You think you aren't handy? Here, I'll go ahead and open myself up for scorn from the rest of the guys in this thread and detail my home improvement past. Keeping in mind that my first step is almost always to call someone.
1. I attempted to fix the toilet tank apparatus in my downstairs bathroom when it was constantly running. I replaced it with two small issues. First, when I wasn't looking, my dog ate the dye tablet that you use for testing. That was a quick trip to the 24 hour vet. Secondly, the seal on the underside of the tank started leaking, despite my best attempts to make it as tight as possible. Call Plumber.
2. I built a patio in our backyard with my brother in law. Now, by built a patio, I mean that we leveled a space in the backyard, laid down sand, and then laid stones on top, with sand in between. It actually looks really nice, the sand packed in well. Of course, he did all the leveling because he was outside working before I woke up, I mostly laid stones. We keep it swept and pick the weeds, but the patio is a little lopsided here and there from shifting sand, and I haven't bothered to fix it.
3. I attempted to grow grass in the back yard. When we bought the place, it was nothing but overgrown clover. I used one of those TV tools to rip it all out, then spread grass seed. It grew in patches, and the dogs killed them instantly with copious amounts of urine. On the plus side, what little grass does grow, I can mow with a weedwacker.
4. When I lived with friends, I got locked out of the house in the middle of winter while they were out of town, with my friend/roommates arthritic dog. I punched through one of the windows and unlocked the door. I covered the broken window with a beer box. When it was time to replace the window, I used a glass cutter and cut an exact pane of glass, ignoring the fact that there would need to be extra glass to fit into the window frame. I got around this by putting a ton of putty around the base and sides. We didn't get our security deposit back, though it was because of more things than just that.
5. I have painted a room, under the direction of my wife. She painted for a summer or two. I was not allowed to do edges or trim.
I think that's enough embarassment for now. On the other hand, I'm really good at putting together desks from IKEA or baby furniture, and I can change lightbulbs.