View Full Version : The cookies
March-20th-2002, 02:40 PM
An elderly Irishman lay dying in his bed. While suffering the agonies of impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookies wafting up the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort, gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled downstairs. With labored breath, he leaned against the door-frame, <br />gazing into the kitchen. Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven, for there, spread out upon waxed paper on the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favorite chocolate chip cookies. Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted Irish wife of sixty years, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man? Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself towards the table, landing on his knees in a rumpled posture. His parched lips parted, the wondrous taste of the cookie was already in his mouth, seemingly bringing him back to life. The aged and withered hand trembled on its way to a cookie at the edge of the table when it was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his wife...... <br /><br />"Back off!" she said, "They're for the funeral."
March-20th-2002, 03:48 PM
In the afterglow of inaugural -- and happily quite glorious -- lovemaking, she reaches for a cigarette. <br /><br />"Do you smoke after sex?" she purrs, trying to get her breath.<br /><br />"Don't rightly know," he says, lifting the sheet and peering underneath, "let me check."
Park City Skins
March-20th-2002, 04:45 PM
2 joke threads in Tailgate? Cool. I'm going to have to ask the owners for more stage space for our budding stand-ups though. Cool I'm in! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="smile.gif" /> <br /><br />Woman walks down the street one evening, wearing a very expensive fur coat. Suddenly, out of nowhere, a man jumps out of the darkness and confronts the woman.<br />"Lady! Do you know how many animals had to die to make that fur coat!?"<br />She stops, looks the man in the eye and with finger under his nose, and responds;<br /><br />"Mister! Do you know how many animals I had to f*** to get this coat?"<br /> <br /> <small>[ March 20, 2002, 10:46 PM: Message edited by: Park City Skins ]</small>
March-21st-2002, 05:08 PM
redman, lad ... you've made yourself scarce around here lately. <br /><br />All is well, I hope.
March-22nd-2002, 04:19 PM
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin." <br /><br />"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?" <br /><br />"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be.<br /> <br />Husband #2 was in software services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me. <br /><br />Husband #3 was from field services; he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up. <br /><br />Husband #4 was in telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.<br /> <br />Husband #5 was an engineer; he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research,<br />implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method. <br /><br />Husband #6 was from finance and administration; he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not. <br /><br />Husband #7 was in marketing; although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it. <br /><br />Husband #8 was a psychologist; all he ever did was talk about it. <br /><br />Husband #9 was a gynecologist; all he did was look at it. <br /><br />Husband #10 was a stamp collector; all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!" <br /><br />"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?" <br /><br />"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get scr*wed!"
March-25th-2002, 07:04 AM
I'm fine, Brave, thanks for asking. I've just been busy at work. I post in streaks around here anyway, in case you haven't noticed.
March-25th-2002, 08:09 AM
Hilarious, Montilar, esp #10 <img border="0" alt="[laugh]" title="" src="graemlins/laugh.gif" />
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