Has anyone dealt with postpartum depression?

[CaptChaos86]

Ok so I'm seeking some advice here, so as some of you know my wife and I just had our first child and he is now 5 weeks old and things have been pretty good. But I've got a feeling something is going on with her. I mean we are pretty sleep deprived and get irritable with each other occasionally but nothing to any extent where we don't make up or get over it quickly. Well we let my mom take him overnight a couple nights ago and things went well, we went to dinner with some friends and had some alone time just the two of us and it was great. Well today she texted me and is having my mom keep him again overnight, which i am fine with but its making me nervous to have him away too much when he is so young. And she told me she feels like she is missing out on stuff. Which i get, i used to play music and be in bands and travel playing music but i gave that up and have really focused on being a dad and working and trying to build a good life for our son. And my mom always said if we need a night away just to call her which is great and all but i hope this isnt leading to a bigger problem. I dunno, maybe im looking too much into it. But have any of you experienced and issues like this and all i know to do is just be there for her and to listen and try to support her. But i kind of feel helpless right now.

[brandymac27]

Well, I have 2 kids and remember those days! If she is home all day taking care of the baby and then not getting a lot of sleep at night on top of it, she may very well just need a break! Maybe she feels like she just needs to get out of the house and have a little "me" or "alone with you" time. I was like that too. Maybe once a month for the first couple of months I felt like I needed to just get out of the house and be around other adults and relax.

[Popeman38]

Ok so I'm seeking some advice here, so as some of you know my wife and I just had our first child and he is now 5 weeks old and things have been pretty good. But I've got a feeling something is going on with her. I mean we are pretty sleep deprived and get irritable with each other occasionally but nothing to any extent where we don't make up or get over it quickly. Well we let my mom take him overnight a couple nights ago and things went well, we went to dinner with some friends and had some alone time just the two of us and it was great. Well today she texted me and is having my mom keep him again overnight, which i am fine with but its making me nervous to have him away too much when he is so young. And she told me she feels like she is missing out on stuff. Which i get, i used to play music and be in bands and travel playing music but i gave that up and have really focused on being a dad and working and trying to build a good life for our son. And my mom always said if we need a night away just to call her which is great and all but i hope this isnt leading to a bigger problem. I dunno, maybe im looking too much into it. But have any of you experienced and issues like this and all i know to do is just be there for her and to listen and try to support her. But i kind of feel helpless right now.

Horomones are raging in her right now (I don't mean that as an insult or dig at all). Postpartum depression is very common, but I don't think feelings of missing out is a symptom. I think that is very normal for a woman in her mid-twenties to have. Do your friends have kids? Are they going out and doing things 3-5 nights/week, and she is vicariously living through them on FB/Twitter?

I think I would keep an eye on things, because wanting to spend too much time apart from baby can become a real issue.

As an aside, my daughter is 28 moths, and she has never spent a night without either me or my wife present. I am slightly jealous lol

[brandymac27]

What Pope said is also true. her hormones are going crazy still. Try to have a little patience, help her out as much as you can, and just observe things for a little while and see how things go. I'm not a Psych, but this doesn't sound like PPD. At least not yet.

[No_Pressure]

Try to plan something that isn't just a regular evening date night type of thing. Take her to have a massage and then maybe her favorite meal out or something relaxing like that. Chances are she just needs some time away from the baby, it isn't necessarily postpartum depression.

[CaptChaos86]

Yeah i just feel like some would view us as bad parents or something since he will have stayed 2 nights away from us now and he is only 5 weeks old. And i know its hard for her, she is there all day while i am at work, and she is starting back to work next week and im sure that will help some. But im just really hoping this doesnt turn into something worse. Im hoping its just she needs a break because we have been super busy. We had him and have a new house we just moved into and have barely had a chance to sit down and breathe lately.

[Elessar78]

Curious why you call it post partum. If she had PP the more likely manifestation is not wanting to do anything.

Could be a Momentary thing too, she's been living like a hermit for like a year. Plus her hormones are a little out of whack. PP should really be diagnosed clinically.

[brandymac27]

Yeah i just feel like some would view us as bad parents or something since he will have stayed 2 nights away from us now and he is only 5 weeks old. And i know its hard for her, she is there all day while i am at work, and she is starting back to work next week and im sure that will help some. But im just really hoping this doesnt turn into something worse. Im hoping its just she needs a break because we have been super busy. We had him and have a new house we just moved into and have barely had a chance to sit down and breathe lately.

Sounds to me like she honestly needs a break!

[twa]

Sounds to me like she honestly needs a break!

Yep, just be glad you have someone willing to give her one.

