The greatest football story ever told

[pgitta]

Ok everybody...let's have a little fun, and tell the epic story of Washington/Dallas Part I.


I've started it off. Try to stick with the format (...< >... be brief, and showcase your creativity!

Dont forget to leave your segment open-ended for the next person!

As the hour approached for the first clash of the season between the Redskins and the their hated antagonists, the Dallas Cowboys...

[pgitta]

...Joe Gibbs pondered the few options available to him with a wounded team...

[pgitta]

...as Quentin Portis attempted to stretch the tightness from his body and thought...

[Bigmuss1]

Why do ESers spell my name wrong, but then....

[iheartskins]

he reconsidered, and move to more important things like, Costume Balls in medeival France, where there were audiences that could fully appreciate his sartorial talents...

[pgitta]

...and don't concern themselves with such trivial matters. just then, mike Sellers approached screaming...

[Badgerrocks]

I'm too slow..hang on

[Badgerrocks]

"I have a hangnail! A hangnail I tell you! How can I go on?!"

"Now just simmer down, Dawg," said Portis and janky-spanky yanked the offensive item off. "Now off you go and make sure to tell Brandon..."

[pgitta]

...that this is how real men go to war. tell him to rest his neck bone and watch what we do to...

[stwasm]

...run the correct patterns, do what the coaching staff says and not fall asleep at the wrong times. Just at that moment, Sean Taylor limped in and said....

[Riggo-toni]

"What sad misfortune hath befallen me, to deny me my chance to strike fear in the heart of my enemies, and hear the weeping of their women as I strike them down before me." With that, he strutted off in frustration just as...

[DGreenistheBest]

...he went to the parking lot to break TO's face with his crutch. Then London Fletcher noticed...

[pgitta]

...the blood dripping from the rubber stopper like thingies at the bottom, and projectile vomited on Clintons pants.

[Badgerrocks]

At which point Portis jumped in and asked, "What should I wear for my presser today? This tiara or..."

[Dan T.]

which wasn't unusual because he has sworn a vow of silence until he literally kills a Cowboy wide receiver on the field of play. "Hey Hawk" when will you be ready to go?" Portis asked his teammate. On the notepad Sean carries to communicate, he wrote


Edit: Yikes, written before Riggatoni's edit. :doh:

[capt1an chaos]

T.O. must die, just then a football came bouncing in the room with Ladell Betts frantically running after it screaming.....

[pgitta]

...mine! mine! mine! I want it! It's my turn! To which Joe Gibbs shook his head and...

[IrepDC]

..."my Bad!"

edit: lol you have to be quick for this

[WigSkin]

...slowly released the gold studded leash from around Jason Campbells neck. JC turned slowly snarling at...

[DGreenistheBest]

Wade Phillips and told him to get his diaper because there was a **** storm coming. Then Tony Romo dropped his ball and yelled...

[WigSkin]

OOPS Clumsy ole me! I hope my pants don't fall down too.... OOPS! would you look at

[pgitta]

...that? I'm such a pansy, and I'm not getting paid enough for this ****...! Just then T.O arrived and...

[iheartskins]

gazed lovingly into a mirror, but his stupor of self-love was interrupted fortuitously by...

[DGreenistheBest]

...Roy Williams horse-collering him to the floor. Roy saw that he tackled TO and said, "Oh, sorry, I thought you were...

[pgitta]

..."one of them Giants guys....wait...who we playin' again? Man, I gotta stop shootin' that stuff"...as he ambled away confused and worried about how...

[capt1an chaos]

Badly Chris Cooley would burn there defense this sunday, just then London Fletcher started dancing around yelling

[DGreenistheBest]

about how he was going to pick Romo for 28 points in the first half. Sellers shrugged and said he'd do one better by

[Aghar]

knocking Roy Williams's head from his body. All while TO stared at...

[Touchdown Redskins]

...Terry Glenn, who, despite being lost for the season, tried to raise morale around the Cowboys locker room by dressing up in a cheerleading outfit. He had been practicing with the cheerleaders as well, and as he went to do the splits, he let a out a terrible scream:...

[timdaley73]

...as his tiny jock strap tumbled on to the ground. T.O and Romo runs towards the jock and takes turns sniffing and licking it as if they were dogs. Then Coach Phillips comes by laughing and saying...

[pgitta]

...hold on boys...let me get some of that. The rest of you, go...

[capt1an chaos]

shower together and I will go get Jerry so he can....

[SKINZ33]

Twirl around like a panzie man and blow kisses to all of you. Now, who wants.....

[Chachi]

to watch brokeback mountain again said jerrah. I just love that part in the movie when...

[Touchdown Redskins]

...the two Cowboys make love. Oh wait, was that today at practice? Nevermind, let's just focus on today's game by...

[pgitta]

...golly. The Redskins are about to...

[SKINZ33]

http://i164.photobucket.com/albums/u37/amb720/gladiator119a.jpg

Unleash hell upon those that doubt them and stand in their way towards the playoffs. They just signed Chuck Norris to...

[pgitta]

..the practice squad. This guy never misses a tackle, and cannot be blocked. When this game is over and...

[Hail2TheRedskins!]

the dust settles with the last Cowboy carted off the field. The cowpuke fans will be...

[Peter56s14gc]

...heartbroken and lower their cowardess heads in shame, wipe the tears off their pitifull eyes, and ride their horses back home to brokeback mt. where....

[DGreenistheBest]

TO will blame the whole thing on the coaches and Romo and remind everyone that he is the real 81. Then Tony will...

[SKINZ33]

Call his lover, Brandon Lloyd who is asking for a contract. Upon hearing this, Sean Taylor, who has turned green and angry (you wouldn't like him when hes angry) Tramples through the city Godzilla style to....

[pgitta]

...tear down buildings, and throw cars with people in them. Then he'll climb to the top of Texas Stadium and pee through the hole in the top. After that, Dallas will never...

[ldysknzfn1]

see the light of day again! This town will forever remember the day the Skins rode into town. It's like....

[Hail2TheRedskins!]

an endless horrible humiliation. But I am getting ahead of myself. Here is how the game actually unfolded. The opening coin toss was won by...

[ldysknzfn1]

....the underdogs that day. Little did the townspeople know what was about to come their way. The lightening flashed...the thunder rolled...Jason Whitten cowered in the corner by the....

[Gart Monk]

...rest of the offense, who understood that they were about to face a wounded animal and surely...

[SKINZ33]

There is going to be blood.
The smoke clears from the pregame intro, and yet the stadium is completely silent as the Cowboys get ready to kickoff like an old western flick. Tumbleweed goes across the stadium and then....

[Gart Monk]

...rolls into the padded barrier wall knocking one the stars down off its mount. The mood is now...

[pgitta]

...ugly. Finally, as the ball flies through the air, spectators watch in disbelief as an injured Rock taunts the Cowboy special teams by catching the ball and taking a knee at the 15 yards line in a display of disrespect and defiance to the puke defense.

The Brokebacks become livid and start...

[SKINZ33]

complaining to the refs as you can smell the breath of those foul- mouthed heethens. As they get ready to take the field, Campbell turns to his army and says......

[Gart Monk]

... look, it's the ghost of George Allen...

[Aston]

... causing a 5 yard delay of game penalty as the entire team looked around for the ghost. Then ...

[SKINZ33]

The ghost hops into Gibbs' body. All of a sudden Gibbs signals to Campbell to let 'er rip and open up the offense. Meanwhile, In the huddle....

[Gart Monk]

...Campbell calls Heavy Jumbo, I-formation, 26 dive, on two, ready break"...

[pgitta]

...but what no one else but the offense knew, was that was just code to throw off the cowturds, and in a blaze of speed...well...sort of like a blaze of speed...Mcardell runs down the right sideline as Jason hurls a flame trailing ball 85 yards that is just...

[Gart Monk]

...blinding to Roy Williams...

[Hail2TheRedskins!]

and 40 yards past Mcardell's outstreached arms, but luckily...

[pgitta]

...he had tripped 30 yards back anyway, so the defender stopped running. back to the huddle went our brave warriors, but alas!...

[Gart Monk]

..Portis was tired after missing his block so he...

