OK, seriously. Can someone please explain to me why I should give two flying ****s about Prince Billy Bob's wedding? (I forget which one he is. Andrew? Of Persia? Albert in a Can?) Seriously. Why do we care about these people at all????

Isn't the royal family, afterall, like American racism on steroids? I mean, we only discriminated against a few million people because of their skin color. These ****ers think they're better than everyone else in the entire damned country because of the FAMILY they were born into!!! BORN into!!! No work. No effort. No conquering hero. Make it through the birth canal, and BOOM. You're a prince.

There's no equivalent here. There's no, boom, you're an astronaut. Or boom, your a Playboy playmate. Or boom, you're the first Kenyan to rule....errrr....lead the United States. No. We pull ourselves up by our bootstraps and EARN what we get. Isn't that right, Bernie Madoff?!

And don't even get me started on the fact that we Americans came here to get AWAY from these douchewaggers. If you watch even a SECOND of that wedding, you are urinating on the graves of all those brave men who died fighting the world's only super power so that we could HAVE a country.

And don't give me that, "Oh, it's about the fairytale stories of princes and princesses." Seriously? Y'all don't get the Disney Channel? Call your cable provider, pony up the cash, and prince and princess yourself to damn death!

Ewwwhhh but hawg, youwah disrespecteeeeng the Queen mum! A mum is a flower, not a person. It's "mom," mmkay? A "flat" isn't a residence, it's bad a commute. "Getting sacked" isn't a bad thing; it's good damn Friday night. And "bobby?" Well, yeah, we'll let you have that one, because it's a ghey-azz name for a cop anyway. "Cop" is far better. Cop, from "copper," which is what the Irish (one of the many groups of people who are better than you) made their badges out of. Look it up!

Ewwwhhh but hawg, the King's English is the standard by which all English speakers should be measured. Yeah, that was until we whipped your ass and reversed super-power roles (in a scant century-and-a-half, mind you.) Welcome to the President's English. Ya feel me? No? Lemme break it down for ya one time....The victor writes the history books AND the damn dictionary.

So yeah, royal family, all you dirty rotten commoners, and everyone here who sympathizes with our former enemy. We've got the real "Big Ben." We speak real English. We are real. We earn our keep. And each of us is PROUD to have been born into the family that we were, in the greatest country on earth.

And if you don't like that, you can kiss my Londonderriere.