Ask a Girl Thread - You Can Post Your Questions Here! (KEEP IT PG-13!)

[KevinthePRF]

But what if all she wanted all along was to be friends with benefits? I'm just realizing that some girls just want the fun. Maybe she's one of those girls.

I'm speaking from experience, "Friends with benefits" in a guy's mind translates to "Lease with later option to buy" in a girl's heart, and that option is non-negotiable. It's a timebomb, severe emotional drama will ensue the moment you try and get into a real relationship with someone else.

No matter what she says to ease your caution, it is what it is. Enter at your own risk.

[Zhouse]

I've got one:

I've been with my girl for 2.5 years now and most of it long distance because I moved around a lot. Come September I will have to pick a place to live for a longer term (unless something unexpected comes up) we we both know we will move closer, if not together.

I'm somewhat limited to where I can go because I'm staying with my company and she's more flexible since she's in the medical field. But she has said she won't move anywhere with harsh winters or harsh summers so I'm kinda screwed because my choices just got a lot smaller.

I like it here in MN and I would honestly consider staying here but that seems out of question. I know a relationship is about compromising and I understand she's actually putting up with a lot.

Is this fair?....for her to have this restriction or for me to consider not being accommodating?

[Special K]

But you've got to understand what you're asking me to do. Its like asking a crackhead to quit cold turkey, when the dealer's offering a discount.

Yeah, I am with Ren and Pretty in Pink. You really need to move on and go elsewhere. I can almost 99.999999% guarantee you that she doesn't "just" want to be FWB. It's her way of keeping you around in the hopes that you'll get back together with her. You are just asking for major drama here if you accept her offer.

[Skinz4Life12]

thinking skins - 3 words: beat it up

[TGI Jef]

everyone puts far too much emphasis on relationships. it is my belief that if you do waht you need to in order to make yourself happy, everything else - be it a girlfriend or boyfriend - will kind of fall into place.

[Morneblade]

So, if I preface my breakup speech with, "promise me that no matter what I say, we'll still be friends", and then continue to tell her that we're breaking up, and she comes back later and says "can we be friends with benefits"...

... am I still obliged to some exclusive relationship with her? Or am I now free again?

The amount of trouble this will get you is not worth it. You need to make a clean break....period.

[PrettyInPink_SkinsGear]

yeah you need to just roll with this and get what you can there are a lot of philosophical and introspective ways of looking at it, but i think thats what it all kind of leads to in the end

UGH! Men are such pigs! Or maybe just ES guys I love you guys, but sheesh!

TS--if she only wanted to be FWB in the first place a) she would not have gotten into a relationship with you and b) she would have initiated the breakup, not you.

I know giving up the prospect of sex with someone who wants you back and is thus likely going to put out on demand is mighty tempting, but trust me...it's a horrible idea. You're in the "ask a girl" thread for a reason. Us girls are trying to give you a clue to what's going through her mind and we're in consensus.

I'm going to scare the hell out of you...what if you have sex with her, and she has some diabolical plan to get knocked up just to keep you? Then you're trapped...why even expose yourself like that?

[TGI Jef]

UGH! Men are such pigs! Or maybe just ES guys I love you guys, but sheesh!

TS--if she only wanted to be FWB in the first place a) she would not have gotten into a relationship with you and b) she would have initiated the breakup, not you.

I know giving up the prospect of sex with someone who wants you back and is thus likely going to put out on demand is mighty tempting, but trust me...it's a horrible idea. You're in the "ask a girl" thread for a reason. Us girls are trying to give you a clue to what's going through her mind and we're in consensus.

I'm going to scare the hell out of you...what if you have sex with her, and she has some diabolical plan to get knocked up just to keep you? Then you're trapped...why even expose yourself like that?

ha i was kidding when i typed that

[PrettyInPink_SkinsGear]

ha i was kidding when i typed that

LOL, I always wanted to use that smiley.

