Has anyone dealt with postpartum depression?

[CaptChaos86]

Ok so I'm seeking some advice here, so as some of you know my wife and I just had our first child and he is now 5 weeks old and things have been pretty good. But I've got a feeling something is going on with her. I mean we are pretty sleep deprived and get irritable with each other occasionally but nothing to any extent where we don't make up or get over it quickly. Well we let my mom take him overnight a couple nights ago and things went well, we went to dinner with some friends and had some alone time just the two of us and it was great. Well today she texted me and is having my mom keep him again overnight, which i am fine with but its making me nervous to have him away too much when he is so young. And she told me she feels like she is missing out on stuff. Which i get, i used to play music and be in bands and travel playing music but i gave that up and have really focused on being a dad and working and trying to build a good life for our son. And my mom always said if we need a night away just to call her which is great and all but i hope this isnt leading to a bigger problem. I dunno, maybe im looking too much into it. But have any of you experienced and issues like this and all i know to do is just be there for her and to listen and try to support her. But i kind of feel helpless right now.

[brandymac27]

Well, I have 2 kids and remember those days! If she is home all day taking care of the baby and then not getting a lot of sleep at night on top of it, she may very well just need a break! Maybe she feels like she just needs to get out of the house and have a little "me" or "alone with you" time. I was like that too. Maybe once a month for the first couple of months I felt like I needed to just get out of the house and be around other adults and relax.

[Popeman38]

Ok so I'm seeking some advice here, so as some of you know my wife and I just had our first child and he is now 5 weeks old and things have been pretty good. But I've got a feeling something is going on with her. I mean we are pretty sleep deprived and get irritable with each other occasionally but nothing to any extent where we don't make up or get over it quickly. Well we let my mom take him overnight a couple nights ago and things went well, we went to dinner with some friends and had some alone time just the two of us and it was great. Well today she texted me and is having my mom keep him again overnight, which i am fine with but its making me nervous to have him away too much when he is so young. And she told me she feels like she is missing out on stuff. Which i get, i used to play music and be in bands and travel playing music but i gave that up and have really focused on being a dad and working and trying to build a good life for our son. And my mom always said if we need a night away just to call her which is great and all but i hope this isnt leading to a bigger problem. I dunno, maybe im looking too much into it. But have any of you experienced and issues like this and all i know to do is just be there for her and to listen and try to support her. But i kind of feel helpless right now.

Horomones are raging in her right now (I don't mean that as an insult or dig at all). Postpartum depression is very common, but I don't think feelings of missing out is a symptom. I think that is very normal for a woman in her mid-twenties to have. Do your friends have kids? Are they going out and doing things 3-5 nights/week, and she is vicariously living through them on FB/Twitter?

I think I would keep an eye on things, because wanting to spend too much time apart from baby can become a real issue.

As an aside, my daughter is 28 moths, and she has never spent a night without either me or my wife present. I am slightly jealous lol

[brandymac27]

What Pope said is also true. her hormones are going crazy still. Try to have a little patience, help her out as much as you can, and just observe things for a little while and see how things go. I'm not a Psych, but this doesn't sound like PPD. At least not yet.

[No_Pressure]

Try to plan something that isn't just a regular evening date night type of thing. Take her to have a massage and then maybe her favorite meal out or something relaxing like that. Chances are she just needs some time away from the baby, it isn't necessarily postpartum depression.

[CaptChaos86]

Yeah i just feel like some would view us as bad parents or something since he will have stayed 2 nights away from us now and he is only 5 weeks old. And i know its hard for her, she is there all day while i am at work, and she is starting back to work next week and im sure that will help some. But im just really hoping this doesnt turn into something worse. Im hoping its just she needs a break because we have been super busy. We had him and have a new house we just moved into and have barely had a chance to sit down and breathe lately.

[brandymac27]

Yeah i just feel like some would view us as bad parents or something since he will have stayed 2 nights away from us now and he is only 5 weeks old. And i know its hard for her, she is there all day while i am at work, and she is starting back to work next week and im sure that will help some. But im just really hoping this doesnt turn into something worse. Im hoping its just she needs a break because we have been super busy. We had him and have a new house we just moved into and have barely had a chance to sit down and breathe lately.

Sounds to me like she honestly needs a break!

[twa]

Sounds to me like she honestly needs a break!

Yep, just be glad you have someone willing to give her one.

A alt is letting her go out with friends while you take care of the baby(one afternoon,or night out, a week is a good deal )
Doesn't sound like PPD to me....welcome to parenthood

[pjfootballer]

Yeah i just feel like some would view us as bad parents or something since he will have stayed 2 nights away from us now and he is only 5 weeks old.

Not sure why this younger generation (sorry to call out age) feels like if they don't spend 24 hrs a day, 7 days a week with a kid, they will be called a bad parent. Parents NEED time away from kids to do adult things. That's what grandparents are for. To help out and give you some time away. A would applaud you that you are taking time for yourselves. Sometimes people spend so much time on their kids, they forget to work on the marriage. Kids are wonderful, but you guys need time for yourselves also.

[renaissance]

Not sure why this younger generation (sorry to call out age) feels like if they don't spend 24 hrs a day, 7 days a week with a kid, they will be called a bad parent. Parents NEED time away from kids to do adult things. That's what grandparents are for. To help out and give you some time away. A would applaud you that you are taking time for yourselves. Sometimes people spend so much time on their kids, they forget to work on the marriage. Kids are wonderful, but you guys need time for yourselves also.

Judging from some of my friends' parents, spending too much time on your kids and not enough time on your marriage isn't just a problem of my generation.

I do, however, feel like Facebook and the like have intensified how we judge each others' parenting skills and styles.

