Teller
January-29th-2008, 02:53 AM
Friendship
by honorary_hog
Once upon a time, there lived a guy named rincewind.
He said, "go to Dogfish Head," and you can count me in!"
So the boys got together and formed up a plan,
"We better go to Dogfish," cause rincewind's the man!"
One by one from the Metro they came,
"On hog and LOD!" jrock called them by name.
But one name rang hollow, as jrock did shout:
"Mighty rincewind, that puss, has up-and dropped out!"
Suddenly the boys had a wrench in the works,
Stood up by ol' rince, that unmitigated jerk.
The plans had all changed in the blink of an eye,
And a freshly divorced hog, could scarce figure why.
They'd planned to go to Dogfish just for their friend rince,
But he bitched the hell out, and hasn't been seen since.
The five friends plowed on, but soon there were four,
As Peeb made like rince and bolted for the door.
LOD, jrock, hog and MIA,
Brothers in arms till their last dying day.
Hog quickly saw just which friends would dare hang,
Forever beside him till the fat lady sang.
At least PleaseBlitz tried, that drunken young bastard,
Till he hung with the big dogs who drank even faster.
As for rince, I proclaim, here in front of the masses,
"We had a great time without you, so kiss our fat asses!!!"
****
(Transcript of rincewind's appearance on Larry King Live.)
*As always, rince's comments are taken from his actual posts, and used out of context and without permission.*
Larry: I'm pleased to welcome as my guest for the next hour, one Mr. rincewind, who has just written a book entitled, "Unbreakable Bond: Supporting Your Friends in the Worst of Times." rince, it's good to have you on the show.
rince: Thanks.
Larry: Now I have to admit. When I went to my local Barnes & Noble this afternoon, I found your book on the same shelf as Lynn Spears' new how-to book on parenting. And somehow, I just found that strangely appropriate. Do you share that view?
rince: Two wrongs do not make a right.
Larry: Well, that's kind of what I was thinking. Obviously, Lynn Spears knows nothing about raising kids, and you know nothing about being a friend. Placing your books on the shelf together just seemed like common sense.
rince: So I guess what you're saying is that your 'sense' isn't very 'common,' huh?
Larry: Maybe not. But isn't it true that you recently abandoned a friend who had just suffered through a bitter divorce and lost his children? How could you possibly expect to accomplish anything positive by doing something like that?
rince: I see what you're saying. But a positive act without it causing a positive influence isn't really that positive of an act, now is it?
Larry: So you're saying that the boys were actually better off not having you at the 'freedom' celebration Saturday night? What if one of them would've been arrested....or worse?
rince: According to CNN there were no deaths or injuries.
Larry: Well, I guess that's a good thing, but certainly no thanks to you. Now, reports have come out that you actually missed the party to spend the evening with your new boyfriend, known only as "Johnny." Was it worth it?
rince: Johnny was the man tonight!!
Larry: Right, but what about Saturday? Is that where you were Saturday too?
rince: Hell yeah. He can play sloppy all he wants.
Larry: Whoa, whoa, rince. This is a family show. Please. Enough with the graphic inuendo.
rince: Where the **** is the video already?
Larry: Rince, please. I don't think we have a clip. Thank God. So, you claim to be a recovering alcoholic. Were you and Johnny drinking any alcohol when you were participating in your homo-erotic activities?
rince: Not as much as the other stuff *ahem* ingesting that day.
Larry: Mulp...I think I'm gonna be sick. ... I probably shouldn't continue this line of questioning, but is this Johnny's first gay relationship?
rince: I believe it is his 3rd.
Larry: How bout you. How many gay lovers have you had?
rince: Well, 21.
Larry: Wow. And how does Johnny compare? Do you have any complaints?
rince: Never good when your cheekbones are bigger than your ass cheeks.
Larry: Ouch. What made you stray from your wife? Is she just not in shape or what?
rince: Oh, she's in shape. She's just not a pure breed.
Larry: Not a pure breed? Meh., nevermind. I don't want this interview to take any uglier turns than it already has. Finally, rince, is there anything you'd like to say to hog? An apology maybe?
rince: I apologize. Seems like that is pretty much all you need to know.
Larry: Probably so. That's it for tonight, everyone. Tune in tomorrow night, when PleaseBlitz will attempt to explain why he ditched hog and the boys before midnight. Good night from Washington.
****
rockstar, LOD, MIA, Peeb...I appreciate the night out, gents. I'll see you all up here for the strip club circuit once the *ahem* check comes in. :)
rince, thanks for nothing. Cockbag. ;)
by honorary_hog
Once upon a time, there lived a guy named rincewind.