[Hail2TheRedskins!]

started to signal for Betts when coach Gibbs, still haunted by the ghost of George Allen, screamed from the sideline ...

[stoney26]

"Play Super Smart!!....

[pgitta]

...Suddenly Brunell looked around and asked, "Who the hell is Super Smart?, Did we sign someone I didn't know about?", to which Gibbs replied...

[Hail2TheRedskins!]

"Are you still on this football team?", meanwhile back on the field...

[stoney26]

"Scott, just throw the damn check down to Betts, remember the game plan?"

[DGreenistheBest]

meanwhile back on the field...Sellers had just ran 40 yards plowing seven guys out of the way. It was first and goal on the...

[stoney26]

9 yard line. Gibbs can be heard yelling "Jumbo, Jumbo"

[stoney26]

Wade Phillips yells back "Your momma!"

[Aston]

... but the voice in his head was yelling "Draw play! Draw play!" Conflicted, he decided to call ...

[stoney26]

a screen pass to sellers in the flat that gains...

[pgitta]

...8 yards.

[ldysknzfn1]

Yes! A play that nets 8 yds in the redzone! Joe can't believe his good fortune so he calls to Al upstairs and says....

[Hail2TheRedskins!]

"I knew that would eventually work! Now what? And ...

[DGreenistheBest]

Al says, tell JC to sneak it to the left, but the radio cuts out right after "tell JC," so Gibbs calls...

[pgitta]

...a time out to ask someone what he should do...

[Hail2TheRedskins!]

But Jason, who's helmet audio is not working, does not hear the call for timeout and decides to ...

[pgitta]

...do something else, but since the timeout was called, he can't, so...

[Gart Monk]

...he looks to the sideline for some hand signals from coach Gibbs who is waving them in, this could only mean one thing...

[Hail2TheRedskins!]

another draw play. So Jason goes to the huddle and says...

[pgitta]

...with tear filled eyes..."he said do another draw play", to which..."

[ldysknzfn1]

Portis says..."eff that...just give it to me..I'll show em how it's done!" Meanwhile...

[pgitta]

...coach Williams saw the play call and was giving it to Gibbs, and he replied in a way few people have heard him speak, "Shut your ****ing trap Greg, this is MY team *******, and don't you forget it!", as he continued to...

[Gart Monk]

... carefully choose his next obscene phrase. This seem to be the only thing the team responds to he thought to himself. Maybe I should...

[Loxley]

........throw it to Lloyd, who cares if he broke his collar bone that worthless bum needs to earn his 10 million guarantee'd!

[pgitta]

...but then he realized what a dumb thought that actually was, because Lloyd was back in D.C. on injured reserve and he couldn't have a pass thrown to him even if he wanted to, so he just...

[Hail2TheRedskins!]

watched as JC audibled to a play action pass to cooley. So the ball was snaped and ...

[BuryYourDuke]

decided to do the safe thing and send in Suisham for the...

[Gart Monk]

...trick-play-action-field-goal-attempt... the NFL had never seen anything like it before. Troy Aikman, calling the game, says...

[pgitta]

..."And to think all this time we thought Joe Gibbs was a gelding. Wow. What a gutsy call by a hall of fame coach to win the game! The Redskins once again have shown..."

[Hail2TheRedskins!]

that they are willing to do whatever it takes to...

[Gart Monk]

...humiliate the evil empire that is the Dallas Cowboys. Suisham looks up at Dan Snyder's luxury box, nods his head and...

[pgitta]

...extends his middle finger and another Dallas/Washington game comes to an end as we fade to black with the sounds of T.O. screaming obcenities at Tony Romo who begins to cry for his ex-girlfriend, and Joe Gibbs heads for the locker-room to receive his mauling from the media for not winning in bigger style...


THE END

[ldysknzfn1]

Good job everyone! Nicely done...Now let's put all of this energy into supporting this team and let's go kick some Dallas ass! Who's w/me?:mad: :)

[Gart Monk]

I'm spent!

[pgitta]

I'm compiling now and will post the saga in a new thread so everyone can see the whole story.

You guys were great. I'm lucky I wasn't fired for laughing at my computer all day.

[BuryYourDuke]

We should do this every week...best thread in a while.