Random Funny ARTICLES Not Worth Their Own Thread

[China]

Oates bites Hall in the Face

[China]

One hundred and deity

Darts fan booted out of final because he looked like Jesus

Bearded Nathan Grindal, 33, was enjoying the match between star champ Phil Taylor and Kim Huybrechts when some of the 4,500-strong audience spotted his likeness to the son of God.

Chants of "Jesus" quickly spread through the rowdy crowd, interrupting play at Butlins in Minehead, Somerset.

Security was called before six bouncers escorted upset Nathan from the Cash Converters Players' Championship, being shown on ITV4.

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage...72NcJoozWMxYP7

Click on the link for the full article

---------- Post added December-13th-2012 at 10:37 AM ----------

This may be old, but regardless here it is:

[China]

Viewing online pornography 'can make you lose your memory'

German study finds men turn forgetful when looking at erotic images

People addicted to watching pornography on the internet are in danger of suffering short-term memory loss which can have a major impact on their lives, according to new research.

German scientists studied the part of the brain responsible for keeping information in the mind while using it to complete a task, critical for understanding, reasoning, problem solving and decision making.

In the first research of its kind, they asked asked 28 men — all heterosexual with an average age of 26 — to look at a number of computer images, some pornographic and some nonsexual.

The clean images included pictures of people doing a number of activities, such as laughing, playing sports or carrying a weapon.

As the volunteers viewed the pictures, they touched a 'yes' or 'no' key to indicate whether the picture was the same as one they had seen four slides previously.

The men logged a significantly greater number of incorrect answers when they viewed the porn than when they saw the nonsexual images.

Click on the link for the full article

[China]

Key Largo man shot in argument over open relationship, police say

What began as a jealous argument almost turned deadly for a Key Largo man involved with a woman in an open marriage, Monroe County police say.

Candice Lee, 37, allegedly shot her former lover, Shakir Muilam, 45, with a .22-caliber rifle after the two argued over her relationship with a new boyfriend, said Deputy Becky Herrin, spokeswoman with the Monroe County Sheriff's Office.

Lee and her husband, whom the Sheriff's Office did not identify, are in an open relationship, which allows them to have other sexual partners, Herrin said.

Lee and Muilam were in a relationship but broke up recently. However, she and her husband allowed Muilam to live with them when he was diagnosed with cancer.

While living with her husband and Muilam, Lee began a new relationship with yet another man. Muilam found Lee and her boyfriend talking early Thursday outside of their home at 217 St. Croix Pl. and became angry, according to police. Lee reportedly told Muilam that if he didn't approve of her new relationship, he could move out. Sometime during the argument, Lee reportedly fell and hit her head.

She went inside the house and came back outside with the rifle and pointed it at Muilam. Lee told investigators that as she and Muilam argued, he reached behind himself and she shot him in the thigh.

Click on the link for the full article

[twa]

Iowa Court: Bosses Can Fire 'Irresistible' Workers

http://abcnews.go.com/US/wireStory/i...8#.UNW3-nbRHFA

A dentist acted legally when he fired an assistant that he found attractive simply because he and his wife viewed the woman as a threat to their marriage, the all-male Iowa Supreme Court ruled Friday.

The court ruled 7-0 that bosses can fire employees they see as an "irresistible attraction," even if the employees have not engaged in flirtatious behavior or otherwise done anything wrong. Such firings may be unfair, but they are not unlawful discrimination under the Iowa Civil Rights Act because they are motivated by feelings and emotions, not gender, Justice Edward Mansfield wrote.
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"While there was really no fault on the part of Mrs. Nelson, it was just as clear the decision to terminate her was not related to the fact that she was a woman," he said. "The motives behind Dr. Knight terminating Mrs. Nelson were quite clear: He did so to preserve his marriage.

[China]

Teaching IBM's Watson the meaning of 'OMG'

Getting supercomputers like IBM's Watson to understand slang may be the final frontier in machine intelligence.

