How do you deal with tragedy?

[skinfan13]

So much tragedy around me lately. First, Sgt. Griffin (a member of my great grand-dykes class, VMI 2003) was KIA in Afghanistan about a week ago. Then my Brother Rat, Jordan Iida, suffered a stroke and is still in the hospital, then the Ft. Hood and Orlando shootings, and now a rat, John Evans, just passed away this morning here at VMI.

so tragic... I don't know, I've been feeling really down today with all this death and destruction happening this week.

how do you all deal with tragedy, whether it be personal or just in general?

[RammsteinSkins]

Music. Works everytime.

[Toe Jam]

In the past I ignored it.

I didn't shed a tear at my Grandma's funeral. And I loved that woman. I kept it all locked in.

Over the years it all started to tear me up. I've realized the best way to deal with it is to share your feelings with someone you trust and care about.

Nowadays I have a private cry and then write and talk about it. That's the best therapy IMO. Writing is an amazing healer.

[twa]

Brood and tear **** up...Cheer up my friend,it can always be worse and will

[ixcuincle]

Music
Sports

[DeanCollins]

I'm grateful that it wasn't me. ;)

Seriously, spirituality works for me. Some day it'll be my turn

[skinfan13]

it's not really that I'm weeping inside or out, its just really dragging me down... I feel extremely unmotivated and just flat out depressed.

[Who Del]

Time heals all wounds.

[twa]

Time heals all wounds.

Nope,fraid not

[fire5man80]

The easiest thing to do is to realize you have to move on. In several instances I couldnt do that. And by not being able to just accept it and move on I just lengthened the mourning process even more and made it harder on myself. Believe me, Im not saying this without feeling compassion, but I have learned that the best thing is to move on.

Ive seen a lot of death in my life. A younger brother, several friends, and all my granparents. Ive witnessed deaths a countless number of times in some of the most tragic and horriffic ways. Every time its effected me differently and I can say that the more and more Ive experienced it, the easier it has gotten for me to basically just move on.

My brother died when I was 16. My family expected the death but it did not make it easier. I didnt want to accept it and I let it eat me up for a long time. The worst was when a friend of mine, who was like a brother to me, was killed by a drunk driver. I was on the fire truck that responded to the accident. It was the same fire truck the two of us were on together just 8 hours before. He was still alive when we got there and I was able to talk to him all the way till we loaded him on the helicopter. I dealt with this one horribly and it actually took medication for me to get my **** together. I lived and learned though and know I will never handle adversity like that again. I pushed people away, I had nightmares and I didnt want to let go. I would visit the accident scene over and over for months after the accident. I lost friendships over it and I believe that the way I handled it, not the accident itself, has changed me for life. I wish I would of accepted it a lot sooner and, not to sound heartless, just moved on.

Since my friends death, Ive lost the 2 grandparents who I was closest to since a kid. In both situations, even as hard as it was, I didnt cry. I didnt sit in misery and feel sorry for myself. It sucked bad, it really did. But I just moved on. I didnt drink or direct my anger like I had in the past. I just accepted it as a part of life, doing this made it so much easier.

Thats how Ive learned to deal with tragedy that is directly related to me. I learned its just easier to move on. Try to enjoy the time you had with them and realize that they wouldnt want you to be in agony over their death. Every time the situation is different, but the outcome can be the same if you dont let it eat you up. If you let it eat you up then you do yourself a disservice in the healing process.

Tragedy that Ive witnessed while being on the job is really different to tragedy that Ive actually experienced. It sucks to do CPR on babies, see people with their faces literally ripped off, a family grieving the very recent death of a loved on and other things that are unimaginable. But even though I feel sorry for these people and their families I dont let it eat me up. Those things you have no control over and while it sucks for everybody involved you really just have to move on.

Im not a counselor and dont pretend to be. So please just take my advice as friend here on ESkins and not as somebody pretending to be a professional soul healer. If its eating you up though and you cant seem to get control of it, you need to get help fast, whether spiritually or though medicine. Dont allow the grief to continue to the point it starts to affect your daily routine. Only you will know the method though that will make this easiest. Whether its a new hobby, music, friends or whatever find something that lets you move on. Dont dwell on the loss.

I know this was a pretty long response. But I hope it helps you out man. Death is hard and nobody deals with it the same. But hopefully you can take my experiences and realize that the way NOT to handle it is by feeling sorry for yourself, dwelling on the past and not accepting death as a part of life. Good luck to you man, sometimes talking annonymously to people is the best way to go. If so man, Im all ears, well in this case eyes.

[Who Del]

Nope,fraid not

Okay it should read..

Time makes all wounds seem less painful in the long run but you can never fully get over the loss or tragedy of someone close but you should always keep them close in your heart and remember the good times as you look back and reflect upon the time you spent with them?

[mardi gras skin]

There have been a few times trauma hit so hard that it felt like the world changed and I wasn't living in the real world anymore. When that happens, I just shut down. If I can get away from responsibilities long enough, I can shut down and catch back up to what's really going on. The process almost always includes forgiveness, even when it doesn't seem like I need to forgive anyone. I start to imagine how life will change and envision how I'll respond to the new reality. I visualize myself living again, I guess.