[pjfootballer]

Judging from some of my friends' parents, spending too much time on your kids and not enough time on your marriage isn't just a problem of my generation.

I do, however, feel like Facebook and the like have intensified how we judge each others' parenting skills and styles.

I was reluctant to play the age thing, but I suppose you are right with the internet and everyone posting anything anywhere. I agree that bad marriages don't just plague the youth, but I think my generation, my parents and my grandparents generations to me, have different reasons for divorce. But that's just my outlook and I know it doesn't mean squat, but I just wanted to let him know that it's OK to get away from the kids. I do see separation anxiety in parents and kids more in this day and age. Hell, we couldn't wait for a babysitter to come over. ANYTHING to get my parents out of the house and have my cousin come over.

[brandymac27]

I do talk to her, i mean she is my best friend and we share everything with each other. Which is why im feeling weird because she has seemed a bit distant and out of it. So thats what has me worried. But anyway we have a free night tonight and am just gonna spend time with her and maybe go see some friends and see how things go from there.[COLOR="Gold"]

Remember, her hormones are still going crazy too, which is probably why she may seem a little distant. Just remember, there's nothing wrong with the two of you spending some alone time together without the baby. It would also be ok, like TWA mentioned, for her to have a girls night out while you stay home with the baby(same applies to you too). You both need a break at some point. If you are being hermits and spending 100% of your time at home with the baby, you're gonna end up going crazy. Not to mention, it could cause issues in your marriage.

It's natural to worry about these kinds of things when you're a new parent. My advice would be to stop worrying about what you "think" people will think about you, be the best parents that you can be, and spend some quality time together (alone) with your wife. You'll both feel recharged after, and it will give her a sense that just b/c she's a new mom doesn't mean she has to completely give up her friends, social life, and time with you (which is the most important thing!).

[codeorama]

I don't want to freak you out, but I do want to offer another side to what you are experiencing.

After my son was born, my wife at the time went through some of the same things you describe. 2.5 years later, she left my son and I.

Her issue was/is that she just wasn't responsible, she wasn't willing to give up doing all the things she wanted to do. Our son was a reality check. She had baby fever forever and I was the one that was hesitant. However, once our son was born, I was changed. I did everything. She just wanted to do what she wanted to do. It was all about her.

I should not have been surprised as that's how her family is. Ultimately, I learned that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

Today, my son is 7. I've been raising him on my own and I'm much happier.

[CaptChaos86]

Not sure why this younger generation (sorry to call out age) feels like if they don't spend 24 hrs a day, 7 days a week with a kid, they will be called a bad parent. Parents NEED time away from kids to do adult things. That's what grandparents are for. To help out and give you some time away. A would applaud you that you are taking time for yourselves. Sometimes people spend so much time on their kids, they forget to work on the marriage. Kids are wonderful, but you guys need time for yourselves also.

Yeah i get what you are saying, but i can just see some people saying that. And this is our first child so this is all still brand new to the both of us. And i just hope we are doing the right thing. Hell i think i may be the one going the depression. I feel like i have been a hermit crab ever since he has been born. But im just trying to do what i think is right, but i just dont know what it right at this point.

---------- Post added January-22nd-2013 at 04:12 PM ----------

This should probably be the last thing you should worry about. It's better to actually be a good parent than to try to look like one. If your wife needs a break for a couple of nights every five weeks to keep her head in the game then you should by all means help her out. It seems rather apparent to me like it would be easier to appreciate and care for your kids when you don't feel shackled to them 24/7/365.

You could also try, y'know, talking to your wife and getting a better bead on what she's thinking and feeling because you seem a bit lost based on what you've said.

I do talk to her, i mean she is my best friend and we share everything with each other. Which is why im feeling weird because she has seemed a bit distant and out of it. So thats what has me worried. But anyway we have a free night tonight and am just gonna spend time with her and maybe go see some friends and see how things go from there.[COLOR="Gold"]

[TMK9973]

...Hell i think i may be the one going the depression. I feel like i have been a hermit crab ever since he has been born. But im just trying to do what i think is right, but i just dont know what it right at this point.[COLOR="Gold"]

Please don't dismiss this. Because as I re-read your posts, THIS is what I see. Post Partum is a real thing that has hormonal and psych reasons that only effect the mom. But don't dismiss the fact that having a child is a life changing event and any life changing event CAN trigger depression in anyone.

I know its the common thing as soon as your child is born for all the dad to say stuff like "I knew the second I saw them that I would do anything for them" or "I never felt love like that". But here's the secert - Its BS. Not for everyone, but for MOST dads it BS. We didnt just spend 9 months having that child inside of us. What really happened is we had our wife, she got big, and then there was this baby that shows up. It takes a little bit for that bond with your child to happen.

I love my kids more then anything at this point. (Age 11 and 8). The things I have given up for them...man, from where I live to what I do to who I date now. Almost all of it has been with the focus being my kids. I am extremely involved and heres the big thing - It doesn't bother me 1 bit. I like my life because of my kids.
HOWEVER - those 1st few weeks? I didn't feel ANY of that. All I felt was how much my life changed. I put on the happy face, told my friends how great things were, but all I was was scared. Scared that I didn't feel what I was suppose to feel. Feel I didn't know what I was doing. Fear my best days were behind me. I would look at my son and think "Um..ok...So now what." My wife, who did suffer PPD on the 2nd, but was fine on the 1st - seem to adjust quickly. I just kept thinking "Sure I love him..but what about what I wanted to do".

But here's the thing....that faded. It was all ok. Did the love I was expecting happen on day 1 or week 1? nope. but soon, it was there. Soon...none of that other stuff seemed important.