[boysetsfire]

But what if all she wanted all along was to be friends with benefits? I'm just realizing that some girls just want the fun. Maybe she's one of those girls.

Look dude i'll speak from personal experience. A couple of years ago I broke up with a chick who I was in a pretty serious relationship for a year and a half. A couple of weeks later she called me and we had a pretty long talk. What ended up happening after that talk was we ended up becoming FWB. While I was in the mindset that that was all that was going on she had a different agenda. After a couple of weeks she came to me and told me she wanted to try the relationship again and that I should reconsider breaking up with her. I clearly told her no, that all we were doing was the friends with benefits deal we agreed to and thats all I wanted. Seriously it was the worst mistake I made agreeing to do that. I broke up with her for a reason and I knew that I should have kept it that way. There was so much drama and headaches that I had to deal with all because of a stupid choice I made but I deserved every bit of it. Just say no man. Trust me.

[Warpath11]

Just say no to friends with benefits...in my experience it NEVER EVER EVER works out and the drama bombs drop after a few weeks or so.

[BKSkinsFan]

I've been on both sides of the FWBs, as far as with one I had no feelings and the girl wanted more, and the other time I was hoping she would remember how great we were together and reconsider things. In either case, it's a mistake not worth making.

[Special K]

Look dude i'll speak from personal experience. A couple of years ago I broke up with a chick who I was in a pretty serious relationship for a year and a half. A couple of weeks later she called me and we had a pretty long talk. What ended up happening after that talk was we ended up becoming FWB. While I was in the mindset that that was all that was going on she had a different agenda. After a couple of weeks she came to me and told me she wanted to try the relationship again and that I should reconsider breaking up with her. I clearly told her no, that all we were doing was the friends with benefits deal we agreed to and thats all I wanted. Seriously it was the worst mistake I made agreeing to do that. I broke up with her for a reason and I knew that I should have kept it that way. There was so much drama and headaches that I had to deal with all because of a stupid choice I made but I deserved every bit of it. Just say no man. Trust me.

See??? Take this guy's advice ^^^^^^ He has experienced what we are all warning you of.

I don't know one chick who has EVER been in a FWB situation where some small part of her didn't want a relationship. I know this because some of my girlfriends are involved in these situations and for years I've been stuck at the other end of the phone or couch listening to them dissect every freaking detail of the situation to see if the guy has actual feelings for her (not that I begrudge this or anything, I'll listen to my friends anytime just as they do for me). I've just noticed the stories are all the same, just the players are different.

[PrettyInPink_SkinsGear]

I know this because some of my girlfriends are involved in these situations and for years I've been stuck at the other end of the phone or couch listening to them dissect every freaking detail of the situation to see if the guy has actual feelings for her.

+1 Same here. I've been both the sympathetic friend, and the "bordering on psycho cuz I want my ex back and how can he have sex with me so sweetly and passionately and not still be in love me...." friend. So I know of what I speak. It's been that way since the beginning of time. Men can separate love & sex a lot better than women. Not saying that women can't, but it's harder. Pure biology.

Just say no to FWB with an ex. If it's not an ex, that's a different story. But an ex is bad news.

[Special K]

+1 Same here. I've been both the sympathetic friend, and the "bordering on psycho cuz I want my ex back and how can he have sex with me so sweetly and passionately and not still be in love me...." friend. So I know of what I speak. It's been that way since the beginning of time. Men can separate love & sex a lot better than women. Not saying that women can't, but it's harder. Pure biology.

Just say no to FWB with an ex. If it's not an ex, that's a different story. But an ex is bad news.

Well, I don't think I've ever even met a female who can strictly be FWB with a guy without some part of her hoping that during that time the guy will eventually fall for her. Basically, I've never met a female like Samantha from SATC.

I've never done the FWB thing because I see it as completely pointless, at least for me. I usually won't even talk to the guy after a breakup, I just need a completely clean cut so I can move onward with my life, then maybe I can be friends with him sometime down the road. I can't even imagine doing a FWB with an ex, that would definitely drive me crazy.