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View Full Version : You don't own me, masturbation! I'm taking my life back!



Destino
May-20th-2004, 09:46 AM
Story location: http://www.wired.com/news/culture/0,1284,63502,00.html

02:00 AM May. 20, 2004 PT

"Rick," a 20-year-old Krispy Kreme employee from Washington, says he has a serious problem: He masturbates.

He recently befriended several other Christian men who share his belief that masturbation is sinful, and together they've pledged not to "defile themselves" for 40 days -- the same amount of time the Bible says Satan tempted Jesus in the desert. They encourage each other to remain steadfast by e-mail and instant messages.

"I'm only a few days into it, but I'm really seeing how used to it that my body really is, and how I am addicted to it," Rick writes in a blog chronicling his quest. "As difficult as it is, I'm contending not only for myself, but the men that are on this fast with me, to be strong, and beat this addiction. Let's do it guys! We can be holy."

The men were inspired by XXXchurch, whose mission is to help people overcome the twin temptations of pornography and onanism and bring them to God.

Started by two young pastors from the porn capital of the world -- Southern California -- the ministry is aggressively fighting carnal sin on the porn medium of choice, the Internet. It's an uphill battle. There are millions of XXX sites, but only one XXXchurch.


Video

Watch the latest commercial from XXXchurch.
"(We) saw the church really doing nothing about the issue of porn, so we decided to step up and do something," said Craig Gross, 28, who started the XXXchurch with Mike Foster, 32, in 2002. "We wanted to do it outside the context of a normal church so we could attract both secular and church people."

The site -- which advertises itself as the No. 1 Christian porn site -- features downloadable bible studies, a virtual prayer wall and free software that records sites visited by Internet users and sends the log to a third party. There is also plenty of practical advice. Here's what the pastors recommend instead of self-gratification:

"Remain calm and tell yourself, 'You don't own me, masturbation! I'm taking my life back!' (or something of that nature). If that doesn't work, you can pursue alternatives like chewing gum, blasting John Lennon's song 'Cold Turkey,' eating chocolate or whatever helps you best (not masturbation)."

The ministry is based on Matthew 5:27-30, which condemns lust and recommends amputating body parts that cause a believer to sin, "for it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body go into hell."

Much of the XXXchurch's traffic is generated by the pastors' savvy marketing strategies.

First there was the Save the Kittens campaign, which featured a video and e-mail featuring a photograph of a kitten being chased by two snarling red monsters and the phrase, "Every time you masturbate ... God kills a kitten." Gross said they came up with the euphemism "killing kittens" because people hated saying the word "masturbation." Although the e-mail was widely disseminated, some people were offended by the video, which shows a cat being thrown across a room.

Next there was a television commercial featuring a dwarf and the tag line, "Porn stunts your growth." The ad ran on MTV and on television shows targeting young people, but was pulled after a dwarf-empowerment group called Little People of America found it offensive.

The XXXchurch recently wrapped its second commercial, which has been no less controversial. It was shot by veteran porn director James DiGiorgio, whose filmography includes Nutjob Nurses and The Anal Life. "Jimmy D," as he's known in the porn biz, met the two pastors during their yearly trek to the Adult Video News Adult Entertainment Expo in Las Vegas, where the duo open a booth and hand out Bibles and "Jesus loves porn stars" stickers.

DiGiorgio offered to direct the new commercial -- which features simulated puppet sex and an admonition to keep porn away from children -- for free after hearing about the dwarf debacle. He has not publicly stated his motivations for shooting the anti-porn ad, and did not respond to an interview request.

The pastors have raised the hackles of conservative Christians, who accuse them of fraternizing with pornographers and find their irreverent style unbecoming to ministers.

"The main reason we do not support them is because their method is not biblical, nor are they fruitful as a ministry," wrote Mike Cleveland, the founder of a competing anti-porn group in a letter found in the site's hate mail section. When contacted for an interview, Cleveland refused to elaborate on this criticism.

But others have praised the duo's approach, including Steve Gallagher, the president of Pure Life Ministries, which operates a treatment center for Christian sex addicts in Kentucky. Gallagher said he was skeptical of the ministry when he heard it was called XXXchurch, but changed his mind after the pastors flew out to visit him.