Eh, Its kind of hard to explain. In practice, its not as clean as I'm making it sound.

[skinfan13]

[edited down in the interest of not quoting large blocks of text]

I know this was a pretty long response. But I hope it helps you out man. Death is hard and nobody deals with it the same. But hopefully you can take my experiences and realize that the way NOT to handle it is by feeling sorry for yourself, dwelling on the past and not accepting death as a part of life. Good luck to you man, sometimes talking annonymously to people is the best way to go. If so man, Im all ears, well in this case eyes.

thanks man, I appreciate it. like I said earlier, its not really that I'm weeping or in agony, I'm just really depressed that so much horrible stuff has happened this week, nationally and in my school community/life.

[fire5man80]

thanks man, I appreciate it. like I said earlier, its not really that I'm weeping or in agony, I'm just really depressed that so much horrible stuff has happened this week, nationally and in my school community/life.
Yeah that depression can be a mother****er though. I let it consume me, hopefully you find a way to not let it consume you bro. Youre welcome dude, find a way to get rid of that depression though and do it fast. Youll be suprised how fast it takes you over if you let it.


Also, dont let these Redskins be your method of dealing with it, cause it will just make the depression worse. lol

[SpringfieldSkins]

I feel like I don't deal with tragedy very well. Let me say that first.



I ignore it.

I try to put it out of my mind as much as I can. I try to not think about it until someone brings it up to me. If someone brings it up to me, I am very dismissive and confrontational. Sometimes I get angry at people who bring up tragedies to me because I don't want to deal with it. This has brought upon me many arguments and hurt feelings.


Plain and simple, I choose not to deal with it. I get emotional at the very beginning and try to put it out of my head. I try anything I can to make myself forget about it. Absolutely, this sometimes comes to the detriment of my friends and family. No doubt about it.



That is how I deal with tragedy.

[Spaceman Spiff]

Gotta do something that takes a lot of time and concentration and effort. For me, it's photography. I focus really well, I forget about everything that's going on. Especially shooting something like a sport or a live music show.

Same with playing basketball or a video game. Get really wrapped up in it. It's a good escape.

[Sticksboi05]

Time heals all wounds.

That's false. I am lucky to have made it this far and to have not lost anyone close to me except my grandparents.

Hell, I still get sad to this day when I do something and get reminded that I used to do it with out family dog of 12 years. It was devastating when I returned from a trip and found out she died and this is my dog, so I feel for anyone who has lost a close person to them.

[DeanCollins]

it's not really that I'm weeping inside or out, its just really dragging me down... I feel extremely unmotivated and just flat out depressed.

turn off the tv news and all. that **** is not good for anyone

[Burgold]

There are a bunch of things that I have tried and all work to a degree.

The best one for me was to share their stories. To celebrate their life and make sure that they are remembered and live on. Another thing I did was to double my efforts in volunteering and helping others. Seeing good in the world softens the sting of death. Music, didn't work for me, but singing and painting wasn't bad.

For me, there were two things I needed to do. I need to be miserable because what you are feeling is real and it's okay to be messed up and I needed to be active because you have to get yourself out of that place. You can't live in the hospital or the morgue. You have to reengage with life. Now, that may mean volunteering or going to hospitals to cheer up your brothers that are hurting, give them comfort, company or it may mean something really different.

It's a very positive sign that you are reaching out.

God bless you, comfort those you loss, and help to give you strength as you heal.

[Kosher Ham]

I go into my own bubble and reflect about everything in my own life that I am so thankful for. Then I celebrate and honor my lost loved ones by reminicing about how important and valuable a part of my life that they were. After that it makes it easier for me to talk about and share with other loved ones.

[twa]

Okay it should read..

Time makes all wounds seem less painful in the long run but you can never fully get over the loss or tragedy of someone close but you should always keep them close in your heart and remember the good times as you look back and reflect upon the time you spent with them?

Better,and a good suggestion :)

you deal with it and life goes on
Some are like a broken bone that nags ya at times
some are superficial and fade away.leaving little behind
others are crippling and must be dealt with anew everyday,much like with a amputation you adapt to as best ya can
others are a festering mess that you want to pick at and make worse :evilg:

things change and life goes on...till it doesn't.
You can wallow in the pain and loss or embrace the joys of life...or meet in the middle

my best to ya skinfan13...life ain't easy,but it is what ya make of it.

[Spec138]

I know I'm definitely not the oldest or wisest among all the posters here at ES, however, I think I deal ok with tragedy.

First you need to realize you can't change what happened, and this can be harder than you think. You can't expect things to go back to how they were or a friend or loved one to appear once they have left.

Don't be afraid to let your emotions out, it's only natural. IMO you can't get past tragedy without first mourning in whichever way you feel appropriate, don't hold things in simply because you think you shouldn't cry/be angry/whatever.

Finally, look back on the experience and try to learn from it. Realize what a great gift life is and try to make yourself a better person. By doing this you help yourself, you help others, and you honor the memory of who/whatever your are grieving.

Hope this helps man.