Anyone who knows me well, knows I have an unhealthy, unreasonable fear of bees. It's something on the level of the Tailgate's fear of spiders, times a really big number. I'm mortified of them. I'll take a bullet for a casual acquaintance, but when it comes to bees, even my own children are on their own.
This afternoon, I took a half day off from work, in order to get some things done around the house. I just haven't had time to cut the grass, reassemble the bedroom I've been remodeling/repainting, etc. I had a lot of stuff to do that I just haven't had time for of late. So I start with my least favorite task, and head out to cut the grass.
I've got my iPod rockin', busting the yard out like I'm a friggin' NASCAR driver at Daytona cranking out practice laps. And with the tune selection, I was almost...ALMOST...enjoying it.
So I get just about finished when the unthinkable happens. I inhale some kind of fairly large insect. It hits the back of my throat, fluttering for all it's worth. I let go of the mower, and proceed to gag until I thought I might pass out. I couldn't get a breath, couldn't cough it out, nothing. The feeling was indescribable. Just utter misery between the gags/heaves, and feeling this thing flitting around back there.
I finally get to the point that the choking stops, and I feel like I can muster a cough. I tried to sneak a quick breath, and prepare to expel this thing when it hit me. BAM!!! Stung like a mother ****er INSIDE MY THROAT!!!
I kid you not, I stopped everything, in the midst of the intensely burning pain, and said a prayer. "If this is my time, forgive me, let me come home, and take care of my kids. Amen."
See, I'm (locally, not aniphilactic, however you spell it) very allergic to yellow jackets. Wherever I get stung, it swells up like a softball. This felt for all the world like a yellow jacket sting. If it had been, there was no getting to a hospital. There was no making it far enough to make a phone call. I was going to be found in the yard.
I hurried inside, took some benadryl, sucked on some ice, and thank the Good Lord, the pain has eased, and the swelling is minimal. (I feel like I have a half-kernel of corn stuck in my throat, but that's FAR better than the alternative.)
I really thought, for more than a few minutes that this could really be it, and there wasn't a damned thing I could do about it. And let me tell you...that sucks. I'm most thankful to be able to post this...and to be the butt of this evening's Tailgate joke thread.