"Their simple message, 'There's something better than porn, and His name is Jesus,' delivered nonjudgmentally with an edge, and a witty sense of humor, is building a bridge into a subculture that will someday be crossed by those who find themselves at the end of their rope, discarded by an industry that they thought was their friend," Gallagher said.

Gross said he could care less what people think of his ministry.

"Jesus was a controversial figure so (we) are fine if people don't like us," he said. "The sad thing is that most of the hate comes from Christians, same as in Jesus' day. The so-called religious people were always pissed at him."

Meanwhile, the pastors are busy with speaking tours and developing an Internet reality show that will document their "adventures in the world of porn," and will feature a real-life porn star and a young man recovering from porn addiction. The name of the show? Missionary Positions.


The line I used for the subject line made me laugh my @ss off when I read it. This article is so bizzare that I had to post it.

TankRizzo
May-20th-2004, 09:54 AM
I don't like hearing about krispy kreme employees and their masturbation problems thank you. Especially considering everything in that freaking place is glazed :paranoid:

Henry
May-20th-2004, 09:55 AM
If you hadn't provided a link I would have guessed that was from The Onion.

webnarc
May-20th-2004, 09:56 AM
I don't like hearing about krispy kreme employees and their masturbation problems thank you. Especially considering everything in that freaking place is glazed :paranoid:

:puke:

And that puts an end to my doughnut addication.

TankRizzo
May-20th-2004, 09:57 AM
Originally posted by webnarc


:puke:

And that puts an end to my doughnut addication.


I prefer Dunkin' Donuts or Mr. Donut anyhow :D

Riggo-toni
May-20th-2004, 10:13 AM
I had a girlfriend once who could do incredible things with a donut! :D

Oh man, how did my life turn out this way....

The X-Factor
May-20th-2004, 10:17 AM
Originally posted by TankRizzo



I prefer Dunkin' Donuts or Mr. Donut anyhow :D

Definately. That's some quality stuff. :)

China
May-20th-2004, 10:21 AM
The ministry is based on Matthew 5:27-30, which condemns lust and recommends amputating body parts that cause a believer to sin, "for it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body go into hell."

I guess that means they are advocating just cutting your dick off?

TankRizzo
May-20th-2004, 10:26 AM
Originally posted by China
I guess that means they are advocating just cutting your dick off?


I can honestly say the world would be a better place if these people did in fact follow that advice :D

Funkyalligator
May-20th-2004, 10:30 AM
Krispy Kream Donuts and masturbation......hmmmmm....that is kind of scary especialy the when the particular store that this employee works in is well known for its special Boston Creams.........

chomerics
May-20th-2004, 10:31 AM
Originally posted by China
The ministry is based on Matthew 5:27-30, which condemns lust and recommends amputating body parts that cause a believer to sin, "for it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body go into hell."

I guess that means they are advocating just cutting your dick off?

Yea, If I lived by that law, I'd have no hand's either.

Ghost of Nibbs McPimpin
May-20th-2004, 10:38 AM
I know it's all funny but I definitely think some cats can get carried away.

Put it this way, there is some SICK stuff on the net, and I don't get what the appeal is, but I guess what happens is it can be like a drug. WIth other drugs, you need more and more and you need to push the edge psychologically to get the same high.

But I still have to ask, what the hell is the appeal of pulling an R Kelly?(not the underage thing, the pissing thing)

Hatas wanna hate, lovas wanna love
I don't wanna do, none of the above
I want to piss on you.

phanatic
May-20th-2004, 10:48 AM
This could be worse, he could have been a Campbells soup packager working in the New England clam chowder division.

BG
May-20th-2004, 10:52 AM
This thread is too much :laugh: :laugh:

Om
May-20th-2004, 11:12 AM
Yet again, life imitates art. (http://www.seinfeldscripts.com/TheContest.htm)

dannyboy70
May-20th-2004, 11:13 AM
As nutty as that article is, it is addressing a real problem. Internet porn is so easy to get and kids have the same access as adults. Hell, the stuff is being emailed to kids every day. Porn is an addiction as is everything else that people dig on. Can anyone here go 40 days without spanking it? I can honestly say that it'd be really difficult for me - I tried giving it up for lent, but failed miserably. Before the internet, no problem. Get rid of the magazines, pitch the videos. But now, with the internet and email, the temptation is always there. And with coach Gibbs coming back to DC, along with Portis and Sean Taylor, and our chances of being a real contender again, the temptation to masterbate is just overwhelming. Every morning I wake up and it hits me: "Joe Gibbs is back" and I start the day with hand on hog...