FORTUNE -- The scientific test to gauge if a computer can "think" is surprisingly simple: Can it engage in small talk? The so-called Turing test says a computer capable of carrying on a natural conversation without giving itself away can be considered intelligent. So far, no machine has made the cut.

...

Two years ago, Brown attempted to teach Watson the Urban Dictionary. The popular website contains definitions for terms ranging from Internet abbreviations like OMG, short for "Oh, my God," to slang such as "hot mess."

But Watson couldn't distinguish between polite language and profanity -- which the Urban Dictionary is full of. Watson picked up some bad habits from reading Wikipedia as well. In tests it even used the word "bull****" in an answer to a researcher's query.

Ultimately, Brown's 35-person team developed a filter to keep Watson from swearing and scraped the Urban Dictionary from its memory.

Click on the link for the full article

[twa]

AIG Is Thinking About Suing the Government for Bailing It Out

http://www.theatlanticwire.com/busin...-it-out/60698/
It's been almost five years since AIG's stock dropped 60 percent in a day leaving the company doomed to failure, when Uncle Sam swooped in with $182 billion to rescue it. But AIG must have a short memory, because on Monday night news emerged that the insurance company is actually thinking about suing the U.S. government over the bailout that saved it. The board will discuss the idea with shareholders at a meeting on Wednesday.

It's not so much that AIG's mad the government bailed them out. (They wouldn't be around to be mad if it hadn't.) They just wish they'd done it a little bit differently. "The lawsuit does not argue that government help was not needed," The New York Times reports. "It contends that the onerous nature of the rescue -- the taking of what became a 92 percent stake in the company, the deal's high interest rates and the funneling of billions to the insurer's Wall Street clients -- deprived shareholders of tens of billions of dollars and violated the Fifth Amendment, which prohibits the taking of private property for 'public use, without just compensation.'"

[China]

Swiss court wipes slate clean on ancient farm debt

GENEVA (AP) - A Swiss court has wiped out an annual debt that farmers have had to pay the Catholic Church to atone for a crime 655 years ago.

Swiss public broadcaster RTS says a court in the northeastern canton (state) of Glarus ruled that the current farm owner no longer has to pay 70 Swiss francs ($76) each year because Swiss mortgage reforms in the mid-19th century made the practice invalid.

The broadcaster reported Tuesday the court sided with the landowner in a dispute with the church after he refused to make the annual payment for oil and candles.

The payments had been a tradition since 1357, when a man named Konrad Mueller killed a man named Heinrich Stucki. To atone, Mueller promised to always pay to keep an eternal lamp lit.

[twa]

Father Hires Virtual Hit Men To Assassinate Son in Online Video Games

http://www.slate.com/blogs/future_te...ally_kill.html

From China via Livedoor and Kotaku East comes the tale of a father whose unemployed 23-year-old son was allegedly devoting the bulk of his waking hours to an online war game. As the son's skills grew, he began to find that he could defeat almost all comers—until one day the young man found himself being cut down immediately every time he began the game. After a while, he began to suspect that something was up, and grilled his virtual assassins as to why they were targeting him. Eventually one let slip that he had been hired by the boy's father for just that purpose.

Kotaku East explains:

Unhappy with his son not finding a job, Feng decided to hire players in his son's favorite online games to hunt down Xiao Feng. It is unknown where or how Feng found the in-game assassins—every one of the players he hired were stronger and higher leveled than Xiao Feng. Feng's idea was that his son would get bored of playing games if he was killed every time he logged on, and that he would start putting more effort into getting a job.
The plot apparently failed, as Xiao Feng refused to stop playing the game. But hey, if he keeps at it, maybe one day he can score a gig as an online video game hitman.

[China]

Wuhan hospital opens VIP sex wards furnished with adjustable double bed, sex toys and videos to treat infertility by inspiring sexual passion

A hospital in Wuhan has recently opened VIP patient wards for infertile patients and couples having problems in conceiving babies. The wards are furnished with all necessary furniture and tools for easy and successful sex except condom. Promoted as 'second nuptial chamber', the luxury decoration and furniture in the room are to encourage pregnancy by inspiring sexual passion for the patients.