A alt is letting her go out with friends while you take care of the baby(one afternoon,or night out, a week is a good deal )
Doesn't sound like PPD to me....welcome to parenthood

[pjfootballer]

Yeah i just feel like some would view us as bad parents or something since he will have stayed 2 nights away from us now and he is only 5 weeks old.

Not sure why this younger generation (sorry to call out age) feels like if they don't spend 24 hrs a day, 7 days a week with a kid, they will be called a bad parent. Parents NEED time away from kids to do adult things. That's what grandparents are for. To help out and give you some time away. A would applaud you that you are taking time for yourselves. Sometimes people spend so much time on their kids, they forget to work on the marriage. Kids are wonderful, but you guys need time for yourselves also.

[TMK9973]

I'm no shrink (But I did stay at a holiday inn Express), but this is not post partum depression (or at least a mild case of it). My Ex-wfie had a true case of it and the symptoms were a LOT worse. Talking locking herself in a room for hours, handing me the kids (She suffered it on our second one) and leaving without saying a word. Crying randomly for hours, and yelling at me for asking silly questions such as "Want me to grab carry out tonight?"

What your discribing simply sounds like someone adjusting to being a new mom and trying to understand the new balance in her life. Listen to her, support her, but also tell her that she is still the same person. Life changes but it doesn't mean shes missing out. Its means she experiencing new things.

[renaissance]

Not sure why this younger generation (sorry to call out age) feels like if they don't spend 24 hrs a day, 7 days a week with a kid, they will be called a bad parent. Parents NEED time away from kids to do adult things. That's what grandparents are for. To help out and give you some time away. A would applaud you that you are taking time for yourselves. Sometimes people spend so much time on their kids, they forget to work on the marriage. Kids are wonderful, but you guys need time for yourselves also.

Judging from some of my friends' parents, spending too much time on your kids and not enough time on your marriage isn't just a problem of my generation.

I do, however, feel like Facebook and the like have intensified how we judge each others' parenting skills and styles.

[Enter Apotheosis]

Yeah i just feel like some would view us as bad parents or something since he will have stayed 2 nights away from us now and he is only 5 weeks old.

This should probably be the last thing you should worry about. It's better to actually be a good parent than to try to look like one. If your wife needs a break for a couple of nights every five weeks to keep her head in the game then you should by all means help her out. It seems rather apparent to me like it would be easier to appreciate and care for your kids when you don't feel shackled to them 24/7/365.

You could also try, y'know, talking to your wife and getting a better bead on what she's thinking and feeling because you seem a bit lost based on what you've said.

[CaptChaos86]

Not sure why this younger generation (sorry to call out age) feels like if they don't spend 24 hrs a day, 7 days a week with a kid, they will be called a bad parent. Parents NEED time away from kids to do adult things. That's what grandparents are for. To help out and give you some time away. A would applaud you that you are taking time for yourselves. Sometimes people spend so much time on their kids, they forget to work on the marriage. Kids are wonderful, but you guys need time for yourselves also.

Yeah i get what you are saying, but i can just see some people saying that. And this is our first child so this is all still brand new to the both of us. And i just hope we are doing the right thing. Hell i think i may be the one going the depression. I feel like i have been a hermit crab ever since he has been born. But im just trying to do what i think is right, but i just dont know what it right at this point.

---------- Post added January-22nd-2013 at 04:12 PM ----------

This should probably be the last thing you should worry about. It's better to actually be a good parent than to try to look like one. If your wife needs a break for a couple of nights every five weeks to keep her head in the game then you should by all means help her out. It seems rather apparent to me like it would be easier to appreciate and care for your kids when you don't feel shackled to them 24/7/365.

You could also try, y'know, talking to your wife and getting a better bead on what she's thinking and feeling because you seem a bit lost based on what you've said.

I do talk to her, i mean she is my best friend and we share everything with each other. Which is why im feeling weird because she has seemed a bit distant and out of it. So thats what has me worried. But anyway we have a free night tonight and am just gonna spend time with her and maybe go see some friends and see how things go from there.[COLOR="Gold"]

[pjfootballer]

Judging from some of my friends' parents, spending too much time on your kids and not enough time on your marriage isn't just a problem of my generation.

I do, however, feel like Facebook and the like have intensified how we judge each others' parenting skills and styles.

I was reluctant to play the age thing, but I suppose you are right with the internet and everyone posting anything anywhere. I agree that bad marriages don't just plague the youth, but I think my generation, my parents and my grandparents generations to me, have different reasons for divorce. But that's just my outlook and I know it doesn't mean squat, but I just wanted to let him know that it's OK to get away from the kids. I do see separation anxiety in parents and kids more in this day and age. Hell, we couldn't wait for a babysitter to come over. ANYTHING to get my parents out of the house and have my cousin come over.