He said, "go to Dogfish Head," and you can count me in!"
So the boys got together and formed up a plan,
"We better go to Dogfish," cause rincewind's the man!"
One by one from the Metro they came,
"On hog and LOD!" jrock called them by name.
But one name rang hollow, as jrock did shout:
"Mighty rincewind, that puss, has up-and dropped out!"
Suddenly the boys had a wrench in the works,
Stood up by ol' rince, that unmitigated jerk.
The plans had all changed in the blink of an eye,
And a freshly divorced hog, could scarce figure why.
They'd planned to go to Dogfish just for their friend rince,
But he bitched the hell out, and hasn't been seen since.
The five friends plowed on, but soon there were four,
As Peeb made like rince and bolted for the door.
LOD, jrock, hog and MIA,
Brothers in arms till their last dying day.
Hog quickly saw just which friends would dare hang,
Forever beside him till the fat lady sang.
At least PleaseBlitz tried, that drunken young bastard,
Till he hung with the big dogs who drank even faster.
As for rince, I proclaim, here in front of the masses,
"We had a great time without you, so kiss our fat asses!!!"
****
(Transcript of rincewind's appearance on Larry King Live.)
*As always, rince's comments are taken from his actual posts, and used out of context and without permission.*
Larry: I'm pleased to welcome as my guest for the next hour, one Mr. rincewind, who has just written a book entitled, "Unbreakable Bond: Supporting Your Friends in the Worst of Times." rince, it's good to have you on the show.
rince: Thanks.
Larry: Now I have to admit. When I went to my local Barnes & Noble this afternoon, I found your book on the same shelf as Lynn Spears' new how-to book on parenting. And somehow, I just found that strangely appropriate. Do you share that view?
rince: Two wrongs do not make a right.
Larry: Well, that's kind of what I was thinking. Obviously, Lynn Spears knows nothing about raising kids, and you know nothing about being a friend. Placing your books on the shelf together just seemed like common sense.
rince: So I guess what you're saying is that your 'sense' isn't very 'common,' huh?
Larry: Maybe not. But isn't it true that you recently abandoned a friend who had just suffered through a bitter divorce and lost his children? How could you possibly expect to accomplish anything positive by doing something like that?
rince: I see what you're saying. But a positive act without it causing a positive influence isn't really that positive of an act, now is it?
Larry: So you're saying that the boys were actually better off not having you at the 'freedom' celebration Saturday night? What if one of them would've been arrested....or worse?
rince: According to CNN there were no deaths or injuries.
Larry: Well, I guess that's a good thing, but certainly no thanks to you. Now, reports have come out that you actually missed the party to spend the evening with your new boyfriend, known only as "Johnny." Was it worth it?
rince: Johnny was the man tonight!!
Larry: Right, but what about Saturday? Is that where you were Saturday too?
rince: Hell yeah. He can play sloppy all he wants.
Larry: Whoa, whoa, rince. This is a family show. Please. Enough with the graphic inuendo.
rince: Where the **** is the video already?
Larry: Rince, please. I don't think we have a clip. Thank God. So, you claim to be a recovering alcoholic. Were you and Johnny drinking any alcohol when you were participating in your homo-erotic activities?
rince: Not as much as the other stuff *ahem* ingesting that day.
Larry: Mulp...I think I'm gonna be sick. ... I probably shouldn't continue this line of questioning, but is this Johnny's first gay relationship?
rince: I believe it is his 3rd.
Larry: How bout you. How many gay lovers have you had?
rince: Well, 21.
Larry: Wow. And how does Johnny compare? Do you have any complaints?
rince: Never good when your cheekbones are bigger than your ass cheeks.
Larry: Ouch. What made you stray from your wife? Is she just not in shape or what?
rince: Oh, she's in shape. She's just not a pure breed.
Larry: Not a pure breed? Meh., nevermind. I don't want this interview to take any uglier turns than it already has. Finally, rince, is there anything you'd like to say to hog? An apology maybe?
rince: I apologize. Seems like that is pretty much all you need to know.
Larry: Probably so. That's it for tonight, everyone. Tune in tomorrow night, when PleaseBlitz will attempt to explain why he ditched hog and the boys before midnight. Good night from Washington.
****
rockstar, LOD, MIA, Peeb...I appreciate the night out, gents. I'll see you all up here for the strip club circuit once the *ahem* check comes in. :)
rince, thanks for nothing. Cockbag. ;)