Califan007
December-12th-2008, 03:30 AM
I was listening to the radio and of course the occasional Christmas song was added to the normal rotation...and while listening to them, I couldn't help but think "Who the **** thought this **** up?"
For example:
"I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus".
Who's the braindead doofus who thought THAT would make a nice topic for a Xmas song??...Yeah, some kid wakes up in the middle of the night to see if Santa has been there yet, only to find "Santa" sticking his tongue down mommy's throat. THERE'S a kid who'll be needing therapy when he's older. And not only does his perception of Ol' Saint Nick get flushed down the toilet, he NOW thinks mommy is cheating on daddy as well!! Jeebus, they might as well have called it "Sorry, Kid, Your Mom's A Slut". Instead of milk and cookies, this little turd will be leaving condoms out for Santa next year. WONDERFUL song, that one is.
"All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth".
Yeah, ok, let's all ask for better looks for Xmas this year. Was this Paris Hilton as a kid or something? I'm sure the updated version is titled "All I Want For Christmas Is A Nose Job And Some Botox", and couldn't you just see Michael Jackson adding it to his next Xmas album. I mean, why ask for world peace or and end to starvation when all you really want in life is an easier way to eat corn on the cob. Great priorities you got there, son.
"Santa Claus Is Coming To Town".
What the hell is this?!..."You better watch out/You better not cry/You better not pout"...Santa's issuing threats now? And that's a pretty high standard to force a kid to live up to, don't ya think? I mean, at least when God asks you to be perfect he rewards you with eternal Life in a 100% blissful, serene and heavenly existence. When Santa demands perfection from you, all you end up with is a wobbly tricycle and some underwear.
And he sees you when you're sleeping? He knows when you're awake? He knows when you've been bad? He knows when you've been good? Holy ****. Yeah, why not throw some paranoia into the ol' Xmas cheer while we're at it. I wouldn't be surprised if this song has kids seeing black helicopters outside their windows and checking the smoke detectors for bugs.
"Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer".
So Rudolph is made the butt of jokes, laughted at constantly, called every name in the book, excluded from those damn games that reindeer play...until they need something from him. Then of course they all love him. Yeah, let's all sing praises to ostracizing and ridiculing people...until we can find a way to take advantage of them! If it was me who wrote the song, instead of guiding Santa's sleigh through the storm, I would have Rudolph telling Santa "f*** you, fat boy!"...and let Kris Kringle and his 8 thugs go slamming into the side of a mountain somewhere. Yeah, I got your reindeer games right here, buddy!
I love Christmas. :cool:
For example:
"I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus".
Who's the braindead doofus who thought THAT would make a nice topic for a Xmas song??...Yeah, some kid wakes up in the middle of the night to see if Santa has been there yet, only to find "Santa" sticking his tongue down mommy's throat. THERE'S a kid who'll be needing therapy when he's older. And not only does his perception of Ol' Saint Nick get flushed down the toilet, he NOW thinks mommy is cheating on daddy as well!! Jeebus, they might as well have called it "Sorry, Kid, Your Mom's A Slut". Instead of milk and cookies, this little turd will be leaving condoms out for Santa next year. WONDERFUL song, that one is.
"All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth".
Yeah, ok, let's all ask for better looks for Xmas this year. Was this Paris Hilton as a kid or something? I'm sure the updated version is titled "All I Want For Christmas Is A Nose Job And Some Botox", and couldn't you just see Michael Jackson adding it to his next Xmas album. I mean, why ask for world peace or and end to starvation when all you really want in life is an easier way to eat corn on the cob. Great priorities you got there, son.
"Santa Claus Is Coming To Town".
What the hell is this?!..."You better watch out/You better not cry/You better not pout"...Santa's issuing threats now? And that's a pretty high standard to force a kid to live up to, don't ya think? I mean, at least when God asks you to be perfect he rewards you with eternal Life in a 100% blissful, serene and heavenly existence. When Santa demands perfection from you, all you end up with is a wobbly tricycle and some underwear.
And he sees you when you're sleeping? He knows when you're awake? He knows when you've been bad? He knows when you've been good? Holy ****. Yeah, why not throw some paranoia into the ol' Xmas cheer while we're at it. I wouldn't be surprised if this song has kids seeing black helicopters outside their windows and checking the smoke detectors for bugs.
"Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer".
So Rudolph is made the butt of jokes, laughted at constantly, called every name in the book, excluded from those damn games that reindeer play...until they need something from him. Then of course they all love him. Yeah, let's all sing praises to ostracizing and ridiculing people...until we can find a way to take advantage of them! If it was me who wrote the song, instead of guiding Santa's sleigh through the storm, I would have Rudolph telling Santa "f*** you, fat boy!"...and let Kris Kringle and his 8 thugs go slamming into the side of a mountain somewhere. Yeah, I got your reindeer games right here, buddy!
I love Christmas. :cool: