The Hollywood Ending to the Redskins' turmoil

[Lombardi's_kid_brother]

Right now, in the movie, the team has a huge fight in practice. That is when the grizzled veteran (played here by London Fletcher) gives an impassioned speech about togetherness and teamwork and how football is the most important thing in the world because it is pure and and good and decent.

I have a lot more confidence if Michael Clarke Duncan was somehow involved in this.

Now, the offensive line situation is almost a sports movie cliche right now. Granted, it would be a lot better if we had a former sumo wrestler or obese Samoan playing the offensive line for the first time ever. But there is now doubt that the ancient, chain-smoking o-line coach would turn this unit into a shocking group of killers. Joe Bugel fits the mold perfectly here. John Mahoney would almost certainly play him in the movie.

One of the young receivers - played by Flo-Rida - would make a huge game-changing catch against the chiefs would suddenly "get it." And Donald Faison as Jason Campbell would suddenly "get it."

And now for the clincher of the us against the world turning point. The team rallies behind embattled coach Jim Zorn (I dunno...Stephon Root maybe) by turning on tiny evil owner Daniel Snyder (Zeljko Ivanek).

I see this all leading to a cardboard cut-out of Danny in the locker room where ten pieces of his suit are removed after each victory leading him to wearing boxer shorts with little hearts on them or something.

This is going to all right, folks. Trust me.

[stebog]

Heh nice post.

Cerrato - "Hey Shannahan, how'd you like to coach the Washington Redskins?"
Mike S - "Oh I don't know, hey lemme call you back, I got a guy on the other line that wants to buy some whitewalls."

[Brandon Lloyd Christmas]

Heh nice post.

Cerrato - "Hey Shannahan, how'd you like to coach the Washington Redskins?"
Mike S - "Oh I don't know, hey lemme call you back, I got a guy on the other line that wants to buy some whitewalls."


of course everyone else would just say "they're still ******"

[ST is my boy]

I see this all leading to a cardboard cut-out of Danny in the locker room where ten pieces of his suit are removed after each victory leading him to wearing boxer shorts with little hearts on them or something.

LOL!!!!!!!!!! That might just be the best thing ive read on this site.

[Botched]

Haha nice post LKB.


.

I have a lot more confidence if Michael Clarke Duncan was somehow involved in this.



He would make a perfect Chris Samuels.

I imagine Cooley would provide the comic relief right? Who would play him?

[Dan T.]

You forgot the montage, just after the impassioned speech by the grizzled vet, of the o-line practicing in the dark, bonding over pizza, pumping iron together, and gently needling the new guy, culminating in the Friday practice where they blow the 1st string D-line off the ball, to the D-linemen's wide-eyed surprise and the knowing smile of the o-line coach. I'll let you pick the inspirational music for the montage soundtrack. One tip: Eye of the Tiger is played out.

[Brandon Lloyd Christmas]

the real question is, who is gonna sleep with whose wife?

maybe thats why sellers has been tanking blocks?

[Lombardi's_kid_brother]

You forgot the montage, just after the impassioned speech by the grizzled vet, of the o-line practicing in the dark, bonding over pizza, pumping iron together, and gently needling the new guy, culminating in the Friday practice where they blow the 1st string D-line off the ball, to the D-linemen's wide-eyed surprise and the knowing smile of the o-line coach. I'll let you pick the inspirational music for the montage soundtrack. One tip: Eye of the Tiger is played out.

Maybe they the 5 PM drinking club that the Hogs had. (I'm assuming an early scene where Joe Jacoby (Noah Emmrich) tells them some stories of the glory days.

The Final Countdown by Europe has never been well-used in a movie for some reason.

[Rufus T Firefly]

Scene 1- Zorn recruits a hot chick to be the placekicker.

Scene 2- Players in the huddle discuss sacrificing a live chicken to take the hex off Carlos Rogers' hands.

Scene 3- Players all march into Snyder's office and lay down their jerseys, threatening not to play if Zorn isn't kept.

Scene 4- Zorn gives a rousing speech about how anyone can win on any given Tuesday (someone corrects him), how he's sick of hearing how great a hockey team the Cowboys have (someone corrects him again), how there's no crying in football, and how they should win one for Tipper Gore.

Scene 5- Campbell calling the signals "Hi diddle diddle, the cat in the fiddle, this time we gonna go up the middle" (had to do a Marx Brothers reference)

Scene 6- Zorn sacrifices the win to get all his back-ups in the game, including the fat kid, the snot nosed kid and the poindexter.

[zoony]

Sellers: "It says right here in my contract I don't have to do any calisthenics I don't deem necessary"

Zorn: [throws contract on ground] [unzip]



Meh, just doesn't work. The movie would be much better if Zorn is fired and Buges is made coach. Then, it works.

...

[Brandon Lloyd Christmas]

the real ending would be an empire strikes back ending.

luke skywalker plays the role of dan snyder, and we the fanbase as darth vader beat the bejesus out of him with a light saber, fling objects at his head with our thoughts, chop off his hand, tell him were his "daddy", then throw him down an endless shaft.

we'd have to somehow make sure the falcon never picks him up off that bespin antennae though.

[Lombardi's_kid_brother]

Scene 1- Zorn recruits a hot chick to be the placekicker.

Scene 2- Players in the huddle discuss sacrificing a live chicken to take the hex off Carlos Rogers' hands.

Scene 3- Players all march into Snyder's office and lay down their jerseys, threatening not to play if Zorn isn't kept.

Scene 4- Zorn gives a rousing speech about how anyone can win on any given Tuesday (someone corrects him), how he's sick of hearing how great a hockey team the Cowboys have (someone corrects him again), how there's no crying in football, and how they should win one for Tipper Gore.

Scene 5- Campbell calling the signals "Hi diddle diddle, the cat in the fiddle, this time we gonna go up the middle" (had to do a Marx Brothers reference)

Scene 6- Zorn sacrifices the win to get all his back-ups in the game, including the fat kid, the snot nosed kid and the poindexter.

Om sneaks onto the field at the end and is left all alone for the game-winning catch. Then the entire opposing team falls on top of him and he ends up in the hospital where Kerri Green and Charlie Sheen lead a vigil.

And then he ends up high and unemployed and living in Corey Feldman's house.

(Humpty Dupmpy sat on the wall, this time we give Professor Wagstaff the ball).

[zoony]

[Landry rolls up in Lamborghini]

Buges: "I thought you said you didn't have any high-priced talent?"

Blache: "Forget Landry because he's just high-priced"


[Marko Mitchell pulls up in his volkswagen beetle with rolls royce front end]

Mitchell: 'scuse me, can you tell me where the practice field is? I plan to put on a catching display

Bugel: "the parking lot is over there"

[Portis walks by in drag]

Bugel: "Who is this ****ing guy?"

....

[Brandon Lloyd Christmas]

what are the odds that dans next movie is Black Hammer/White Lightening starring vinny and portis?

[Lombardi's_kid_brother]

[Landry rolls up in Lamborghini]

Buges: "I thought you said you didn't have any high-priced talent?"

Blache: "Forget Landry because he's just high-priced"


[Marko Mitchell pulls up in his volkswagen beetle with rolls royce front end]

Mitchell: 'scuse me, can you tell me where the practice field is? I plan to put on a catching display

Bugel: "the parking lot is over there"

[Portis walks by in drag]

Bugel: "Who is this ****ing guy?"

....

Would Philip Daniels be the "I wish we had him three years ago...We did...I wish we had him five years ago" guy?

[Aston]

Big Albert would definitely be the Pedro Cerrano. But instead of a sacrificing a live chicken, we would need to kill an entire cow. I mean, dude's gotta eat, ya know?

And I can totally see Jason Campbell rocking the Wild Thing glasses and of a sudden noticing that he has wide open receivers all over the field. He could probably pull of the hedge head too.

[Lombardi's_kid_brother]

what are the odds that dans next movie is Black Hammer/White Lightening starring vinny and portis?

This thread has gotten very Major League specific.

Buzzbee is the guy from Georgetown, right? Maybe he needs the girlfriend who highlights all the "****" parts of the books he reads?

[Brandon Lloyd Christmas]

This thread has gotten very Major League specific.

Buzzbee is the guy from Georgetown, right? Maybe he needs the girlfriend who highlights all the "****" parts of the books he reads?


major league II thank you very much.

i tried to take it the star wars route, but ooohhh no.

[Lombardi's_kid_brother]

i tried to take it the star wars route, but ooohhh no.

Well, yea, that was a bit of a reach.

Maybe we could have John Riggins beat up Dan Snyder in a fight to the death, win, and right before dying hand the keys of Redskins One to ES poster "SnyderMustGo."

Then right before we fade to black, Riggo looks at the camera and says, "Earn this."

[Dan T.]

[Marko Mitchell pulls up in his volkswagen beetle with rolls royce front end]

Mitchell: 'scuse me, can you tell me where the practice field is? I plan to put on a catching display

Bugel: "the parking lot is over there"

[Portis walks by in drag]

Bugel: "Who is this ****ing guy?"

....


:rotflmao:

[SolidSnake84]

it goes the way of any given sunday:

the team somehow bonds after a tough loss and then rally to make it into the playoffs....

They go on a cinderella run but ultimatley lose in the championship game, but they feel like winners because they rallied together to go on an improbable run.....

[Aston]

[London Fletcher arrives at DeAngelo Hall's house after the Carolina game]
Hall: Hey, London, old boy, what brings you out here? You got uh, financial problems? You know I just got that fat contract right? I could get you with a great investment guy.

Fletcher: Oh no, thanks. I don't know if I have much of a portfolio right now. I did have something I wanted to talk to you about though, if ya got time.

Hall: Oh yeah? What's that?

Fletcher: Well, I wanted to talk to you about that missed tackle against Delhomme in the 4th.

Hall: He's bigger than me. What'd you want me to do, dive at his legs?

Fletcher: [Turns off the 72" HD TV] It cost us the game, D.

Hall: Oh please. You're going after this like a freaking free agent, and I'm not about to sacrifice my body, or this house, to make numb nutz any richer.

Fletcher: [As Mrs. Hall walks in with Booty Sweat on a tray] God damn it, Hall! I haven't missed a single ******* game in my entire career, or a tackle!!! This is my last shot at a winner, and for the rookies, this may be their only shot!! I don't what the hell happened to you, but the next time I catch you miss a game-winning tackle .... I'm gonna cut your nuts off, and shove em down your ******* throat!!!!

Mrs Hall: Booty Sweat, anyone?

[Mongo2365]

Donald Faison as JC is just too funny. Alfonso Ribeiro would be a perfect CP.

[Go_Jibbs!]

Keep it up guys this thread is great!!!! But please for the love of God, try to involve BOB UECKER somehow...

[Lombardi's_kid_brother]

Keep it up guys this thread is great!!!! But please for the love of God, try to involve BOB UECKER somehow...

Well, there's a pretty good chance that Sam Huff will say "I think I'll wet my pants" at some point this season in reality. So, we got that covered.

[NoleSkin21]

Chris Cooley could be played by Seth Rogan, Albert Haynesworth played by former WWE star, turned actor Nelson Frazier Jr. (AKA Mabel, Viscera, Big Daddy V), Owen Wilson plays the part of Shaun Suisham.

[zoony]

Would Philip Daniels be the "I wish we had him three years ago...We did...I wish we had him five years ago" guy?

:hysterical: Or maybe Randy Thomas



Keep it up guys this thread is great!!!! But please for the love of God, try to involve BOB UECKER somehow...


Euker: "Campbell's pass... JUUSSST a bit outside"

"3rd down"

"4th down"

"7th down"

"8th down"


"one GD first down? That's all we got?"

"You can't say GD on the air"

"eh nobody's listening anyway"

[Lombardi's_kid_brother]

:hysterical: Or maybe Randy Thomas





Euker: "Campbell's pass... JUUSSST a bit outside"

"3rd down"

"4th down"

"7th down"

"8th down"


"one GD first down? That's all we got?"

"You can't say GD on the air"

"eh nobody's listening anyway"

I'm telling you, Sam Huff is doing this **** right now.

I've been hard on Sam for the last few years, but now...I want him to announce forever.

Everyone's linked the McKenna article on Sam bitching about Haynesworth being "tired." But I heard it - during a Home Depot run, because I suck.

It was right out of a movie!

Sam: He's tired. He needs a rest!
Larry (panicking): He's not moving
Sam (non-chalant): Just tired.

[machuff]

I can see it now...Campbell looking into a mirror with those big ugly glasses on.

Todd Collins walks over
TC: They look nice. I used to have a pair just like 'em.

JC: (rolls his eyes) Well, after the game I want to pick out a pair that's more 'me'.

Buges: They look fine. Besides, seein's the important thing.

Portis: (walking past) I don't think it's that important.

JC:(looking in mirror)****!

[pjfootballer]

OMFG you guys are killing me. This is my favorite thread of all time. Keep it going.

[Rhodus333]

Bring in Colt "Footsteps" Brennan.

He's been dying for the opportunity to prove he's better than that horrendous "Sugar Bowl/ Georgia Game" (didn't anyone have anything better to do that day?)

Devin Thomas could make a good Clifford Franklin. Speed but can't catch anything.

"Use the stickem coach? You know that don't look natural. . ."

[Sweet Sassy Molassy]

You forgot the montage, just after the impassioned speech by the grizzled vet, of the o-line practicing in the dark, bonding over pizza, pumping iron together, and gently needling the new guy, culminating in the Friday practice where they blow the 1st string D-line off the ball, to the D-linemen's wide-eyed surprise and the knowing smile of the o-line coach. I'll let you pick the inspirational music for the montage soundtrack. One tip: Eye of the Tiger is played out.
I think this would be the perfect montage song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9fWvub_WBho

Also someone mentioned Cooley and who would play him for comic relief. I think it would have to be Seth Rogen. Edit: I see NoleSkin21 was on the same page as me.
http://www.arktimes.com/blogs/littlerocking/Image/seth-rogen.jpg http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1356/1001288327_811a142dd3.jpg

[GSF]

Thanks for the great post LBK! That really cracked me up.

[21MadFan]

[London Fletcher arrives at DeAngelo Hall's house after the Carolina game]
Hall: Hey, London, old boy, what brings you out here? You got uh, financial problems? You know I just got that fat contract right? I could get you with a great investment guy.

Fletcher: Oh no, thanks. I don't know if I have much of a portfolio right now. I did have something I wanted to talk to you about though, if ya got time.

Hall: Oh yeah? What's that?

Fletcher: Well, I wanted to talk to you about that missed tackle against Delhomme in the 4th.

Hall: He's bigger than me. What'd you want me to do, dive at his legs?

Fletcher: [Turns off the 72" HD TV] It cost us the game, D.

Hall: Oh please. You're going after this like a freaking free agent, and I'm not about to sacrifice my body, or this house, to make numb nutz any richer.

Fletcher: [As Mrs. Hall walks in with Booty Sweat on a tray] God damn it, Hall! I haven't missed a single ******* game in my entire career, or a tackle!!! This is my last shot at a winner, and for the rookies, this may be their only shot!! I don't what the hell happened to you, but the next time I catch you miss a game-winning tackle .... I'm gonna cut your nuts off, and shove em down your ******* throat!!!!

Mrs Hall: Booty Sweat, anyone?


This is the greatest thing I have ever read. Bar none. It was so hard to contain my laughter over the phone meeting I am on. :hysterical:

[WinSkins]

:wavetowelterrific post :cheers:

[prufRock]

As long as there's a dramatic slow-clap locker room scene, everything will be fine.

[WinSkins]

As long as there's a dramatic slow-clap locker room scene, everything will be fine.

true :jump:

[RichmondRedskin88]

Moss walks over to Marko

Moss- Whats your story man?

Marko- Just trying to make a name on this team

Randle El walks over

El- Aren't we all man?

Marko- Well you've already made a name for yourself

Moss- The only play he's known was for throwing the ball not catching.

El- At least my plays don't cost us 15 yards after the play

Marko slides away quietly to the practice field before getting hit in the face by a ball overthrown by Campbell by 15 yards meant for Cooley.

Zorn gives his coaches a thumbs up and says, "He's improving."

[rwleshin]

Since no one brought this one up

Show a scene of DHall missing a tackle in practice

Buges: Don't give me that Ole bulls**t. Everytime I see you try an arm tackle you owe me 30 situps.

Then we can get Buges to take a whizz on DHalls contract.

And I guess the movie err season has to end with Fletch pointing and woofing at the QB then faking a blitz, dropping into coverage, getting a pick, pitching to Smoot so he can return it for a TD to make the playoffs.

[killerbee99]

You guys most be really bored ....,lol!!!

[rwleshin]

and I guess at some point DHall needs to buy the team, trade Haynesworth for a Sumo Wrestler and then sell the team back to Danny?

[styx491]

Chris Cooley = Seth Rogen
Shawn Suisham = Owen Wilson
Clinton Portis = CARLTON BANKS

:applause::applause:

Great ideas guys!

Also Aston's post HAS to make it in. :hysterical:

Tom Cruise as Dan Snyder anyone?

[Aston]

Bob Uecker as Larry Michael: I want welcome all the fans here to "Die Hard Night". Free admission to anyone who was actually alive the last time the Redskins won the NFC East!

[rwleshin]

Bob Uecker as Larry Michael: I want welcome all the fans here to "Die Hard Night". Free admission to anyone who was actually alive the last time the Redskins won the NFC East!

aww come on, you would only have to be like 10

:hysterical:

Also the ending of this would be that The Washington Redskins will be playing in the UFL
:doh:

:munchout:

[zoony]

Samuel L Jackson as Jason Campbell:

Zorn: "allright Jason, 3rd and goal. Let's go with X-right 34 cross"

Campbell: "What? X-right 34 cross ain't no playcall I ever heard of!"

Zorn: "X-right 34 cross"

Campbell: "Say X-right 34 cross again, I dare you. I double dog dare you"

Zorn: "uhh..."

.....

[Reign]

Portis walks in wearing a goofy hat and yells out to the locker room
"Hey Skins, we're going to lose to the lions!"

Everyone in the locker room laughs at Portis' funny joke...


The fans didn't... *wipes away a tear*

[The Rook]

For us old timers.

Real time action: Jason Campbell is sacked.

(Fade to flashback of Doug Williams being sacked in SB)

Jason is carted off the field and Todd Collins goes in, only to be sacked.

Shot of sideline: Jason on cart. Ghost of Sammy Baugh standing next to Mr. Jordan (James Mason look-a-like)

Dialogue:
Sammy: I didn't want to save the franchise like this.
Mr. Jordan: It is your destiny. It has always been your destiny.
Sammy enters Jason's body.

Shot to Jason on cart: Eyes come open, rises from the cart, races on the field.

You know the rest










Props to "Heaven Can Wait"
:helmet: The Rook

[DieselPwr44]

Danny: Lemme have 2 running backs,a tight end and a quarterback and make it fast..I'm in a god damned hurry.

Hollers outside: YOU WANT SOMTHIN??!!!

Vinny: How bout some wide receivers Daddy??

Danny: WE AIN"T GOT TIME FOR THAT CRAP!!! dumb sum *****........




http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PDcBG1x9X7Q&feature=related

[drowland]

Coach Zorn: "There are three rules that I live by: never get less than twelve hours sleep; never play cards with a guy who has the same first name as a city; and never get involved with a woman with a tattoo of a dagger on her body. Now you stick to that, and everything else is cream cheese."