The luxury wards, dubbed by Chinese media as "sex wards", each has an area of 50 square meters. The standard furnishing includes red lamps, sex toys, automatically adjustable sex double bed and couch, pictures illustrating human genital structure. And sex skill videos, nurse uniform and air hostess costumes are available on request.

Expert will come to bedside to watch and give advice on sex skills

According to a report, expert will come to provide sex skills advice when the potentially infertile couple have sex in the VIP sex ward.

Click on the link for the full article

---------- Post added January-10th-2013 at 11:30 AM ----------

Oh, and this little gem in the article:

According to the sex professor Peng Xiaohui from Huazhong Normal University invited to the press conference, they once treated a couple having fertility problems and the reason why the couple with doctor degree failed to conceive a baby after three years of marriage was found to be that the husband had mistaken the belly button of his wife for her vagina!

[twa]

A Fracking Proposal From a Texan

http://online.wsj.com/article_email/...valettop_email

I read your Jan. 3 editorial "New York' s Fracking Phobia" about New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo's hesitation with regard to fracking in New York. Some of us in Texas believe the governor should outlaw fracking in New York. It is a nasty business. In fact, maybe he should outlaw any kind of drilling. It is all dangerous. And we might not mind if every state except Texas outlawed fracking. Well, maybe at least those states whose citizens consider themselves to be intellectually superior, plus Alaska. We need to keep those states pristine, and besides that we need to get prices up to a more reasonable level.

Do not worry about jobs. The ones who want to work can come to Texas. The ones who don't want to work can move to California or call the White House, which will send them some stuff.

Fracking is not the only thing New York should prohibit. It should certainly not allow any refineries, nor any pipelines, nor trucks hauling gas or oil, nor tanker ships. With regard to tankers, particular care should be made to avoid double-hulled tankers, because everyone knows that a double-hulled tanker is twice as dangerous as one with a single hull. And please, no LNG terminals, which would surely attract terrorist bombings and maybe even Iranian missiles.

I have walked the canyons of Manhattan enough to know that the winds are often strong enough to power windmills........

more@link

[Thiebear]

According to the sex professor Peng Xiaohui from Huazhong Normal University invited to the press conference, they once treated a couple having fertility problems and the reason why the couple with doctor degree failed to conceive a baby after three years of marriage was found to be that the husband had mistaken the belly button of his wife for her vagina!

Great! the shallow end of the gene pool now have lifeguards..

[China]

Puppy thrown at German biker gang

A German student "mooned" a group of Hell's Angels and hurled a puppy at them before escaping on a stolen bulldozer, police have said.

The man drove up to a Hell's Angels clubhouse near Munich, wearing only a pair of shorts and carrying a puppy.

He dropped his shorts and threw the dog, escaping on a bulldozer from a nearby building site.

He was arrested later at home by police. The 26-year-old is said to have stopped taking depression medication.

Click on the link for a full article

[China]

Zoo chimp addicted to human porn



Keepers at a Spanish zoo say one of their chimps has become addicted to watching human porn.

Gina's unlikely habit began after a television set was installed in her enclosure at Seville Zoo.

Primatologist Pablo Herreros told El Mundo: "'To enliven Gina's nights, officials decided to install a Freeview television, protected behind glass, and gave her a remote control so she could change the channels herself.

"In the early trials, her keepers visited Gina to check that everything was in order and she did not break the new toy.

"The surprise came when they found that within a few days, Gina was not only using the remote control perfectly well, but that she also chose the porn channel for entertainment, as many of us would have done."

[China]

Online horsemeat burger calculator

A price comparison website has launched an online calculator - so burger fans can work out how many horses they could eat in a lifetime.

It comes after tests by the Food Safety Authority of Ireland found a sample of Tesco Everyday Value Beefburgers contained 29% horse meat.

Tom Packer, founder of MyDeals.com which created the calculator, said: "Based on the calculations we've trotted out, you would need to eat approximately 26,400 burgers to eat the equivalent of one horse, hardly the basis for a stable diet.

Click on the link for the rest