Symbol
May-20th-2004, 11:49 AM
Originally posted by Funkyalligator
Krispy Kream Donuts and masturbation......hmmmmm....that is kind of scary especialy the when the particular store that this employee works in is well known for its special Boston Creams.........

Dude, that just wasn't right. It was funny, but it wasn't right. :laugh:

Ghost of Nibbs McPimpin
May-20th-2004, 11:52 AM
If da womenz would give up the rhythm a little more, this wouldn't be a problem.

NASMTrainer
May-20th-2004, 11:58 AM
Originally posted by Om
Yet again, life imitates art. (http://www.seinfeldscripts.com/TheContest.htm)


AHHHH, the Master of my Domain

PaulInVirginia
May-20th-2004, 03:57 PM
Kinda ironic to discuss this topic on a website called Extreme Skins.

:laugh:

Ghost of Nibbs McPimpin
May-20th-2004, 04:01 PM
Paul, it has occurred to me when I wore my Extremeskins shirt at work(before the store opened) that it could come across as a Porn site. FOrtunately, that feather clued people in and figured it out.

Bang
May-20th-2004, 04:09 PM
They did a piece about these two pastors on The Daily Show a couple of weeks ago.
It was rather funny.

~Bang

PaulInVirginia
May-20th-2004, 05:07 PM
hey Ghost,

:laugh:

Jay Master Jay
May-20th-2004, 05:15 PM
I'm going to Winchells for donuts now.

Ancalagon the Black
May-20th-2004, 05:27 PM
Probably my favorite part:


If that doesn't work, you can pursue alternatives like chewing gum, blasting John Lennon's song 'Cold Turkey,' eating chocolate or whatever helps you best (not masturbation).

Hehe...I said "part."

Montilar
May-20th-2004, 06:10 PM
And that puts an end to my doughnut addication.


Uh oh, You're going to disappoint Krispy kreme. Especially as they are shutting down the old location (about 14k sq. ft.) and moving to a brand new site of about 38k Sq. ft. A very nice site.


----------------

And speaking of this particular topic; it HAS happened. FACT.

But it wasn't a Krispy Kreme. It was a store bakery shop (and it WILL be kept anonymous as to who). An ex-con working in the bakery added his "special sauce" to the pastries/donuts when he was alone and feeling the urge..... It happened a few years ago....

He confessed to his parole officer, who passed it on to police. Who passed it on so the bakery items in the store could be tested and analyzed.

It didn't get leaked out to the press, otherwise it would of likely been national news, with how they like sensational stories.....

sort of like 10 or so years ago when someone found a condom in a jar of mayonnaise. I heard that one on the radio as I was driving... I knew the person who had to handle the investigation (in both instances).

OrangeSkin
May-20th-2004, 06:29 PM
It's really not that hard to go without masturbation. People blow it out of proportion. I had very little trouble abstaining for long periods of time, even in my late teens.

I think sometimes it's more of a psychological thing...sex is supposed to be an addiction, therefore I better be about to explode after a masturbation-free week or I'm not normal.

Thiebear
May-20th-2004, 07:55 PM
THeres a Krispy Kreme at the top of the hill on Rt 1 that you can see everything made from start to finish.
Its the one with the 12 trucks ready to ride so they can distribute them hot and such..


I feel better seeing it, otherwise I'd be done with them at this point...

Your a dunkin(sp) donuts or a krispy kreme person..
(as a fatty I appreciate both)....

but Dunkin and Kreme take on metahors I never thought of before?

Trevor
May-21st-2004, 06:22 AM
A guy up here got caught on video tape masturbating into the donuts at a Dunkin Donuts. I think it was about 5 years ago, i haven't ate a donut since I heard about it.

Montilar
May-21st-2004, 05:07 PM
Thiebear;

They are shutting down the processing at the old Alexandria plant. They're opening a 38,000 sq. ft. facility down in Lorton near the Occoquan for the processing.

The retail operation will still be there in Alexandria.

And Trevor, that's not the one I know of.