What is the funniest thing you heard or saw today

[Burgold]

So, many of the threads I've peeked into have been fine examples of extreme grumpititude... we need some funny. Please provide.

I'll come back when something fun has happened today so I'll start with yesterday.

I'm sitting at a restaurant for lunch. In comes two attractive women. They are seated across from me. One pulls out her laptop and swivels away from the woman she is seated with and boots it up. The other takes out her blackberry and immediately begins texting. Ten minutes later, a guy shows up sits down and pulls out his laptop, sits down and begins working. About 15 minutes later the food shows up. They are still happily typing, texting, and doing whatever they are doing on their various machines. Not a sentence has been exchanged other than "hello" This is a sit down restaurant with waiters and a nice wine list. I leave about forty minutes after they were seated. The computers are still going. The blackberry person is still tooling away. I don't think I ever heard them say a word to each other.

It just struck me as highly absurd, funny, and a sad metaphor for our times.

[Mondizzle]

Yeah, I was gonna say... that's not funny, that's sad - like this --> :(

[Burgold]

I'll try to do better. It was just a moment that struck me and I thought it was funny... sad/pathetic/funny in the moment.

[SKINS@THEGOALLINE]

I saw on the news this morning that a Florida man called 911 screaming for help while being arrested for speeding and not providing officers with his license, registration and proof of insurance. Genius! :)

http://www.abcactionnews.com/news/local/story/Man-calls-911-while-being-arrested/sWkPjAVfGEu87_eOC54YDQ.cspx?rss=794

[BigMike619]

this morning I made myself laugh...

There is a really shy kid who sits close to my desk at work and his last name is Guterman. So we decided that from now on his nickname is Gut-er-dun...I dont know why but we couldnt stop laughing. We are bringing this kid out of his shy shell slowly and he is becoming a perfectly trained monster..

[Bang]

I can't say because I hate ruining jokes. You can see it on Friday, provided it is finished by then.

~Bang

[Burgold]

What a tease ;)

or was that a teaser :)

[MattFancy]

i was listening to elliot in the morning on my way to work and he is doing a bong exchange tomorrow on the corner of michael phelps' street in fells point lol

[ixcuincle]

Probably something that happened on Opie and Anthony. Wasn't really paying attention the first two hours but the third hour some irate callers dialed the show and started arguing with Anthony which is always hilarious. They also had that puppet guy Otto and George on , he's hilarious

[GibbsFactor]

I watched the new Scrubs, I love that show.

[BigMike619]

I watched the new Scrubs, I love that show.

hell yes!!

"Me and Perry are like brothers now"...

Personally though I need more Turk Turkleton!!

[Titaw]

Something that happened to my friend on Monday:


He left his apartment at around 1:30pm to got to Ikea and hang out with his fiance'. Well, the get back to their apartment in Columbia at around 7:30pm to pick up some paperwork. He goes to his apartment and there is a note from UPS on his door. He thinks great we got a package but we have to wait until tomorrow to get it. He goes into his apartment to retrieve the paperwork and all of the lights are off. He see's an outline of something that could be a large package. He thinks,"We'll the driver must have called maintenance to open the door so he could put this large package inside." He turns on the light and it's not a package....................... it's a handicapped guy in a wheelchair!

Apparently, what happened is that the center that this guy goes to everyday recently changed bus drivers. The new bus driver dropped the severely handicapped guy off at the wrong apartment and maintenace opened the door for the driver because the guy's key wouldn't work! The bus drops the guy off at around 3:30pm everyday so this guy was sitting in a stange, dark apartment for nearly 4 hours.

I found it funny and sad at the same time, but had to share it.

[RammsteinSkins]

This morning on PBS,a woman would tell kids what does a fish do? And the kids would pretend to move their body like a fish and a ginger kid kept shaking his entire body when they did it and I couldn't stop laughing.

He kept doing this over and over and I probably shouldn't be laughing at that but it was hilarious.

[MattFancy]

Something that happened to my friend on Monday:


He left his apartment at around 1:30pm to got to Ikea and hang out with his fiance'. Well, the get back to their apartment in Columbia at around 7:30pm to pick up some paperwork. He goes to his apartment and there is a note from UPS on his door. He thinks great we got a package but we have to wait until tomorrow to get it. He goes into his apartment to retrieve the paperwork and all of the lights are off. He see's an outline of something that could be a large package. He thinks,"We'll the driver must have called maintenance to open the door so he could put this large package inside." He turns on the light and it's not a package....................... it's a handicapped guy in a wheelchair!

Apparently, what happened is that the center that this guy goes to everyday recently changed bus drivers. The new bus driver dropped the severely handicapped guy off at the wrong apartment and maintenace opened the door for the driver because the guy's key wouldn't work! The bus drops the guy off at around 3:30pm everyday so this guy was sitting in a stange, dark apartment for nearly 4 hours.

I found it funny and sad at the same time, but had to share it.


lol wow thats hilarious! what did your friend do? i would've been so confused and freaked out at the same time. this is the best thing so far in this thread!

[renaissance]

This is prolly not hilarious to other people, but it definitely made me laugh this morning....

My nephew was just deployed overseas with his national guard unit. He called my bro from Newfoundland and then Iceland earlier in the week. Then my brother gave us this update today:

"Chris called me last night at 1:00 am. He was not sure where he was. Some country he could not pronounce."

I'm not sure why it's so funny to me. Maybe it's just because it's my nephew and brother. :silly:

[Titaw]

lol wow thats hilarious! what did your friend do? i would've been so confused and freaked out at the same time. this is the best thing so far in this thread!

He basically freaked. Realized that this guy probably lived in the complex and found out that he lived in the adjacent building.

[Zhouse]

I just caught up with Sunday's episode of The Office. That was pretty funny.

[Burgold]

No, it's funny. Reminds me of the old Rock Star...

"Good evening, Cleveland!"

"Pssst... we're in Detroit"

"Good evening, Detroit! No one rocks like Motor City!"

[Smoot Point Really]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x8hMJVXt09E

[sideshow24]

Funniest thing I heard was this disgusting song being sung by Bert from Sesame Street. He's SICK!!

People may smile but
I don't mind
They'll never understand
The kind of fun I find

Doin' the pigeon
Doin' the pigeon
Doin' the pigeon everyday
People may smile, but
I don't mind!
They'll never understand
The kind of fun I find

Doin' the pigeon....

check it out for yourself. He needs help. (or I do ;))
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VDJsgtoizj8

[sacase]

Ok here is something that had me cracking up today-

My GF's is an Architect. She found out that she had to go to Germany from the 10th to the 18th. Well her birthday is the 14th and we had plans to go to dinner with her mom (her mom and I actually have a suprise party planned.) Anyways, she was all depressed about going becuase she wanted to be here for her birthday. So I asked her how much the ticket was to go to Germany. She looked it up and said $500, so I told her I would meet her over there on the 12th so we could celebrate her birthday. So she started to get excited and do this stupid happy dance. Then all of a sudden she stopped and got dead serious..."wait, what language do they speak in Germany?" :doh: I looked at her funny and said "umm....German." She started freaking out "OMG, I can't speak German, what am I going to do? I can't learn German in a week! How am I going to talk to people!" I could not stop laughing. She didn't think it was funny but I had tears coming to my eyes!

[Chump Bailey]

This...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x8hMJVXt09E

[Cooley4President]

I caught my pants pocket on the arm of my chair when i sat down this morning, ripped a hole in the side of my pants. Embarassing, but pretty funny.

[Peeping Wizard]

I saw Nancy Pelosi...

[THEREALTOR1]

Nothing funny has happened to me yet today, but on Monday, I was coming back from this center that I go to everyday, and when I get on the bus, I notice we got a new bus driver.
So when we get to my complex, I tell the guy where I live (keep in mind that I sound alot like Stephen Hawkins when I use my voice synthesizer). Well I guess the dumbass misunderstood me, because next thing I know i'm sitting alone in this strange dark apartment. All of a sudden the door swings open and this dude and his girl come in, flip on the lights, and they just start staring at me with this weird look. I think they thought I might be robbing the place, but eventually we got it all figured out. Man I hate Mondays.

On a side note, I'd wish they quit getting new bus drivers. This is like the eighth time this same thing has happened to me in the last 6 months. What a pain in the ass.

[Midnight Judges]

I saw a piece of lumber.

[Dictator]

I saw an electronic road sign sign (the kind that tell you merge or about construction delays) that said "I heart ponies"

[rd421]

I got the first 3 seasons of "How I Met Your Mother" THAT IS THE FUNNIEST SHOW EVER....I still love The Office but I am positive I have never laughed as hard as I do at How I Met Your Mother....."This night will be legen.....wait for it.....and I hope your not lactose intolerant because the second part is DAIRY!"

[renaissance]

I got the first 3 seasons of "How I Met Your Mother" THAT IS THE FUNNIEST SHOW EVER....I still love The Office but I am positive I have never laughed as hard as I do at How I Met Your Mother....."This night will be legen.....wait for it.....and I hope your not lactose intolerant because the second part is DAIRY!"

LOL, that show is pretty funny. I've only ever watched a few random episodes. I'ma hafta see if Netflix has it!!!

