Irishman looks at his, then reaches into the glass and picks out the fly. He slams the fly on the back with his finger and says " Spit it out!"

[Gallntfox]

3 friends, an American, and Irishman, and an Englishman walk into an old pub. All 3 sit at the bar and order pints. By coincidence, all three pints have a fly in them. The American looks at his pint with the fly in it, then simply drinks the whole thing.

The Englishman looks at his and protests. "Hey. I want another pint. I will not drink this one with this filthy fly in it."
Bartender gives him a new pint.

The Irishman looks at his, then reaches into the glass and picks out the fly. He slams the fly on the back with his finger and says " Spit it out!"


I LOVE THIS JOKE! Thanks~

[Gallntfox]

Thanks guys! He's signing off and heading to bed...11:30pm in Iraq now. He only has 2 months to go and he will be on his way home to his wife and 2 kids.

[Park City Skins]

Glad to be of some little help. God Bless him and the others there.

[blitzpackage]

Thanks guys! He's signing off and heading to bed...11:30pm in Iraq now. He only has 2 months to go and he will be on his way home to his wife and 2 kids.

Good luck and godspeed to him and his family.

[G.A.C.O.L.B.]

Why doesn't Mexico do well in the Olympics?

Because everyone who can run, jump, and swim is in the US.

[gibbsfan2018]

A cop calls a man and said that he arrested a thief that had his wife's pocket book.

The cop mentions that the thief said that he had it for 6 months and asks the man why it was not reported stolen.

The man says that the thief was charging less a month on the credit cards then is wife was.



Something like that

[Om]

The Aristocats. :)

An abridged version, of course.

[IONTOP]

The Aristocats. :)

An abridged version, of course.

So a nice family walks into a talent agent's office.......