Not very "PC" but I didn't write it so don't blame me:
A woman was very distraught over the fact that she had not had a date or any sex for over 5 years. She was afraid she might have something wrong with her, so she decided to seek the medical expertise of the well known Chinese sex therapist, the famous Dr. Chang Upon entering the examination room, Dr. Chang said, "OK, take off all your crose." The woman did as she was told. "Now, get down and craw reery, reery fass to odder side of room." Again, the woman did as she was instructed. Dr. Chang then said, "OK, now craw reery, reery fass back to me." As she did, Dr. Chang shook his head slowly. "Your probrem vewy bad. You haf Ed Zachary Disease. Worse case I ever see. Dat why you not haf sex or dates." The woman asked anxiously, "Oh my God, Dr. Chang, what is Ed
Dr. Chang sighed deeply and replied, "Ed Zachary Disease is when your face look Ed Zachary like your ass!"
THE IRISH CANDLE STORY
Mrs. Donovan was walking down O'Connell Street in Dublin when she met up with Father Flaherty.
The Father said, "Top o' the mornin' to ye! Aren't ye Mrs. Donovan and didn't I marry ye and yer husband 2 years ago?"
She replied, "Aye, that ye did, Father."
The Father asked, "And be there any wee ones yet?"
She replied, "No, not yet, Father.
"The Father said, "Well now, I'm going to Rome next week and I'll light a candle for ye and yer husband."
She replied, "Oh, thank ye, Father." They then parted ways.
Some years later they met again.
The Father asked, "Well now, Mrs.Donovan, how are ye these days?" She replied, "Oh, very well, Father!"
The Father asked, "And tell me, have ye any wee ones yet?"
She replied, " Oh yes, Father! Three sets of twins and 4 singles, 10 in all!"
The Father said, "That's wonderful! How is yer loving husband doing?"
She replied, "E's gone to Rome to blow out yer fookin' candle."
Caution: Slightly offensive PG-13
Baileys & Lime juice
A girl & her boyfriend go to the pub. When it's the girl's turn to buy a round, she tells him that she's heard of a wonderful new drink he simply must try. She returns with the usual half of lager for herself. For him, she has two glasses. One contains a measure of Bailey's, the other lime juice.
Instructions: "OK, what you gotta do is, you gotta swig the Bailey's, hold It in your mouth, and then drink the lime juice." He looks a bit dubious, but she's very enthusiastic so he decides to give it a go.
First the Bailey's; lovely smooth, creamy, warm feeling in the mouth. Then he takes the lime juice.
T + 0.1 secs: The cream in the Bailey's curdles.
T + 0.3 secs: Boyfriend's face turns the color of fresh lime juice.
T + 0.6 secs: Boyfriend calms his stomach & swallows the grunge.
T + 1.5 secs: She whispers in his ear....
"It's called 'Blowjob Revenge' "