[MattGeorge85]

Friday the 13th part 3 IN 3D!!

Finally this has come out on DVD after close to 25 years!!! There has not been a home 3-D version out until now.

From the credits jumping out of the screen and the Jason disco music, this movie is mad funny.

Example: Girl gets shot in the face with a harpoon gun, with the harpoon coming towards the screen. And Jason crushes a guys head until the eyeball pops towards the screen.

This is either an all or nothing movie. People will think it's great or will miss it. My description wasn't funny but those that didn't know that this came out might be interested. It is most entertaining in 3-D.

[Vicious]

http://balevsoreilly.ytmnd.com/

[rd421]

LOL, that show is pretty funny. I've only ever watched a few random episodes. I'ma hafta see if Netflix has it!!!

That is what I had done but then like 2 weeks ago Best Buy had a sale I got the DVD's for 19.99 each...AWESOME!!!!

[twa]

I found this hilarious, hope it ain't out of line.


To give the proposed economic stimulus plan some perspective, "if you started the day Jesus Christ was born and spent $1 million every day since then, you still wouldn’t have spent $1 trillion."

Both times they said the claim checked out, the second time with a famous mathmetician (although I think they just needed a calculator).

[spjunkies]

Listening to grumpy ass Mike Francesa treat his callers like crap always gives me a good chuckle.

[renaissance]

Walking to the metro tonight I passed a Safeway grocery delivery truck. It was prolly like 30 degrees out and the dude had his windows up and his radio on full blast. I would say he was bumpin, but the truck had absolutely zero bass so it was just really goofy looking and sounding, haha

http://san-francisco-california.us/assets/images/Safeway_truck.jpg

[BlueinBuf]

In a meeting today our secretary had printed out some handouts on pink paper, the head of engineering sits down and asks why is the paper pink? The secretary says "it's going to be pink for February, why you have a problem with pink?" He says "I don't like pink." She says "real mean don't have a problem with pink." He says "are you questioning my manhood?" We all do the fake laugh thing.

So now another engineer walks in and the secretary asks him if he has a problem with pink paper. He immediately says "real men don't have a problem with pink." Everyone bursts into laughter, it was a good time.

[Sm00tSmack]

http://advantagetel.com/shabbas.jpg

The Big Lebowski

[Rdskn4Lyf21]

They are showing a little dog running around on the runways at Miami International...it looks funny :)

[sideshow24]

Something that happened to my friend on Monday:


He left his apartment at around 1:30pm to got to Ikea and hang out with his fiance'. Well, the get back to their apartment in Columbia at around 7:30pm to pick up some paperwork. He goes to his apartment and there is a note from UPS on his door. He thinks great we got a package but we have to wait until tomorrow to get it. He goes into his apartment to retrieve the paperwork and all of the lights are off. He see's an outline of something that could be a large package. He thinks,"We'll the driver must have called maintenance to open the door so he could put this large package inside." He turns on the light and it's not a package....................... it's a handicapped guy in a wheelchair!

Apparently, what happened is that the center that this guy goes to everyday recently changed bus drivers. The new bus driver dropped the severely handicapped guy off at the wrong apartment and maintenace opened the door for the driver because the guy's key wouldn't work! The bus drops the guy off at around 3:30pm everyday so this guy was sitting in a stange, dark apartment for nearly 4 hours.

I found it funny and sad at the same time, but had to share it.


Nothing funny has happened to me yet today, but on Monday, I was coming back from this center that I go to everyday, and when I get on the bus, I notice we got a new bus driver.
So when we get to my complex, I tell the guy where I live (keep in mind that I sound alot like Stephen Hawkins when I use my voice synthesizer). Well I guess the dumbass misunderstood me, because next thing I know i'm sitting alone in this strange dark apartment. All of a sudden the door swings open and this dude and his girl come in, flip on the lights, and they just start staring at me with this weird look. I think they thought I might be robbing the place, but eventually we got it all figured out. Man I hate Mondays.

On a side note, I'd wish they quit getting new bus drivers. This is like the eighth time this same thing has happened to me in the last 6 months. What a pain in the ass.

:paranoid:

[Mickalino]

A friend of mine is working at the Fair in Tampa.
It's full of rides, like the Ferris Wheel, etc.
He said the place was packed with Senior Citizens, riding around in their little Elderly Scooters. He said his first thought was, "Damn, did the Bumper Cars come loose and fall off ? "

I laughed so hard.

[big z]

starwars dance contest...goto 3:10...vader thrusts for the win! :cheers:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UkTQwP2gFxU

[Reic]

my every day life is funny as ****, too bad ya'll can't live it :p

[VASkins540]

http://www.break.com/index/kitten-attempts-epic-jump.html